Crappy Myspace
So myspace has officially pissed me off, but maybe that is because I am already in a bad mood to begin with.
That's right. Surprise surprise, Tracy's in a bad mood. Not like that never happens.
As the date to my wedding draws closer, I find myself wondering, Why am I even alive? Why and I here really? Is there a point?
Because right now I really don't see a point to any of it. Life just seems to get worse. I don't feel like I have any joy in living. I feel very morbid actually. I feel like I am trying so hard to reach out, but to no avail. And as I sit here, stewing, I find myself thinking about all the crap that has happened to me. Be it recently or years ago. And to be honest I don't feel anything except for a wide sense of detachment. I feel like I exist. that's it. I am here, but there is no reason for it.
I remember back when I was seriously emo and confused about life. I got hurt by people and I clung tightly to the pain. The pain was something I could feel. It was real. It made me feel real. Maybe that's why I held onto it so hard.
Now I just feel.....nothing. Or rather I feel things but they seem to be brief. The rest of the time I just feel like I am floating in an infinite abyss. There is nothing to feel. There are things to do but I feel no connection to the activities. I just do them because I have to and they are there. I could not do them, but that doesn't mean anything either.
I go to work to make money to pay my bills and keep my pathetic self alive for one more day.
I can't talk to anyone about this because no one really cares. THey tell me I am just stressed or that my life is fine. Or I get guilt tripped.
I guess I know that people will miss me, but what's the point? I am easily replaced and within a short time people will have moved on and I will have been just a name or a wisp of nothingness that never made an impact.
I AM REPLACEABLE!
That's the main point I think. I just feel like I don't do anything worthwhile. I weep for the world. But there is nothing I can do to change. I feel the pain of time as it slowly runs out. I feel the pain of change. I feel the pain of seeing what I cannot change.
And it's just crappy.
I wish I had someone to talk to....
That's right. Surprise surprise, Tracy's in a bad mood. Not like that never happens.
As the date to my wedding draws closer, I find myself wondering, Why am I even alive? Why and I here really? Is there a point?
Because right now I really don't see a point to any of it. Life just seems to get worse. I don't feel like I have any joy in living. I feel very morbid actually. I feel like I am trying so hard to reach out, but to no avail. And as I sit here, stewing, I find myself thinking about all the crap that has happened to me. Be it recently or years ago. And to be honest I don't feel anything except for a wide sense of detachment. I feel like I exist. that's it. I am here, but there is no reason for it.
I remember back when I was seriously emo and confused about life. I got hurt by people and I clung tightly to the pain. The pain was something I could feel. It was real. It made me feel real. Maybe that's why I held onto it so hard.
Now I just feel.....nothing. Or rather I feel things but they seem to be brief. The rest of the time I just feel like I am floating in an infinite abyss. There is nothing to feel. There are things to do but I feel no connection to the activities. I just do them because I have to and they are there. I could not do them, but that doesn't mean anything either.
I go to work to make money to pay my bills and keep my pathetic self alive for one more day.
I can't talk to anyone about this because no one really cares. THey tell me I am just stressed or that my life is fine. Or I get guilt tripped.
I guess I know that people will miss me, but what's the point? I am easily replaced and within a short time people will have moved on and I will have been just a name or a wisp of nothingness that never made an impact.
I AM REPLACEABLE!
That's the main point I think. I just feel like I don't do anything worthwhile. I weep for the world. But there is nothing I can do to change. I feel the pain of time as it slowly runs out. I feel the pain of change. I feel the pain of seeing what I cannot change.
And it's just crappy.
I wish I had someone to talk to....