Fic: He Remembered
Title: He Remembered
Disclaimer: I don't own em, I if I did glee would probably have to be on a different channel.
Rating: I'd say high PG-13 or low R maybe?
Warnings: implied child abuse, implied violence, language
Word count: 2419
Summary: Burt Hummel has not always been awesome.
A/N: Done for this prompt over at glee_angst_meme. I got the idea into my head and was working on it since I got home from work. It got a little away from me, but I hope it's what you were looking for!
It was commonly agreed upon, throughout all of Glee club, that Kurt had, by far, the best, most awesome dad ever.
Kurt never disputed these facts, because really he did. Or at least, he now did. Since the summer between seventh and eighth grade to be exact. The time before that was decidedly less awesome. The others didn’t need to know what things had been like before. When his dad was drinking, or when Kurt was fairly certain his head was just too messed up to comprehend that he was hurting his kid. He wasn’t sure if his dad had ever told Carole about it, but Kurt was content never to bring it up again.
Oh sure, he of course had his moments. When his dad first found his tiara collection, he was sure it would start up again. But it didn’t. Then when Mercedes busted out the window in his car. There had been a look on his dad’s face, that just for a moment, Kurt was afraid. His father simply took his car away. Then there was the whole coming out, and Kurt had been genuinely afraid, not just that his father would react badly, but that things could go back to how they were before.
They didn’t.
Kurt continued to try and do things to ease the burden on his dad, he gave up his solo, that could have caused more problems, and his dad had been so upset when he had gotten that phone call. He replaced the windows when they were broken, he did whatever he thought was necessary to try and make his dad happy, because he never wanted things to go back to how they were before. No one had to know what it was like before, and the only person who had any inkling was Brittany, and he was fairly certain she didn’t even remember anymore. The girl couldn’t even remember her home address after all.
Kurt could remember though. He tried not to, but sometimes the memories came flooding back to him at night, in the form of nightmares. The rare occasions where he actually woke his dad up, he told him he doesn’t remember. Judging by the guilty look that passed over his dad’s face, he knew he thought it was about him or what happened at school.
He remembered when he was six, and his mother had only recently passed away. He remembered the first time he was actually scared of his dad. He’d been hungry, and had just barely managed to get two bowls of cereal together and not spill milk everywhere. He’d take it to his dad, because he needed to eat too. He couldn’t remember what exactly it was that set him off, but when his father threw the bowl against the wall, the cereal and milk exploding like a cereal bomb behind Kurt, the little boy had fled in terror. Later that night he had cleaned up the mess the best he could while his dad slept, in his passed out stupor. He never did eat anything. The next morning, his father had picked him up, the last time he ever would, and hugged him. Promising that it wouldn’t happen again, that he was sorry. Kurt believed him. He would always believe him.
He remembered being eight the first time his dad made him feel completely worthless. He doesn’t actually remember the words, but he remembered the harshness of his voice, and the emotions behind it. He remembered crawling under his sheets, fully clothed and just laying there until he stopped shivering. The words had been precise, knew exactly how to hurt. His father had been apologetic once he had sobered up, and Kurt forgave him. As he would in the following times.
He remembered being nine the first time his father put his hands on him. He’d been grabbed by his bicep, hard enough to leave a massive bruise and then thrown towards a wall. Kurt had managed to get his hands out to slow down his impact, but he hurt his wrist in the process. This time, when his father apologized, while Kurt still accepted it, he did so with a weary knowledge that it would happen again. Everything else had, he didn’t see why this would be any different.
He was not mistaken. The belittling, and the physicality did repeat itself, and after a while Kurt began to believe that maybe he was doing something to deserve it as well.
Things continued their downward spiral until the summer between seventh and eighth grade. Kurt had been walking home from the store when he’d been hit by a car. He doesn’t remember much from that day, and it bothered him a little that such a large chunk of time was missing from his memory, but he remembered waking up in the hospital, nearly a week later, the first time to an empty room.
He had been scared then, wanted his dad, wanted his mom. The nurses had been kind to him, tried to calm him down, promised his dad would be there very soon, he was just handling some business first. Kurt would find out later, that the business his father was handling was having a banana bag done, so he would sober up. Apparently, that had set something off for Burt though, because he had made the promise then that he wouldn’t drink again. At least not anytime soon, not until he was sure he’d be able to stop.
The second time he woke up, his father was sitting in the chair by the bed, full of promises of change. Kurt is tired of the empty promises though, and he’s tired of being afraid of his one remaining parent. Not knowing if he was going to get his dad, or if he was going to get the angry alcoholic who paraded around in his dad’s skin. This time, however, his dad appeared to be serious about it, because the counseling had started shortly after.
Oh, there had been a few set backs along the way, and even now there were moments where Kurt could feel himself freeze up when he saw any kind of booze around, but he felt at this point, years later, that the likeliness of his dad reverting back to that were fairly slim. Still, he couldn’t help but worry that if he does something wrong, this will change, and Kurt’s actually happy now. He didn’t want anything to change.
