Weekend Update
Wow... it was quite a long weekend for me... a joyous one. I've heard some of the trials and tribulations from friends, other family, and coworkers. I don't know who was watching over me, but I had a fabulous time.
THURSDAY. This year's Thanksgiving was planned to be a smaller family affair. We sometimes gather in a larger group, or do a roving holiday between two or even three locations. But I was quite content to have one dinner and allow ourselves the flexibility of not having to be everywhere and do everything. Further, I was also extremely glad to only have to be responsible for myself for this holiday... since I usually have a sister in tow, and that can put a real hamper on my schedule and plans.
I got a call from R & S, who were already sitting in traffic on highway 80 on their way to Concord. R was curious whether I could bring my domino set to play Mexican Train. Sadly I don't have one, but told her I'd work something out. After all, I have a need to please. So when given a task or challenge I try and do my best to make it happen. Checking around, all the stores I knew of that might have a set were closed -- it's a holiday don't ya know! So I called up my friend D to ask whether I might be able to borrow a set of his, and he said he'd be there for a while if I wanted to swing by. It meant diverting slightly to Livermore, but then I could surprise R with showing up with the game to play.
I was a little anxious about the time, too. I had originally thought that we weren't supposed to be eating until 3, but I learned in the same call from R that it was instead going to be 2pm. gads! I did arrive about 10 minutes late, but then we didn't eat until about 3pm anyway. I had decided that I would do my very best not to get anxious about being late, and that really paid off... since it all worked out in the end. This was T's first time cooking and she did really great. Not everything went to plan, of course, but alternatives were arranged and we still managed not to be able to eat it all. :-) Oh, and T would be glad for me to mention that no one got sick from the food either. LOL
A few fun quotes from dinner:
As we were starting to gather left overs and pack up to head out, I checked in with Y. We had arranged last weekend for me to come back after Thanksgiving dinner to spend a few days with him. Since his own plans started later in the day, Y gave me a key to his place so that I could head over regardless of when our plans allowed. I know he did it for practical reasons -- that's what he says to me -- but it sent me a signal that Y felt he could give me a key like that. I arrived at Y's place at about 10pm. He arrived home not even a half hour later (good timing!). I'd really missed him. I knew I had, but it really rushed into my mind when I saw him and was in his arms again. (Yes, I am going to be sickeningly giddy for a while longer... get over it. ;-)
FRIDAY. Y had asked me during the week if I enjoyed shopping. I replied that I don't do it too much on my own, but I enjoy it as a team or group sport. He had the plan to hit the midnight sales (yes, MIDNIGHT... not even 4 or 5 AM) on Black Friday. So in what seemed like a whirlwind after Thanksgiving dinner, Y and I hopped into his car and ambled over to The Great Mall. We arrived at about 12:15, but the parking lot was already packed and the line of cars on the Great Mall 880S exit was so massive we took an alternate route. There were cars and people everywhere. We went around back and found a spot pretty easily in the parking structure, and headed in for the hunt.
The people were many, the lines outside the stores were long, the lines inside the stores often even longer. There were some particular deals Y wanted to cash in on at T Hilfiger. We shopped together for a bit, and as I took note of just how long the line was to get to the registers (it made almost a full circuit of the interior of the store), I suggested I might take a place in line while he continued to shop. The power of teamwork! Y came by now and again to drop things in the carry bag, let me know he was headed to the dressing rooms, etc. He surprised me when he started asking my sizes, but I offered them and tried one or two things one to confirm when he came back with stuff. This development threw me for a loop, but I went with it. I think I've got a more specific post brewing in my mind related to this, but onward with our recap.
After two and a half hours, I'd made it up to the register and Y had begun prioritizing stuff to hit the sweet spot for the sale he was shopping for. I told myself "Oh, OK... he was shopping for me to help achieve the best number" But when he started sorting stuff into the "optional" pile he didn't put any of the things he picked for me there. More head spinning. More self-worth triggers firing. More stuff to file for other blog post.
