In A Funk
My best friend died in a car accident last night. He actually was in an accident the night before, was in intensive care, and then died last night. I am in a funk of guity confusion that I can't pull myself out of. Why do I feel guity? I don't know (and for other reasons I just can't bring myself to talk about right now) but I keep feeling as if there was something I could have done. He was my only REAL friend and the only support system I had and I can't wrap my mind around the fact that he is gone. All I keep thinking now is 'what am I going to do without him?' Is that incredibly selfish of me?
Anyway, I am going through spurks of uncontrollable crying and my family and boyfriend doesn't quite know what to do for me or how to comfort me because they didn't know Carl. He was something that I kept seperate from everyone else. He was mine and I didn't want to share him with the rest of my world. They knew of him but didn't come into contact with him that often. Now, I wish that they had so that I can have someone to mourn with. It is too hard doing this alone.
Anyway, I am going through spurks of uncontrollable crying and my family and boyfriend doesn't quite know what to do for me or how to comfort me because they didn't know Carl. He was something that I kept seperate from everyone else. He was mine and I didn't want to share him with the rest of my world. They knew of him but didn't come into contact with him that often. Now, I wish that they had so that I can have someone to mourn with. It is too hard doing this alone.