Updates of Lately....
All I have to say is wow. Ever since New Years Eve my life has taken a three sixty. I feel like all my old problems seem so far away now. And I am so glad to say the past month has been really good to me, a breathe of fresh air.
I would have never thought I would get my head straight and be strong enough but I decided that something had to change. Well to be more frank about it someone had to leave.
I guess the reason why I bring it up at all is because of this change. I feel really dumb in the fact that I stuck around so long and once I decided to leave Matt for good my life was a million times better. I do feel a bit dumb over the fact I didn't see what was really going on. He was treating me like shit and holding me back more than anything. Its weird because I usually am a pretty driven person and I don't let people get in my way but it was different because he didn't support or trust me. Ddin't help me grow as a person, just wanted control. Its sad because I wanted things to be different and I didn'e realize what a bad person he really is.
Well I truely did Friday night. Damn. Wost twilight zone shit went down. I booked Sober Daze at the tat shop and Matt and some chick decide to drop by. I had a feeling in gut he would stoop that low but I didn' think he had the balls to go that far. It was really pathetic and I just can't get over people are that crappy sometimes. I mean what does don't ever talk to me again mean someone? Damn. Then of course he saw me with Robert someone I am dating at the moment and then proceeds to talk shit to him. I wanted to leave and my friends wanted to kick this guys ass. I hate drama and I was trying to leave before things went to far. I just looked him dead in the eye and said you went to far and stay away from me. I acted like he doesn't exist to me anymore.None.
But ok what was funny about the whole thing was this. I looked freaking smoking that night! Love it to no end. I was seen with someone new. I was rocking out having a great time. Plus he is supposedly goth now and he used to be somewhat normal kind of a wigger maybe? But posers make he laugh so hard especially when you are old enough to know better. But it was a rough fucking night and all I wanted to do was go home and it seemed endless.
I want to thank Vijay for being a great friend and for listening to me rant in the middle of the night at a bar.
And Sarah Foster because she has my best interest and is such a great friend. She had my back made me laugh and we can drink beer and just be happy with that. I love you Sarah!
But this whole week I have been pretty bummed out because nothing was going my way at all. I have so much on my mind and it makes me upset because my grades have slipped a bit nothing horrible but I can do better and it sucks. I just think I need to drop my dance class and have some more time and get less stressed.
Valetine's Day kinda sucked but I figured out I rather be alone on that day. I just want to live my life and I liked being alone ironically because I didn't used to be that way.
There is a more I want to write but its all scrambled in my head. I made some new friends in the past few weeks and I like being in Austin more. Because thats my real home it feels sometimes. And if you read this you know who you are beautiful.
But on a sad note I am going to miss Tony James. He's going to Germany and for a long ass time. But I am going to visit. It sucks because he has always been my rock and such a good decent person. Deserves the world and then some.But really sad because I think we have been getting to be friends like the old days and now he has to ship out. Miss you already dammit.
I have a lot of thinking to do but thats ok I am still in one piece. I am excited because the annual St. Patricks day trip to Dallas is in the works. Can't fucking wait to hang out with the ladies and cause trouble in that town.
Guess what? The sun is out finally and Horrorpops on the stereo.
I would have never thought I would get my head straight and be strong enough but I decided that something had to change. Well to be more frank about it someone had to leave.
I guess the reason why I bring it up at all is because of this change. I feel really dumb in the fact that I stuck around so long and once I decided to leave Matt for good my life was a million times better. I do feel a bit dumb over the fact I didn't see what was really going on. He was treating me like shit and holding me back more than anything. Its weird because I usually am a pretty driven person and I don't let people get in my way but it was different because he didn't support or trust me. Ddin't help me grow as a person, just wanted control. Its sad because I wanted things to be different and I didn'e realize what a bad person he really is.
Well I truely did Friday night. Damn. Wost twilight zone shit went down. I booked Sober Daze at the tat shop and Matt and some chick decide to drop by. I had a feeling in gut he would stoop that low but I didn' think he had the balls to go that far. It was really pathetic and I just can't get over people are that crappy sometimes. I mean what does don't ever talk to me again mean someone? Damn. Then of course he saw me with Robert someone I am dating at the moment and then proceeds to talk shit to him. I wanted to leave and my friends wanted to kick this guys ass. I hate drama and I was trying to leave before things went to far. I just looked him dead in the eye and said you went to far and stay away from me. I acted like he doesn't exist to me anymore.None.
But ok what was funny about the whole thing was this. I looked freaking smoking that night! Love it to no end. I was seen with someone new. I was rocking out having a great time. Plus he is supposedly goth now and he used to be somewhat normal kind of a wigger maybe? But posers make he laugh so hard especially when you are old enough to know better. But it was a rough fucking night and all I wanted to do was go home and it seemed endless.
I want to thank Vijay for being a great friend and for listening to me rant in the middle of the night at a bar.
And Sarah Foster because she has my best interest and is such a great friend. She had my back made me laugh and we can drink beer and just be happy with that. I love you Sarah!
But this whole week I have been pretty bummed out because nothing was going my way at all. I have so much on my mind and it makes me upset because my grades have slipped a bit nothing horrible but I can do better and it sucks. I just think I need to drop my dance class and have some more time and get less stressed.
Valetine's Day kinda sucked but I figured out I rather be alone on that day. I just want to live my life and I liked being alone ironically because I didn't used to be that way.
There is a more I want to write but its all scrambled in my head. I made some new friends in the past few weeks and I like being in Austin more. Because thats my real home it feels sometimes. And if you read this you know who you are beautiful.
But on a sad note I am going to miss Tony James. He's going to Germany and for a long ass time. But I am going to visit. It sucks because he has always been my rock and such a good decent person. Deserves the world and then some.But really sad because I think we have been getting to be friends like the old days and now he has to ship out. Miss you already dammit.
I have a lot of thinking to do but thats ok I am still in one piece. I am excited because the annual St. Patricks day trip to Dallas is in the works. Can't fucking wait to hang out with the ladies and cause trouble in that town.
Guess what? The sun is out finally and Horrorpops on the stereo.