We hit two more stores for a few specific things Y wanted. I wasn't really thinking of shopping for myself and by now it was getting to be 4am. So when Y asked if there was anything in particular I wanted to shop for, I said no and that I was ready to mosey home whenever he was. We were both feeling a touch hungry -- remember it's now been about 12 hours since Thanksgiving dinner -- so we ambled over to the food court and shared a bowl of wonton soup and a couple of egg rolls. Yum. :D Then it was off to home, trying on a few things, and cuddling off into a deep slumber. And at 5am we weren't too far from going to sleep after the sun rose! I joked with Y that we might be turning into vampires.
We woke pretty late and had a late lunch. Since I'd brought my laptop with me, Y and I had some time to review our email and do normal stuff. Then we got to cuddling and dozed off together on the couch. We woke at some point and napped some more. We woke and had a late supper and then headed for bed. Sometimes you just need a lazy day! :D
SATURDAY. We got a slow start to Saturday. I joke with Y about getting up before noon, but goodness knows we all like to sleep in -- I'm told I underestimate his ability to sleep. The only thing we really had an our agenda for today was to head up to SF in the evening. We went to Lone Star, partly just to have some fun, maybe run into some friends, and who knows where else the evening might lead. Y had wanted to hit a party on Sunday, but by the time he mentioned it we'd already agreed to plans with some of my friends that were going to last into the evening. So after some of our now more usual fair during the day we headed up for an evening in SF. Although I love to drive, SF is one of those places I don't... Y seems happy to do so and I'm happy he enjoys doing that. It improves my mood tremendously not to have to deal with driving/parking in SF. :-)
Upon arriving at Lone Star, we ran into some of Y's friends coming out of the bar. Apparently there was another club type event happening that evening, and many of the bear, etc gang were planning to be there. This didn't seem everyone's cup of tea so we planned to just stick with LS. What I didn't notice happen at this point, but Y told me about later, was that one of the guys we ran into looked his way and mouthed things like "nice" and "hot" to him (apparently about me... *blush*). But in we went, and the place did seem fairly well populated.
We quickly ran into some people Y knew and I was introduced. Two of these guys were apparently buzzing quite nicely and proceeded to feel my belly. Oh my... strangers, hands on belly. But hey, I'm a slut... and it wasn't too bad -- Y didn't seem to be worried -- so I went with it. Then there was some crotch grabbing... um, OK... but then I had to pipe in "I do hope you won't be sad to learn I'm a bottom". Indeed, no! They seemed quite excited and there was some ass grabbing too. By this point I was starting to chat with some of Y's other friends there, and I think V had materialized by then too... so I took the groping in stride ("use the force, slut") and continued to have a nice time visiting.
Along the way, especially in catching up with V, who I hadn't seen in person since the 11/15 Prop 8 protest -- but we didn't really get to visit at all that day... D says V was too busy in the bushes giving blow jobs -- the subject of BDSM came up. I kept my outbound filters set at "innuendo", but poor V and M (a new person to me) both seemed to be pretty squeamish about this. But B, on the other hand, seemed to know and be interested. In fact, he even introduced me to a slave friend of his who was there. It was nice to meet fellow gay kinksters who were also bear identified... I wasn't sure I was going to meet others like that, so I was very happy to make his acquaintance.
I also noticed someone who I'd seen on bear411 and reminded me of a friend/roomate of one of my past boyfriends (Terry), so I went up to say hello. We had a few moments of "remind me", but he did actually remember. R has lost a tremendous amount of weight from the time I knew him, about 10 years ago. He's cute either way, but he was in the middle of chatting with someone else so i moseyed along once we'd said hello and established that we did actually remember each other. It was nice to see him after all that time.
