Fic: Everything's All wrong
Title: Everything's All Wrong
Disclaimer: I don't own em, this is RPF folks!
Rating: R-ish I suppose. I'm not really sure.
Warnings: Talk of Non-Con/Rape Nothing graphic though, some language, lots of angst.
Characters: Chris and Matt really. Very minor like almost not even there mentions of the others. Only Cory and Lea by name though.
Word count: 2,268
Spoilers: None
Summary: Matt and Chris have never been particularly close. One terrible night is going to change that.
A/N: Done for this prompt over at the glee_angst_meme. I suggest you read it first!
They said you could tell your kids from others by the back of their head. Well, Matt considered the kids on glee to be like his kids, which was why he could tell it was Chris who was staggering up ahead of him. At first he had been concerned that some of the others had given him something to drink and he was trying to make his way back to the hotel, but he quickly realized that wasn’t a drunken stagger, he was having difficulty moving. Matt broke out into a jog and easily caught up with his younger cast mate.
He and Chris weren’t particularly close. It wasn’t that he disliked the younger, that wasn’t the case. They just had very different experiences and they didn’t have a whole ton in common. Still, he cared for his younger castmate, and something was causing a very sick, dreading feeling to sink into the pit of his stomach. Chris stumbled over something, hand coming up to brace against the light post and he called out for him.
Chris jerked, stumbled again and Matt quickly caught up. It was his turn to jerk when he saw Chris in the light. His nose was bleeding and his lip had been split, and there was a big bruise on his left cheek. His hands were nicked and a few spots were bleeding and bruises littered his arms, and a large one encircled his wrists. His clothing was ripped and hanging oddly off his frame and the way Chris was trembling made denial of what happened nearly impossible.
“Oh god,” Matt breathed, hesitantly reaching out for him. “Chris, let me help you. I’ll call for an ambulance.”
“N-No, that’s not necessary.” Chris told him, turning to look at him for the first time. “I just want to go back to my room and shower.”
“The police will want-”
“I know what the procedure is. I also know exactly how I’ll be treated.” There’s a slight bitterness that Chris didn’t try to conceal and Matt slowly reached out to grab Chris’ arm. When he didn’t pull away, Matt helped steady him, taking a few more steps.
“What do you mean?” When Chris didn’t respond, Matt slowly pulled them to a stop. “Chris, what did you mean?”
“It’s happened to me before.” Chris admitted and Matt froze unsure of how to respond to that bombshell. “It doesn’t matter though; I’m gay so I must have been asking for it.” It’s bitter and Matt flinched because he can nearly taste the bitterness in the words.
“Wait a second, no!” Matt protested horror filling his chest. “That isn’t true, you obviously didn’t want this! Look at your hands-”
“Doesn’t matter,” Chris repeated. “I didn’t want it before, fought back before, they didn’t believe me then, why would they believe me now?”
Matt’s mouth worked soundlessly for a few moments. Chris looked so tired, his eyes flat and dead looking. He was shaking and even though Matt was almost positive he wasn’t cold, he shrugged off his jacket and draped it over him anyway. Chris was only twenty, he’s still just a kid, and he certainly didn’t look twenty. He seemed so very young at the moment and all Matt wanted to do was protect him. Make sure something like this never, ever happened again.
“I don’t expect you to keep it to yourself Matt.” Chris said finally, sounding completely defeated. “But I can’t go through it again, I just can’t. And if it hit the media, oh god Matt it could hit the media, everyone would know, I can‘t-.” and the tears started then. Matt has only seen Chris cry on set before, but it broke his heart then just as it was now, because now he knew when Chris cried on set he was tapping into something he shouldn’t have had to think about.
“Hey,” Matt was panicking now, because Chris was shutting down and he was shutting down fast. “Chris, it’s ok. I’m not going to make you do anything, but the others will know something happened.”
“I just want to take a shower, please just let me go back to the hotel.” Chris was past any sort of rational thinking. All he wanted was to try and feel clean. “I can’t do it again. I can’t sit there and pretend I don’t know what everyone’s thinking. That I don’t know how everyone thinks I deserved it, that I should have been able to fight them off. I can’t go through it again. I just can’t.”
“Chris,” Matt finally pulled him into a hug and Chris stiffened first before going limp against his chest, hands digging into the back of Matt’s shirt. It’s quiet except for the sound of Chris’ muffled sobs. Matt just tightens his hold as much as he dared. “I won’t make you go to the hospital, but you really need to. They can help you. I-I could go with you if you wanted me too.”
