Oh, Jesus.
I just re-read... I can't believe that's the last time I updated. I read everything from the night preceeding my departure when I was nervous and anxious, up until a week and a half or so ago when I was a few days before the conclusion. I tried desperately to find time in the in the final few days to update my journal to document how I was feeling, but we literally had not a moment of free time. And if we did, it was spent desperately clinging on to what was in front of me with those around me.
NYSSSA is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Even though I have been home for a few days, I am still having trouble making the adjustment. I am glued to my computer (as is the rest of the students) desperate to stay in contact with every last person. I am unmotivated. I am so exhausted 24/7 to the point of craving sleep all day. It's not that I am not happy to see my friends, seeing them was just wonderful. I just have come home and found what I expected, that many things in my life are in a state of disarray. I miss this new family of mine, these people who have helped me grow and change in ways that I never knew I could.
I have learned... so much. So much about myself and those around. I look at myself in a new light. I have learned how to take care of myself. I have learned how to be honest with myself, and therefore be honest with other people. I have discovered how I want to be treated. I have gotten in touch with what I love and fear most. I am instilled with a new confidence, a positive energy, and a determination to succeed. And of all the scary, crazy things in the world, I have learned how to accept myself. I have set myself free, in a way.
And though my heart is heavy with the absence of these people who helped open my wings and lift me up... it is sadness with a smile. I have 31 new best friends, 31 new family members. 35 including the counselors. All of these new wonderful people... a personal support system, to carry with me wherever I go. And now I know that whenever I am down or sad, I can look to the strength and inspiration they have given me. They will be with me always. I love all of you, deeply and truly.
NYSSSA is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Even though I have been home for a few days, I am still having trouble making the adjustment. I am glued to my computer (as is the rest of the students) desperate to stay in contact with every last person. I am unmotivated. I am so exhausted 24/7 to the point of craving sleep all day. It's not that I am not happy to see my friends, seeing them was just wonderful. I just have come home and found what I expected, that many things in my life are in a state of disarray. I miss this new family of mine, these people who have helped me grow and change in ways that I never knew I could.
I have learned... so much. So much about myself and those around. I look at myself in a new light. I have learned how to take care of myself. I have learned how to be honest with myself, and therefore be honest with other people. I have discovered how I want to be treated. I have gotten in touch with what I love and fear most. I am instilled with a new confidence, a positive energy, and a determination to succeed. And of all the scary, crazy things in the world, I have learned how to accept myself. I have set myself free, in a way.
And though my heart is heavy with the absence of these people who helped open my wings and lift me up... it is sadness with a smile. I have 31 new best friends, 31 new family members. 35 including the counselors. All of these new wonderful people... a personal support system, to carry with me wherever I go. And now I know that whenever I am down or sad, I can look to the strength and inspiration they have given me. They will be with me always. I love all of you, deeply and truly.