Then I sat and watched Y, B, and a few others play pool -- something they apparently enjoy and are quite good at. A joke circulated that I'd be given to whomever won the game, but Y clarified that this was one particular round and he had won. ;-) I mostly had fun visiting and joshing with the guys. I think it's the most fun I can remember having at LS -- though I hadn't been back in about the same 10 years since Terry. In looking around the room, I even noticed a few guys cruising me. I tried not to send any signals, though, since I knew who I was there with.
Once last call was signalled and folks had their fill of playing pool, we ambled over to 13th street (IIRC) for some crêpes. They were quite yummy and just what we needed to cure the appetite. I went for the house special savory instead of the sweet. Then we walked back to LS for the facilities.
And that's when I had another interesting situation. I found my way to the trough urinal and no sooner found my place and unzipped than one of the guys, D, who'd obviously taken notice of me earlier in the evening came in and unzipped next to me. Now, in most guy situations in the rest room, this would have involved utter silence and quick zipping. But this is a gay bar... so I had a feeling what might be coming next. I look over and he's smiling at me. "You're damn HOT..." Is it possible to blush, wish you had a teleportation super power, and have an ego boost all at once? I thanked him for his compliment and as I zipped up and scooted behind him (space is tight in there) I suggested we'd probably see each other around -- and with the smallness of the gay bear world, this is indeed very likely.
My first thought in all of this was that if I'd been there on my own I'd probably have groped him on my way out. But I knew I was here with Y, and I've given my slut to him... so at the very least this would have to be discussed before anything else could happen. So I just sat with our now smaller troupe of friends waiting for Y to finish up and rejoin us. As we were walking back to the car, I shared with him what happened... and then he shared that D had made the same comment about me to him directly. I remember saying something about how it was a nice ego boost to be noticed like that and Y added that D would have done a lot more than just notice me. *blush*
Truth be told, I was able to accept the idea that I was desireable without feeling as if I'd missed out on something. I think my heart really does belong to Y now. I think some of this really got Y worked up though... well, based on what happened when we got home. :D >:-) Sadly we couldn't play too late since we had a relatively early start to the following day.
SUNDAY. We've been fine tuning how we sleep together. There's no less cuddling, which we both enjoy. But something I realized in this process is that I really like sleeping with him. I miss him when we're not together... and this growing desire and even need I have for him doesn't freak me out at all. I did have a start on Monday morning though when I woke, reached over, and there was a moment of concern when he wasn't there... I opened my eyes and slowly realized, "Oh, I'm at my place." *sigh*
But back to the weekend... We managed to drag ourselves out of bed and got to S'es place even before D (who lives around the corner, literally) got there. We all gathered in the van and were off to the San Mateo Gem & Jewelry show (at the SM convention center). When I'd asked Y whether he wanted to go, he didn't seem that interested in jewelry shopping... but he agreed it would be fun, and I got the sense that once he had a glimpse of the vendor booths that he was looking around for different items.
The parts that really stuck out for me were that D was shopping for L and got a really great [redacted!] -- uh uh, I'm not gonna get blamed for leaking that! -- and that Y was clearly looking for a jade pendant of a Chinese dog for me. And we really did scour the place for one, including asking vendors to check for stuff they didn't put out on display. But then as we were wandering through someone (I don't remember who exactly) spotted a gold piece with exactly what Y was looking for, a dog. I should explain, of course, that my Chinese astrological sign is the dog. ;-)
When the vendor said what the cost was, I wasn't surprised. It was 22K gold after all. What surprised me was he didn't flinch. We did continue to look around, especially for jade. But then Y mentioned going back to check out the gold piece. And when we eventually worked our way back there, he quickly bargained with them and got it. I was speechless. I'm wearing it around my neck right now and I'm still a little speechless -- no, typing doesn't count. I wanted to say "No, really... you don't have to do that." And then I caught myself. Of course he doesn't have to do it. He knows that. But he's choosing to do it... and my head started spinning again. If I could, I would have done one of those stop-action scenes like Hiro on Heroes and made out with him right there. But as it was, I kept myself from gushing and crying in glee and then we started looking for a chain to go with the dog pendant.