“I know.” Chris admitted in a tiny choked voice. “But it nearly killed me last time. I can’t go through the evasive procedure again. I can’t talk to the police; we’re leaving tomorrow for the next city anyhow. I’m not going to let this stop us, I…I’m not even all that hurt.”
“Chris,” Matt started, dismayed. “You’re plenty hurt.”
“Please Matt.” Chris was begging now, he didn’t even care; he just couldn’t do it again. “You weren’t there; it was hard enough last time. I did everything you’re supposed to do. I went to the hospital, I reported it, I let them do the exam and I answered all the questions, and they made it my fault.” The tears renewed and Matt tightened his grip.
“It wasn‘t your fault!”
“I know I’m not in Clovis anymore, and I know that if I went to the hospital, chances are they could handle it the right way, but I just can’t do it again. I can’t let this damage the show, or the others, and I’m so sorry you found me, because you didn’t need to be involved in this, and I just wish sometimes…” He trailed off and a heavy feeling presses down on Matt’s chest.
“What? You sometimes wish what?”
“Nevermind, it’s not important.”
“Come on, it’s ok to tell me. What do you wish?” Matt almost flinched at the use of his teacher voice, but he was willing to do whatever it took to get Chris talking.
“That I hadn’t survived the first time.” It’s whispered and if they hadn’t been standing so close, Matt never would have heard it, but he did and the older man felt like his heart stopped.
“God Chris,” He groaned, pulling him into another hug. “We can’t just let whoever did this to you get away with it. I’m not going to let the press find out about it, and I’m not going to let the others know if you don’t want me too, but you need to get checked out. I’m so glad you survived it once, and you’re strong enough to do it again. I’m not going to let you do it alone. The other won’t either, if you chose to tell them.”
Chris was silent for a long while, and Matt was starting to think perhaps he had pushed him too far, and made him think that he couldn’t trust him. Finally Chris nodded a little, but he refused to meet Matt’s eyes. He gently titled Chris’ chin up and brown eyes met watery blue-green ones.
“I’m not going to make you go, I already told you I wouldn’t. I can’t just stand by and do nothing though.”
“You’ll stay with me?” Chris asked timidly and Matt nodded.
“Yes.”
“And you won’t let anyone find out?”
“No one will find out.” He assured, hoping he wasn’t lying to him, he really couldn‘t promise that. Finally Chris gave a nod of consent and let Matt led him towards the street so he could hail a taxi.
*************
Matt kept his word; he stayed with Chris, for as long as they let him. He stayed by his side as he spoke to the police, a woman thankfully, who had been nothing but patient and kind to him. Chris had made it clear he wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to press any charges, but he would think about it. She asked him to go over what happened, and Matt felt himself tense up as he heard what he had gone through.
He’d been walking back to the hotel when he’d been grabbed from behind and shoved towards the alley. He had tried to fight them off, resulting in the bruises and marks on his hand, but eventually his attacker had just over powered him and slammed him against the wall, pinning his wrists over his head. Chris stalled for a moment before admitting to the actual rape and Matt’s breathing caught. The bruise on his cheek had been made from where he had been slammed against the wall and then pressed onto it harder as he was taken brutally. Chris cried a little when he recounted the story, and Matt quickly took up his hand, assuring him however he could that it would be ok.
Matt tried to blink tears out of his own eyes and desperately trying to squash down the sudden overwhelming desire of finding however had done it and making sure no one ever found their body. He tried to keep that off his face for Chris’ sake and once they let Chris shower, he went in search of some clothes. All he could find was a pair of sweats, but it seemed to be enough for Chris. He quickly changed, flinching as his bruises pulled and the cuts stung, but once he was dressed again all he wanted was to go back to the hotel.
Once they finally got there Matt realized the others would be worried, Chris had never shown back up and they’d been gone all night. He realized too late that they should have gone in through the back door, because Cory caught sight of Chris, let out a furious noise and suddenly Chris was dangerously close to being surrounded. They were each talking over each other trying to find out just what the hell had happened. Matt knew Chris could freak if he didn’t get more breathing room, so he quickly interjected.
“Hey guys, back off!” He said, putting himself between the over zealous group and Chris, who had flattened himself against the wall. “He got mugged, I took him to the hospital, but he’s ok, right?” Matt quickly lied, he hated to lie to them, but it wasn’t his place to tell the others what happened.
