Wanted and needed
I've been thinking about this for a couple of weeks now and want to air my thoughts. I'm currently an inactive member of a church. In the last few months, some members have been asking me to go back to church. While talking to me about it, I told them that the main reason I stopped going was that I was holding a position in the church that was very hard for me to fulfill and when I couldn't do the job to their satisfaction, the other members didn't want anything to do with me. Now, different people are in charge yet I have said that I don't want to be asked to go just so I can do a job, that I would be interested in going if people wanted to see me there. The last time I was asked the couple said, "He really needs you."
I have several people who need me. My parents, my job, my customers, these are people who need me for various reasons. Through their needs, I use a majority of my time meeting their needs. What time other than that that I have free I want to spend either by myself or with people (friends) that want me to be with them. I am needed and when I successfully fulfill that need, I feel good about it. However, I feel better about myself when I can spend time with someone who wants my company not for what I can do for them but for who I am, me.
Today I was lucky enough to be on holiday and get a chance to spend part of the afternoon and evening with a friend just to be with them. This was a wonderful day and I am very happy to have spent it in this manner. I admit that there were some things about the day that made this more difficult than it might normally be assumed to be. Instead of going across town to meet the friend, I traveled almost three hours and internationally to get there. I like to drive and I like my friends. I feel that a tank of gas and five and a half hours of driving was a small price to pay for such good company. We talked about the usual things and walked in the warm autumn day. It was a good time. I thank my friend for the time spent together and only wish that we were not so far apart, as days like this a too few and far between.
Maybe this feeling of wanting to be wanted rather than needed is selfish and uncaring. I don't know. Maybe it comes from a low self-esteem. That is entirely possible and I wouldn't argue it doesn't. I don't know the whole psycho-babble reasons for this, I simply know that I feel better when I can do something with a person who wants be to be there rather than any old Joe with the skill to do a job.
I guess that is a long way to say something that I still don't think I said well.
I have several people who need me. My parents, my job, my customers, these are people who need me for various reasons. Through their needs, I use a majority of my time meeting their needs. What time other than that that I have free I want to spend either by myself or with people (friends) that want me to be with them. I am needed and when I successfully fulfill that need, I feel good about it. However, I feel better about myself when I can spend time with someone who wants my company not for what I can do for them but for who I am, me.
Today I was lucky enough to be on holiday and get a chance to spend part of the afternoon and evening with a friend just to be with them. This was a wonderful day and I am very happy to have spent it in this manner. I admit that there were some things about the day that made this more difficult than it might normally be assumed to be. Instead of going across town to meet the friend, I traveled almost three hours and internationally to get there. I like to drive and I like my friends. I feel that a tank of gas and five and a half hours of driving was a small price to pay for such good company. We talked about the usual things and walked in the warm autumn day. It was a good time. I thank my friend for the time spent together and only wish that we were not so far apart, as days like this a too few and far between.
Maybe this feeling of wanting to be wanted rather than needed is selfish and uncaring. I don't know. Maybe it comes from a low self-esteem. That is entirely possible and I wouldn't argue it doesn't. I don't know the whole psycho-babble reasons for this, I simply know that I feel better when I can do something with a person who wants be to be there rather than any old Joe with the skill to do a job.
I guess that is a long way to say something that I still don't think I said well.