The Year 2007
All I can say that I am glad to kiss it goodbye. I don't want to say that this year was bad because okay frankly it could have been so much worse and I get lucky time to time. It was long and filled with drama that I could have done without. Yes I understand that it has to do with fate and the decisions I make at the same time that make up why the past year was pretty crappy. I will say the reason I am most upset about most things is because I found out that some people pretended to be my friends for so long and then changed. That is always hard when you get back stabbed and people smile in your face while they do it. But that's not what real friends are about so I am glad to see them go with the past as well. But on the flip side I made some new friends and stronger friendships. I love the fact that I have friends that I can call and listen to me if I need it. Will drop by or call to make sure my day is going okay. That stuff is so priceless.
But in a romantic department has been so terribly so disappointing. From last February till honestly today my heart has been stepped on so much. I do blame myself a bit because I know I stick around longer than I should because maybe my heart is bigger than my brain. It started with Leslie taking off and not being man enough to be honest with me when something serious in his life happened. But I hate to sound girlie but a guy disappearing after Valentine's Day will fuck with your head. And boy did it for months and many bottles later. But I picked myself off the ground like always and moved on. Then I met Matt this year and I am not going to lie things at times things were really good sometimes. Amazing even. No one had made me feel so loved sometimes. But when it came down to "us" it wasn't us it was always about him. I finally got tired of it all today when he started bringing things up from my past and not treating me right. I had this thought the other day at work " I should have left the day he ditched me to go to that bar with Austin and Sam". I should have left it there but my heart felt differently at the time. I don't ever want to stop believing that people have the potential to good people. I wish Matt would have shown that to me before I got sick of it. I wish my last words to him weren't fuck you but I don't want to be a doormat this year. Because lately I discovered that I do have opportunity to make things much better for me in that way. I have other offers and I don't have to do all these nice things like bring him lunch, tell him how much I care, and have his back on top of that, and not have someone not appreciate it. I think there are plenty of people that would love to have someone love them honestly in return. Matt used to tell me that it was possible for me to love only him but I am pretty sure someone else would like that deal and would believe it. I wash my hands of all of it today.
The one great accomplishment this year was that I went back to school and did it by myself. I paid for it and went and got all my credits. No one really had to much hope in the idea not even my parents so much but I did it for myself. I am going back this semester as well. I didn't do as well as I wanted but I got in there and did it everyday and worked my ass off. I believed in myself and I didn't want anyone's approval.So to people that think I am never going to amount to anything go fuck yourself because I am already making it somewhere you're not.
What I want this year is a few things. To have as much fun and adventure as I can stand. I want to get out of debt I can't that stress enough. I am dreaming for an apartment next fall. Getting into a university. Tattoos!! And I want to be fabulous above all things all year long.
New Year's Eve was just what I wanted it to be. No drama, a bonfire, and good drinks, and great company. It was hella cold but great. The stars, and fireworks, and the fire. Making smore's and being someone's dream girl for one evening. I felt like myself for a second and I smiled the whole time. I am glad I am made a good decision to go then to waste it with someone that didn't give a shit about me and to be with people that do. It made me smile when we talked about all the boys that I hit in the face in my life and that they believe that this year is going to be mine, almost like a gift.
No matter how bruised and battered I will always rise from the wreckage.
But in a romantic department has been so terribly so disappointing. From last February till honestly today my heart has been stepped on so much. I do blame myself a bit because I know I stick around longer than I should because maybe my heart is bigger than my brain. It started with Leslie taking off and not being man enough to be honest with me when something serious in his life happened. But I hate to sound girlie but a guy disappearing after Valentine's Day will fuck with your head. And boy did it for months and many bottles later. But I picked myself off the ground like always and moved on. Then I met Matt this year and I am not going to lie things at times things were really good sometimes. Amazing even. No one had made me feel so loved sometimes. But when it came down to "us" it wasn't us it was always about him. I finally got tired of it all today when he started bringing things up from my past and not treating me right. I had this thought the other day at work " I should have left the day he ditched me to go to that bar with Austin and Sam". I should have left it there but my heart felt differently at the time. I don't ever want to stop believing that people have the potential to good people. I wish Matt would have shown that to me before I got sick of it. I wish my last words to him weren't fuck you but I don't want to be a doormat this year. Because lately I discovered that I do have opportunity to make things much better for me in that way. I have other offers and I don't have to do all these nice things like bring him lunch, tell him how much I care, and have his back on top of that, and not have someone not appreciate it. I think there are plenty of people that would love to have someone love them honestly in return. Matt used to tell me that it was possible for me to love only him but I am pretty sure someone else would like that deal and would believe it. I wash my hands of all of it today.
The one great accomplishment this year was that I went back to school and did it by myself. I paid for it and went and got all my credits. No one really had to much hope in the idea not even my parents so much but I did it for myself. I am going back this semester as well. I didn't do as well as I wanted but I got in there and did it everyday and worked my ass off. I believed in myself and I didn't want anyone's approval.So to people that think I am never going to amount to anything go fuck yourself because I am already making it somewhere you're not.
What I want this year is a few things. To have as much fun and adventure as I can stand. I want to get out of debt I can't that stress enough. I am dreaming for an apartment next fall. Getting into a university. Tattoos!! And I want to be fabulous above all things all year long.
New Year's Eve was just what I wanted it to be. No drama, a bonfire, and good drinks, and great company. It was hella cold but great. The stars, and fireworks, and the fire. Making smore's and being someone's dream girl for one evening. I felt like myself for a second and I smiled the whole time. I am glad I am made a good decision to go then to waste it with someone that didn't give a shit about me and to be with people that do. It made me smile when we talked about all the boys that I hit in the face in my life and that they believe that this year is going to be mine, almost like a gift.
No matter how bruised and battered I will always rise from the wreckage.