“Ye-Yeah. Sorry, yeah I’m ok, just a bit shaken up.” The fact that Chris looked like he wanted to curl up into the fetal position wasn’t exactly helping his case, it was obvious no one thought he was fine. However, no one had any reason to think it was anything other than he was just being upset and hurt over being mugged.
The girls start mother henning almost immediately. They seem to know better than to touch him without his consent first, but when Lea gently touched his arm, he allowed her to pull him into a hug. He assured the others he’s ok, but exhausted and just wants to go to bed. The others back off and tell him to come to them if he needed anything and slowly trickle back to their own rooms. Not willing to let go of his charge just yet, Matt follows Chris up to his room and waits while Chris takes another shower. When he reappeared dressed in his own clothes, Matt can see how sore he’s going to be for a few days.
“Thank you.” Chris said softly as he stiffly climbed into bed. “For everything you did.”
“Of course. And don’t worry; I’ll talk to Ryan and PR tomorrow so they can decide how to handle your ‘mugging‘.”
“You didn’t have to lie. You shouldn’t have had to.”
“Hey, you went to the hospital and talked to the police, and I promised you no one was going to find out. Not unless you want to tell them.”
“Thank you.” Chris looked exhausted like he wanted to go to sleep, but as soon as Matt made to leave he suddenly looked uncomfortable, sort of sharp and uneased.
“Would you like me to stay?” Matt asked and Chris hesitated before nodding hesitantly, a sheepish slight ashamed look flicker across his face. “Good, I’m not so sure how ready I am to relinquish care just yet.” that wasn’t a lie. He’s worried about Chris and every paternal instinct he has is screaming at him to do whatever he has to make sure something like this never happens again. He settled into the comfortable easy chair in the room and let his mind wander when Chris finally seemed to doze off.
They may not have a lot in common, but they sure as hell were going to be a whole lot closer now, Chris had tapped into some paternal instincts that Matt never even knew he had, but Chris was one of his now, and he sure as hell was going to do whatever it took to protect him. He was going to be there for every bad moment in the recovery process too, he wasn’t going to let Chris hide.
Chris wouldn’t be doing it alone this time; Matt was going to make damn sure of that.
Disclaimer: I don't own em, this is RPF folks!
Rating: R-ish I suppose. I'm not really sure.
Warnings: Talk of Non-Con/Rape Nothing graphic though, some language, lots of angst.
Characters: Chris and Matt really. Very minor like almost not even there mentions of the others. Only Cory and Lea by name though.
Word count: 2,268
Spoilers: None
Summary: Matt and Chris have never been particularly close. One terrible night is going to change that.
A/N: Done for this prompt over at the glee_angst_meme. I suggest you read it first!
They said you could tell your kids from others by the back of their head. Well, Matt considered the kids on glee to be like his kids, which was why he could tell it was Chris who was staggering up ahead of him. At first he had been concerned that some of the others had given him something to drink and he was trying to make his way back to the hotel, but he quickly realized that wasn’t a drunken stagger, he was having difficulty moving. Matt broke out into a jog and easily caught up with his younger cast mate.
He and Chris weren’t particularly close. It wasn’t that he disliked the younger, that wasn’t the case. They just had very different experiences and they didn’t have a whole ton in common. Still, he cared for his younger castmate, and something was causing a very sick, dreading feeling to sink into the pit of his stomach. Chris stumbled over something, hand coming up to brace against the light post and he called out for him.
Chris jerked, stumbled again and Matt quickly caught up. It was his turn to jerk when he saw Chris in the light. His nose was bleeding and his lip had been split, and there was a big bruise on his left cheek. His hands were nicked and a few spots were bleeding and bruises littered his arms, and a large one encircled his wrists. His clothing was ripped and hanging oddly off his frame and the way Chris was trembling made denial of what happened nearly impossible.
“Oh god,” Matt breathed, hesitantly reaching out for him. “Chris, let me help you. I’ll call for an ambulance.”
“N-No, that’s not necessary.” Chris told him, turning to look at him for the first time. “I just want to go back to my room and shower.”
“The police will want-”
“I know what the procedure is. I also know exactly how I’ll be treated.” There’s a slight bitterness that Chris didn’t try to conceal and Matt slowly reached out to grab Chris’ arm. When he didn’t pull away, Matt helped steady him, taking a few more steps.