I have heard people share similar head spinning experiences about shopping together for a piece of furniture, etc. But there was something about knowing he was getting this for me. It wasn't something generic that could be moved to another apartment someday in the future... and it would be something I'd be wearing on me all the time. Personal. Intimate. It scared me a little, but I didn't want to run away... I wanted more than anything to share with him how it made me feel. (And, for those of you who know me well, the fact that my feelings would be so front and center in this situation might really surprise you.)
We took a short break in the meantime. And one of my favorite quotes for the entire weekend came when S said "It's just a question of how long, how thick, and what shape you like" quickly followed in an oh-my-god tone by "and I can't believe I just asked you that." LOL
Once we tracked down an appropriate chain and got the deal Y was happy with, I wondered. And I didn't have to wonder long. He tucked the items away in their envelopes and we all headed off to the usual post-show dinner at Olive Garden. There was talk of D's [redacted] and discussion of the shopping experience, but not of the dog. Dinner was lovely, despite a few missteps by the help, and we hung out at S'es for a while afterward.
It wasn't until we got home that my intuition was proved to be correct. He wasn't going to make me wait to wear his gift, but he did wait until we were alone to give it to me. He wanted to be sure that I could get it on and off by myself, and he wanted a few pictures of me with it... and then we cuddled. In that moment I felt all kinds of emotions... I wanted to just let it all out. But I also knew that this was our last evening together for the weekend and part of me didn't want to dump this out without having ample time to pick up the pieces with him. So I shared with Y that this meant a lot to me and that I would be seeking a way to show him how much he meant to me. I don't know what it will be yet, but I'm keeping my eyes peeled. :-)
MONDAY. I was chatting with a friend and we shared some of our recent developments relationship-wise. And the minute I shared some of the things I did with her, I also knew I'd have to share them here. And I know now that the next time I'm with Y and we'll have the time together, I will let that fear of "what happens when I open THAT door?" fall away and let him have a closer look inside.
So how was your holiday?
THURSDAY. This year's Thanksgiving was planned to be a smaller family affair. We sometimes gather in a larger group, or do a roving holiday between two or even three locations. But I was quite content to have one dinner and allow ourselves the flexibility of not having to be everywhere and do everything. Further, I was also extremely glad to only have to be responsible for myself for this holiday... since I usually have a sister in tow, and that can put a real hamper on my schedule and plans.
I got a call from R & S, who were already sitting in traffic on highway 80 on their way to Concord. R was curious whether I could bring my domino set to play Mexican Train. Sadly I don't have one, but told her I'd work something out. After all, I have a need to please. So when given a task or challenge I try and do my best to make it happen. Checking around, all the stores I knew of that might have a set were closed -- it's a holiday don't ya know! So I called up my friend D to ask whether I might be able to borrow a set of his, and he said he'd be there for a while if I wanted to swing by. It meant diverting slightly to Livermore, but then I could surprise R with showing up with the game to play.
I was a little anxious about the time, too. I had originally thought that we weren't supposed to be eating until 3, but I learned in the same call from R that it was instead going to be 2pm. gads! I did arrive about 10 minutes late, but then we didn't eat until about 3pm anyway. I had decided that I would do my very best not to get anxious about being late, and that really paid off... since it all worked out in the end. This was T's first time cooking and she did really great. Not everything went to plan, of course, but alternatives were arranged and we still managed not to be able to eat it all. :-) Oh, and T would be glad for me to mention that no one got sick from the food either. LOL
A few fun quotes from dinner:
- Yes, I chew my pie.
- I think I'm losing my mind. I just used the dishwasher as a trash can.
- The dinner blessing: "Lord, let us all survive this meal."
