oh, i can still see that lonesome road stretched out before me

[twiningfire]

i'm glad to say that i don't feel immersed in wretchedness, as i did this time last year. however, i still feel extremely withdrawn, physically and emotionally, from my friends and those that i wish were my friends. i find it incredibly easy to believe that people just don't like me, or are for some reason displeased with me, that i've angered my friends somehow and they just don't care for my company any longer. i feel like this is slowly getting better, but it has plagued me for a year now, and i hate staying up at night and telling myself that it's ok if my best friends don't like me anymore, that it is their choice and my responsibility is to be strong within myself so that i don't embarass them. or me. in a way i know it is probably not true, that people have all just tired of me, but i can't convince myself for sure. what if they have? what if i've done something wrong and my friend is just holding it inside, against me, instead of letting me make it right?

this is kind of exhausting. i hope the excitement of seeing everyone and greetings and reacquaintance will wipe it from my mind.

i love, i love

-s-