“What do you mean?” When Chris didn’t respond, Matt slowly pulled them to a stop. “Chris, what did you mean?”
“It’s happened to me before.” Chris admitted and Matt froze unsure of how to respond to that bombshell. “It doesn’t matter though; I’m gay so I must have been asking for it.” It’s bitter and Matt flinched because he can nearly taste the bitterness in the words.
“Wait a second, no!” Matt protested horror filling his chest. “That isn’t true, you obviously didn’t want this! Look at your hands-”
“Doesn’t matter,” Chris repeated. “I didn’t want it before, fought back before, they didn’t believe me then, why would they believe me now?”
Matt’s mouth worked soundlessly for a few moments. Chris looked so tired, his eyes flat and dead looking. He was shaking and even though Matt was almost positive he wasn’t cold, he shrugged off his jacket and draped it over him anyway. Chris was only twenty, he’s still just a kid, and he certainly didn’t look twenty. He seemed so very young at the moment and all Matt wanted to do was protect him. Make sure something like this never, ever happened again.
“I don’t expect you to keep it to yourself Matt.” Chris said finally, sounding completely defeated. “But I can’t go through it again, I just can’t. And if it hit the media, oh god Matt it could hit the media, everyone would know, I can‘t-.” and the tears started then. Matt has only seen Chris cry on set before, but it broke his heart then just as it was now, because now he knew when Chris cried on set he was tapping into something he shouldn’t have had to think about.
“Hey,” Matt was panicking now, because Chris was shutting down and he was shutting down fast. “Chris, it’s ok. I’m not going to make you do anything, but the others will know something happened.”
“I just want to take a shower, please just let me go back to the hotel.” Chris was past any sort of rational thinking. All he wanted was to try and feel clean. “I can’t do it again. I can’t sit there and pretend I don’t know what everyone’s thinking. That I don’t know how everyone thinks I deserved it, that I should have been able to fight them off. I can’t go through it again. I just can’t.”
“Chris,” Matt finally pulled him into a hug and Chris stiffened first before going limp against his chest, hands digging into the back of Matt’s shirt. It’s quiet except for the sound of Chris’ muffled sobs. Matt just tightens his hold as much as he dared. “I won’t make you go to the hospital, but you really need to. They can help you. I-I could go with you if you wanted me too.”
“I know.” Chris admitted in a tiny choked voice. “But it nearly killed me last time. I can’t go through the evasive procedure again. I can’t talk to the police; we’re leaving tomorrow for the next city anyhow. I’m not going to let this stop us, I…I’m not even all that hurt.”
“Chris,” Matt started, dismayed. “You’re plenty hurt.”
“Please Matt.” Chris was begging now, he didn’t even care; he just couldn’t do it again. “You weren’t there; it was hard enough last time. I did everything you’re supposed to do. I went to the hospital, I reported it, I let them do the exam and I answered all the questions, and they made it my fault.” The tears renewed and Matt tightened his grip.
“It wasn‘t your fault!”
“I know I’m not in Clovis anymore, and I know that if I went to the hospital, chances are they could handle it the right way, but I just can’t do it again. I can’t let this damage the show, or the others, and I’m so sorry you found me, because you didn’t need to be involved in this, and I just wish sometimes…” He trailed off and a heavy feeling presses down on Matt’s chest.
“What? You sometimes wish what?”
“Nevermind, it’s not important.”
“Come on, it’s ok to tell me. What do you wish?” Matt almost flinched at the use of his teacher voice, but he was willing to do whatever it took to get Chris talking.
“That I hadn’t survived the first time.” It’s whispered and if they hadn’t been standing so close, Matt never would have heard it, but he did and the older man felt like his heart stopped.
“God Chris,” He groaned, pulling him into another hug. “We can’t just let whoever did this to you get away with it. I’m not going to let the press find out about it, and I’m not going to let the others know if you don’t want me too, but you need to get checked out. I’m so glad you survived it once, and you’re strong enough to do it again. I’m not going to let you do it alone. The other won’t either, if you chose to tell them.”
Chris was silent for a long while, and Matt was starting to think perhaps he had pushed him too far, and made him think that he couldn’t trust him. Finally Chris nodded a little, but he refused to meet Matt’s eyes. He gently titled Chris’ chin up and brown eyes met watery blue-green ones.
“I’m not going to make you go, I already told you I wouldn’t. I can’t just stand by and do nothing though.”