As we were starting to gather left overs and pack up to head out, I checked in with Y. We had arranged last weekend for me to come back after Thanksgiving dinner to spend a few days with him. Since his own plans started later in the day, Y gave me a key to his place so that I could head over regardless of when our plans allowed. I know he did it for practical reasons -- that's what he says to me -- but it sent me a signal that Y felt he could give me a key like that. I arrived at Y's place at about 10pm. He arrived home not even a half hour later (good timing!). I'd really missed him. I knew I had, but it really rushed into my mind when I saw him and was in his arms again. (Yes, I am going to be sickeningly giddy for a while longer... get over it. ;-)
FRIDAY. Y had asked me during the week if I enjoyed shopping. I replied that I don't do it too much on my own, but I enjoy it as a team or group sport. He had the plan to hit the midnight sales (yes, MIDNIGHT... not even 4 or 5 AM) on Black Friday. So in what seemed like a whirlwind after Thanksgiving dinner, Y and I hopped into his car and ambled over to The Great Mall. We arrived at about 12:15, but the parking lot was already packed and the line of cars on the Great Mall 880S exit was so massive we took an alternate route. There were cars and people everywhere. We went around back and found a spot pretty easily in the parking structure, and headed in for the hunt.
The people were many, the lines outside the stores were long, the lines inside the stores often even longer. There were some particular deals Y wanted to cash in on at T Hilfiger. We shopped together for a bit, and as I took note of just how long the line was to get to the registers (it made almost a full circuit of the interior of the store), I suggested I might take a place in line while he continued to shop. The power of teamwork! Y came by now and again to drop things in the carry bag, let me know he was headed to the dressing rooms, etc. He surprised me when he started asking my sizes, but I offered them and tried one or two things one to confirm when he came back with stuff. This development threw me for a loop, but I went with it. I think I've got a more specific post brewing in my mind related to this, but onward with our recap.
After two and a half hours, I'd made it up to the register and Y had begun prioritizing stuff to hit the sweet spot for the sale he was shopping for. I told myself "Oh, OK... he was shopping for me to help achieve the best number" But when he started sorting stuff into the "optional" pile he didn't put any of the things he picked for me there. More head spinning. More self-worth triggers firing. More stuff to file for other blog post.
We hit two more stores for a few specific things Y wanted. I wasn't really thinking of shopping for myself and by now it was getting to be 4am. So when Y asked if there was anything in particular I wanted to shop for, I said no and that I was ready to mosey home whenever he was. We were both feeling a touch hungry -- remember it's now been about 12 hours since Thanksgiving dinner -- so we ambled over to the food court and shared a bowl of wonton soup and a couple of egg rolls. Yum. :D Then it was off to home, trying on a few things, and cuddling off into a deep slumber. And at 5am we weren't too far from going to sleep after the sun rose! I joked with Y that we might be turning into vampires.
We woke pretty late and had a late lunch. Since I'd brought my laptop with me, Y and I had some time to review our email and do normal stuff. Then we got to cuddling and dozed off together on the couch. We woke at some point and napped some more. We woke and had a late supper and then headed for bed. Sometimes you just need a lazy day! :D
SATURDAY. We got a slow start to Saturday. I joke with Y about getting up before noon, but goodness knows we all like to sleep in -- I'm told I underestimate his ability to sleep. The only thing we really had an our agenda for today was to head up to SF in the evening. We went to Lone Star, partly just to have some fun, maybe run into some friends, and who knows where else the evening might lead. Y had wanted to hit a party on Sunday, but by the time he mentioned it we'd already agreed to plans with some of my friends that were going to last into the evening. So after some of our now more usual fair during the day we headed up for an evening in SF. Although I love to drive, SF is one of those places I don't... Y seems happy to do so and I'm happy he enjoys doing that. It improves my mood tremendously not to have to deal with driving/parking in SF. :-)
Upon arriving at Lone Star, we ran into some of Y's friends coming out of the bar. Apparently there was another club type event happening that evening, and many of the bear, etc gang were planning to be there. This didn't seem everyone's cup of tea so we planned to just stick with LS. What I didn't notice happen at this point, but Y told me about later, was that one of the guys we ran into looked his way and mouthed things like "nice" and "hot" to him (apparently about me... *blush*). But in we went, and the place did seem fairly well populated.
