Why does gender disphoria come on so fast and leaving under two names

[numberland]

I identify as non-binary-gendered and until recently could deal with my female name and presenting neutral most of the time. Recently things have changed. A home and with friends who understand this I have been often of late presented quite feminine and felt comfortable about this (not least because the weather is so hot here). However at the same time in general I've been feeling much more uncomfortable. I've decided to start using a gender neutral name in some situations and now I tend to feel horrible about people using my female name (though not afformentioned friends - I think that comes down to being known as not just female) and avoiding signing it on emails if at all possible. Similarly having decided to get my hair cut I then started getting very self conscious of my hair to the degree of attempting to cut some of it myself because it was just too much.

Have other people had such feelings when having identified a problem and action you then find putting up with the problem in the first place far less bearable? It sort of makes sense but doesn't help that feeling of wrongness. Gender disphoria for the fail!

Secondly, I'm trying to decide what to do about my names, I kinda want to keep my female name probably as a second name for various reasons if nothing other then it leaves me to option to use it or use the new one as desired but I'm already using the new name in some circumstances and am trying to decide how far to go at least in the short term. Again, I would love any thoughts or advice from people who have been there before in terms of using two names and the process of telling people.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts