(no subject)
This is getting so frustrating.
I have to admit, I am really, deeply jealous of everyone who has chosen a college and is moving away for certain. I'm still sitting here, not even sure if I'm going to graduate, trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do when summer is over.
I thought I knew, and I thought things were actually finalized, but of course it has to change. Everywhere I suggest going, my parents have to put down, or tell me that I wouldn't get in, or that if I want to move out, I'm on my own. They've been absolutely no help whatsoever in this decision making process and it's driving me absolutely insane, not to mention bringing me to tears at the sheer thought of it.
For the past six years, I've wanted nothing more than a chance to move out of this house and away from here. And now that the time is finally here, I find myself unwillingly glued to this place. If I end up moving out, it will be because I decided just to pack up and leave all on my own, most likely without help from my parents.
More and more I'm starting to feel like the typical problematic youngest child, who wasn't necessarily planned, but now that she's here, I guess we have to deal with her! Everything I know and everything I learned has been because of me, from something so juvenile as simple manners to bigger things like learning to keep a job or learning to drive. The support level has never been where it should be, nor the praise level. Good deeds are gone unnoticed, and the bad ones are blown out of proportion.
I can't help but feel like no matter how much I know they love me, their lives would be easier without me.
I have to admit, I am really, deeply jealous of everyone who has chosen a college and is moving away for certain. I'm still sitting here, not even sure if I'm going to graduate, trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do when summer is over.
I thought I knew, and I thought things were actually finalized, but of course it has to change. Everywhere I suggest going, my parents have to put down, or tell me that I wouldn't get in, or that if I want to move out, I'm on my own. They've been absolutely no help whatsoever in this decision making process and it's driving me absolutely insane, not to mention bringing me to tears at the sheer thought of it.
For the past six years, I've wanted nothing more than a chance to move out of this house and away from here. And now that the time is finally here, I find myself unwillingly glued to this place. If I end up moving out, it will be because I decided just to pack up and leave all on my own, most likely without help from my parents.
More and more I'm starting to feel like the typical problematic youngest child, who wasn't necessarily planned, but now that she's here, I guess we have to deal with her! Everything I know and everything I learned has been because of me, from something so juvenile as simple manners to bigger things like learning to keep a job or learning to drive. The support level has never been where it should be, nor the praise level. Good deeds are gone unnoticed, and the bad ones are blown out of proportion.
I can't help but feel like no matter how much I know they love me, their lives would be easier without me.