We quickly ran into some people Y knew and I was introduced. Two of these guys were apparently buzzing quite nicely and proceeded to feel my belly. Oh my... strangers, hands on belly. But hey, I'm a slut... and it wasn't too bad -- Y didn't seem to be worried -- so I went with it. Then there was some crotch grabbing... um, OK... but then I had to pipe in "I do hope you won't be sad to learn I'm a bottom". Indeed, no! They seemed quite excited and there was some ass grabbing too. By this point I was starting to chat with some of Y's other friends there, and I think V had materialized by then too... so I took the groping in stride ("use the force, slut") and continued to have a nice time visiting.
Along the way, especially in catching up with V, who I hadn't seen in person since the 11/15 Prop 8 protest -- but we didn't really get to visit at all that day... D says V was too busy in the bushes giving blow jobs -- the subject of BDSM came up. I kept my outbound filters set at "innuendo", but poor V and M (a new person to me) both seemed to be pretty squeamish about this. But B, on the other hand, seemed to know and be interested. In fact, he even introduced me to a slave friend of his who was there. It was nice to meet fellow gay kinksters who were also bear identified... I wasn't sure I was going to meet others like that, so I was very happy to make his acquaintance.
I also noticed someone who I'd seen on bear411 and reminded me of a friend/roomate of one of my past boyfriends (Terry), so I went up to say hello. We had a few moments of "remind me", but he did actually remember. R has lost a tremendous amount of weight from the time I knew him, about 10 years ago. He's cute either way, but he was in the middle of chatting with someone else so i moseyed along once we'd said hello and established that we did actually remember each other. It was nice to see him after all that time.
Then I sat and watched Y, B, and a few others play pool -- something they apparently enjoy and are quite good at. A joke circulated that I'd be given to whomever won the game, but Y clarified that this was one particular round and he had won. ;-) I mostly had fun visiting and joshing with the guys. I think it's the most fun I can remember having at LS -- though I hadn't been back in about the same 10 years since Terry. In looking around the room, I even noticed a few guys cruising me. I tried not to send any signals, though, since I knew who I was there with.
Once last call was signalled and folks had their fill of playing pool, we ambled over to 13th street (IIRC) for some crêpes. They were quite yummy and just what we needed to cure the appetite. I went for the house special savory instead of the sweet. Then we walked back to LS for the facilities.
And that's when I had another interesting situation. I found my way to the trough urinal and no sooner found my place and unzipped than one of the guys, D, who'd obviously taken notice of me earlier in the evening came in and unzipped next to me. Now, in most guy situations in the rest room, this would have involved utter silence and quick zipping. But this is a gay bar... so I had a feeling what might be coming next. I look over and he's smiling at me. "You're damn HOT..." Is it possible to blush, wish you had a teleportation super power, and have an ego boost all at once? I thanked him for his compliment and as I zipped up and scooted behind him (space is tight in there) I suggested we'd probably see each other around -- and with the smallness of the gay bear world, this is indeed very likely.
My first thought in all of this was that if I'd been there on my own I'd probably have groped him on my way out. But I knew I was here with Y, and I've given my slut to him... so at the very least this would have to be discussed before anything else could happen. So I just sat with our now smaller troupe of friends waiting for Y to finish up and rejoin us. As we were walking back to the car, I shared with him what happened... and then he shared that D had made the same comment about me to him directly. I remember saying something about how it was a nice ego boost to be noticed like that and Y added that D would have done a lot more than just notice me. *blush*
Truth be told, I was able to accept the idea that I was desireable without feeling as if I'd missed out on something. I think my heart really does belong to Y now. I think some of this really got Y worked up though... well, based on what happened when we got home. :D >:-) Sadly we couldn't play too late since we had a relatively early start to the following day.