“You’ll stay with me?” Chris asked timidly and Matt nodded.
“Yes.”
“And you won’t let anyone find out?”
“No one will find out.” He assured, hoping he wasn’t lying to him, he really couldn‘t promise that. Finally Chris gave a nod of consent and let Matt led him towards the street so he could hail a taxi.
*************
Matt kept his word; he stayed with Chris, for as long as they let him. He stayed by his side as he spoke to the police, a woman thankfully, who had been nothing but patient and kind to him. Chris had made it clear he wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to press any charges, but he would think about it. She asked him to go over what happened, and Matt felt himself tense up as he heard what he had gone through.
He’d been walking back to the hotel when he’d been grabbed from behind and shoved towards the alley. He had tried to fight them off, resulting in the bruises and marks on his hand, but eventually his attacker had just over powered him and slammed him against the wall, pinning his wrists over his head. Chris stalled for a moment before admitting to the actual rape and Matt’s breathing caught. The bruise on his cheek had been made from where he had been slammed against the wall and then pressed onto it harder as he was taken brutally. Chris cried a little when he recounted the story, and Matt quickly took up his hand, assuring him however he could that it would be ok.
Matt tried to blink tears out of his own eyes and desperately trying to squash down the sudden overwhelming desire of finding however had done it and making sure no one ever found their body. He tried to keep that off his face for Chris’ sake and once they let Chris shower, he went in search of some clothes. All he could find was a pair of sweats, but it seemed to be enough for Chris. He quickly changed, flinching as his bruises pulled and the cuts stung, but once he was dressed again all he wanted was to go back to the hotel.
Once they finally got there Matt realized the others would be worried, Chris had never shown back up and they’d been gone all night. He realized too late that they should have gone in through the back door, because Cory caught sight of Chris, let out a furious noise and suddenly Chris was dangerously close to being surrounded. They were each talking over each other trying to find out just what the hell had happened. Matt knew Chris could freak if he didn’t get more breathing room, so he quickly interjected.
“Hey guys, back off!” He said, putting himself between the over zealous group and Chris, who had flattened himself against the wall. “He got mugged, I took him to the hospital, but he’s ok, right?” Matt quickly lied, he hated to lie to them, but it wasn’t his place to tell the others what happened.
“Ye-Yeah. Sorry, yeah I’m ok, just a bit shaken up.” The fact that Chris looked like he wanted to curl up into the fetal position wasn’t exactly helping his case, it was obvious no one thought he was fine. However, no one had any reason to think it was anything other than he was just being upset and hurt over being mugged.
The girls start mother henning almost immediately. They seem to know better than to touch him without his consent first, but when Lea gently touched his arm, he allowed her to pull him into a hug. He assured the others he’s ok, but exhausted and just wants to go to bed. The others back off and tell him to come to them if he needed anything and slowly trickle back to their own rooms. Not willing to let go of his charge just yet, Matt follows Chris up to his room and waits while Chris takes another shower. When he reappeared dressed in his own clothes, Matt can see how sore he’s going to be for a few days.
“Thank you.” Chris said softly as he stiffly climbed into bed. “For everything you did.”
“Of course. And don’t worry; I’ll talk to Ryan and PR tomorrow so they can decide how to handle your ‘mugging‘.”
“You didn’t have to lie. You shouldn’t have had to.”
“Hey, you went to the hospital and talked to the police, and I promised you no one was going to find out. Not unless you want to tell them.”
“Thank you.” Chris looked exhausted like he wanted to go to sleep, but as soon as Matt made to leave he suddenly looked uncomfortable, sort of sharp and uneased.
“Would you like me to stay?” Matt asked and Chris hesitated before nodding hesitantly, a sheepish slight ashamed look flicker across his face. “Good, I’m not so sure how ready I am to relinquish care just yet.” that wasn’t a lie. He’s worried about Chris and every paternal instinct he has is screaming at him to do whatever he has to make sure something like this never happens again. He settled into the comfortable easy chair in the room and let his mind wander when Chris finally seemed to doze off.
They may not have a lot in common, but they sure as hell were going to be a whole lot closer now, Chris had tapped into some paternal instincts that Matt never even knew he had, but Chris was one of his now, and he sure as hell was going to do whatever it took to protect him. He was going to be there for every bad moment in the recovery process too, he wasn’t going to let Chris hide.
Chris wouldn’t be doing it alone this time; Matt was going to make damn sure of that.