Reflecting

[trueamethyst]

I've been wondering about the trials of life and how/when we face them. Everything recently seems to want to push me to a place I've not been for years. I used to be strong and confident in myself. I used to know what I wanted from my life and how to get there. I feel myself faltering

Comments

[nexrad]

What may be worthwhile is to find a quiet, soothing place to be still for awhile and then try to sort out exactly what it is you want - and why. Desiring appreciation and a sense of importance is not uncommon, but why is it you feel the desire and need for such?

From my own life experience, anything that comes from others is fleeting and fickle.

As for child's wishes - I've always found myself just going for whatever life dreams I've wanted. The journey towards those has often been very indirect, challenging, and long. This is where motivation and persistence pay off. Then, you need to believe in yourself to achieve. Perhaps instead of looking to others, you should look within? Once one has found security within himself, he will have secured his place in the world.

May you be well.

[trueamethyst]

Thanks for the kind thoughts :) I appreciate it. And I'm fine. I was just reflecting on things and writing down my musings. I've been trying to be someone else for a while, and I finally just decide that that was stupid. I need to be who I am and who I want to be, even if it's not by popular opinion the correct way to be.

Basically, it's been hard moving and trying to reallocate to a new culture. But I realized that I don't have to.

[pardouncia]

What culture are you speaking of? I realize I'm coming out of nowhere, but I know Jay, and I saw your comment in his LJ. So I ventured on over here. I can relate to a lot of what you've said in this entry, and I'm curious how you've coped.

[trueamethyst]

It's no problem. I'm pretty friendly :) And the culture I was referencing was an accumulation of things. I had just recently moved from a college town where I spent 7 years working on my BA and MS and living alone and independently to staying with my dad, jobless, and not knowing what to do with myself.

Though I think a lot of it has to do with "gay culture" that I was trying to cut myself to fit into, physically and ethically.

As per coping, I don't know. I've adjusted to life out here and have regained my previous strength of character. Die hard, never-give-in determination is a rather useful trait, so I can often bat away depression with ferocity unless I'm feeling particularly down on my luck. lol. Just have to remember what you live for.

[pardouncia]

What did you get your degrees in, and what do you wish to do now? It can be a listless, unaccomplished feeling to be living with your father again, however, you have done so much more than you know. I envy you that

[trueamethyst]

Haha. Well, I wasn't necessarily meaning the furry culture into all of that. I just meant that I was interested meeting furs again. I used to be kind of into it all, then I lost interest as I made more non-fur friends and started to come into myself so to speak. So I was doing a call out to find out who's still around and what's going on in the state

[pardouncia]

What had you outside of the furry-verse for a time? Heh, furry-verse. That's a good one.

It's more of a spiritual thing for me, being a fur. Therianthropy. It may seem strange to some, but no more than associating one's self with an animal in the first place.

I'm rarely on YIM, but if I am sometime soon, I'll be sure to contact you.

You're hoping to get a job teaching then? At what level? True, I've been at that "living just because I'm alive" stage for a long time now. I don't know what I'm passionate about anymore. Dreams... Live to live and dream to dream, go through life a-wandering. Stagnant, that may be why I get depressed. I don't know.

[trueamethyst]

Ya know, real life. ;) I always liked the drawings, but that was about my extent. It was more I didn't I just went on with life as normal, per se. I didn't really talk to any furries except my friend Dan who I don't even really think of in that way. (ya know, how when you're around furries you're supposed to think of them as their persona and call them by their furry names? lol) I did that when I was in high school and early college mostly because I didn't have a friend and I guess it was an outlet. Now I'm pretty personable Haha. I wonder if there's a correlation

[pardouncia]

What is this - real life? *Head tilt.* I live compartmentalized more than most, I'd guess. My work life is kept separate from my private life. My private life is broken down into its own segments. There's family, friends, online friends - and here we break things down some more. I have my furry life, where I can be more myself, but I maintain a level of anonymity for privacy reasons, and just because if the outside world knows you're a fur(I live in Texas here), your life won't be worth kibble. Then there's the broader spectrum of my online existence. I am simply myself, by name, and show no furry or otherwise strange overtones

[trueamethyst]

Hah. I feel our conversation is turning into a pen pal type thing. Which is fine, I just hope livejournal does not explode

[pardouncia]

I like pen pals

[trueamethyst]

Why don't you have any local friends? That seems a downright shame and may be the biggest threat to your happiness. The biggest part of my life is devoted to the connections I've made with others, and that is a big part of what I live for. But I'm also rather a social puppy.

[pardouncia]

I'm a social cat. I just connect better intellectually, via beliefs, interests, ideology, etc. with people online. Locally I am a fish out of water.

This is how sad it is around here. My boss, the manager at the newspaper where I work, thinks I'm pagan because I know things about religions other than Christianity. And because I know a lot about Christian beliefs and the Bible that she doesn't, she thinks it even more somehow. Of course, I don't go to church. So that further contributes to my being weird. I know too much as well, and she hates that. Knowing things is ebil. I should just watch American Idol like the masses and care about what Snookie is doing this week. The thing is, you can mention a subject, and I probably know a little about it. I love knowing stuff. I sop in knowledge like a sponge. I love understanding things. I watch a lot of the Discovery networks and read. Go figure. I suppose if being narrow-minded and bigoted was my idea of fun, I'd fit right in here in Texas.

[trueamethyst]

Hey, Snookie is awesome. Haven't you seen her poof? It's slowly growing. I think it might be a tumor.

And why don't you move if you dislike it?

[pardouncia]

The tumor began in her brain, right? I've actually never seen the show. But so many people talk about it all of the time that I feel as if I'm trapped in the pop culture idiocy whether I want to be or not. :P

Financial reasons. I can't afford to move without a job wherever I'm heading, and so far no places are hiring. Most don't even respond to my inquiries. It's not a good world out there right now. The economy is dead, or perhaps people are just rude. You'd think they could respond though.