SUNDAY. We've been fine tuning how we sleep together. There's no less cuddling, which we both enjoy. But something I realized in this process is that I really like sleeping with him. I miss him when we're not together... and this growing desire and even need I have for him doesn't freak me out at all. I did have a start on Monday morning though when I woke, reached over, and there was a moment of concern when he wasn't there... I opened my eyes and slowly realized, "Oh, I'm at my place." *sigh*
But back to the weekend... We managed to drag ourselves out of bed and got to S'es place even before D (who lives around the corner, literally) got there. We all gathered in the van and were off to the San Mateo Gem & Jewelry show (at the SM convention center). When I'd asked Y whether he wanted to go, he didn't seem that interested in jewelry shopping... but he agreed it would be fun, and I got the sense that once he had a glimpse of the vendor booths that he was looking around for different items.
The parts that really stuck out for me were that D was shopping for L and got a really great [redacted!] -- uh uh, I'm not gonna get blamed for leaking that! -- and that Y was clearly looking for a jade pendant of a Chinese dog for me. And we really did scour the place for one, including asking vendors to check for stuff they didn't put out on display. But then as we were wandering through someone (I don't remember who exactly) spotted a gold piece with exactly what Y was looking for, a dog. I should explain, of course, that my Chinese astrological sign is the dog. ;-)
When the vendor said what the cost was, I wasn't surprised. It was 22K gold after all. What surprised me was he didn't flinch. We did continue to look around, especially for jade. But then Y mentioned going back to check out the gold piece. And when we eventually worked our way back there, he quickly bargained with them and got it. I was speechless. I'm wearing it around my neck right now and I'm still a little speechless -- no, typing doesn't count. I wanted to say "No, really... you don't have to do that." And then I caught myself. Of course he doesn't have to do it. He knows that. But he's choosing to do it... and my head started spinning again. If I could, I would have done one of those stop-action scenes like Hiro on Heroes and made out with him right there. But as it was, I kept myself from gushing and crying in glee and then we started looking for a chain to go with the dog pendant.
I have heard people share similar head spinning experiences about shopping together for a piece of furniture, etc. But there was something about knowing he was getting this for me. It wasn't something generic that could be moved to another apartment someday in the future... and it would be something I'd be wearing on me all the time. Personal. Intimate. It scared me a little, but I didn't want to run away... I wanted more than anything to share with him how it made me feel. (And, for those of you who know me well, the fact that my feelings would be so front and center in this situation might really surprise you.)
We took a short break in the meantime. And one of my favorite quotes for the entire weekend came when S said "It's just a question of how long, how thick, and what shape you like" quickly followed in an oh-my-god tone by "and I can't believe I just asked you that." LOL
Once we tracked down an appropriate chain and got the deal Y was happy with, I wondered. And I didn't have to wonder long. He tucked the items away in their envelopes and we all headed off to the usual post-show dinner at Olive Garden. There was talk of D's [redacted] and discussion of the shopping experience, but not of the dog. Dinner was lovely, despite a few missteps by the help, and we hung out at S'es for a while afterward.
It wasn't until we got home that my intuition was proved to be correct. He wasn't going to make me wait to wear his gift, but he did wait until we were alone to give it to me. He wanted to be sure that I could get it on and off by myself, and he wanted a few pictures of me with it... and then we cuddled. In that moment I felt all kinds of emotions... I wanted to just let it all out. But I also knew that this was our last evening together for the weekend and part of me didn't want to dump this out without having ample time to pick up the pieces with him. So I shared with Y that this meant a lot to me and that I would be seeking a way to show him how much he meant to me. I don't know what it will be yet, but I'm keeping my eyes peeled. :-)
MONDAY. I was chatting with a friend and we shared some of our recent developments relationship-wise. And the minute I shared some of the things I did with her, I also knew I'd have to share them here. And I know now that the next time I'm with Y and we'll have the time together, I will let that fear of "what happens when I open THAT door?" fall away and let him have a closer look inside.
So how was your holiday?