As it turned out, Brittany had a better memory than Kurt gave her credit for, also she couldn’t shut the hell up when she was drunk, because when Finn was in the middle of singing Burt’s praises, during one of their random glee parties, Brittany spoke up.
“He’s much better now.” She said with a nod, and she completely missed Kurt’s sharp look.
“What?” Finn scoffed and Kurt shifted, reaching out for Brittany.
“Hey, Britt why don’t we-” He didn’t have a chance to redirect her attention.
“Yeah, my parents wanted to call the gps on him a couple of times. I heard em talking about it.” There’s an awkward silence and it’s finally Santana who figured out what she meant.
“CPS?”
“Yeah!”
“Wait, wait.” Artie cut in, glancing over at Kurt, who was suddenly fascinated by the far wall. “What the hell does she mean her parents wanted to call CPS, dude, why would they want to call child services?” Kurt wracked his brain for something to say, some sort of excuse, but once again, Brittany cut him to the chase.
“They saw his bruises.”
The silence that descended was awkward and heavy, and Kurt was afraid to look around. Finally when he knew that every single person in the room was staring at him, and it’s just too much to take, he glanced around. Puck’s mouth was actually hanging open a little, and Finn is glaring at him, like he thought it was taking Kurt to long to deny these horrible accusations. It’s Mercedes who finally cut through the silence.
“Kurt?”
“Look, it’s…not that big of a deal. It was years ago, and things were bad all around.” Kurt explains quickly, as if that will just make the conversation stop. It didn’t. Quinn asked the next question, hesitant and fearful, hands clenched together.
“He hit you?”
“Guys…look, I’ll level with you. Yeah for a while, it was bad. He drank a lot and my mom’s death really messed him up. Like really bad. But things got better.”
“Bad, like he hurt you?” Tina asked, her voice sad and tearful, and Kurt desperately wanted to change the subject, but he knew he couldn’t at this point, his friends won’t let him.
“Brittany makes it sound like he was putting me in the hospital, it wasn’t like that.” Kurt tried to defend, but at the look Artie was giving him, sharp and horrified, all in one, Kurt found himself giving in. “Every once in a while, he got a little violent.” He admitted, and he watched as Mike and Matt shared troubled looks with each other.
“What exactly is your definition of a little violent?” Finn demanded, and Kurt flinched a little under the tone. He wasn’t sure if Finn was angry with him, or the situation, or that his perfect view of Burt Hummel was being altered, but none the less, Kurt figured if he has gone this far he might as well tell them everything.
“Threw me against walls, maybe a smack or something…stop looking at me like that!”
“He shook you in front of my parents.” Brittany added helpfully, and she’s so pleasantly buzzed, she didn’t seem to even realize what she’s saying.
“Yes, thank you Brittany.” Kurt cut in sharply, but she didn’t acknowledge the tone. Instead Santana gave him a calculating look and something clicked in her head.
“Is that why you were absent for the first quarter of eighth grade?” Her voice sounded decidedly, un-Santana like, and Kurt realized with a start, it was because she was actually upset. He shook his head.
“No, that’s what actually sort of turned everything around.” He didn’t want to elaborate, but when Mercedes motioned for him to continue he sighed, and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t really know what you guys want from me.”
“The truth.” Artie said simply. “We want to know what happened to you.” And there was something in his voice, that was so desperate and pleading, and he just wanted to help, that Kurt couldn’t say no. He didn’t want to have this conversation, not with everyone here, but Matt nodded and Mike reached and gave his shoulder an affectionate squeeze.
“Look, my mom died real suddenly, and it messed my dad up real bad. He was suddenly a single parent and he didn’t know how to cope. Turns out he couldn’t cope at all apparently and he started drinking. At first, it was just kind of neglectful stuff. Forgot about dinner, things like that. Eventually he got a little more violent. It was the summer before seventh and eighth grade that I got hit by a car, and it stopped.”
He waited until the startled exclamations of alarm stop, and the others settled from their momentary outbreak. He’s sharing more than he would like, but Glee was part of his family now, his pushy, didn’t know when the hell to back off and leave him alone, family. They were concerned and they wanted to know, so he hesitantly told them.
“Look, yeah sometimes it got physical and I ended up bruised, but you guys can’t think it was bad all the time. He was an alcoholic. After my accident, he got help.”
“What do you mean you got hit by a car?” Puck demanded and Kurt fidgeted for a moment.
“I was crossing the street, I had the walk signal, and someone whipped around the corner and plowed me down. He was pissed that I broke his windshield actually, or so I‘m told, I don‘t actually remember that day particularly well.”
“And your dad just stopped drinking because you got hit by a car?” Rachel asked doubtfully and Kurt resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
“No, it wasn’t that simple. I actually woke up alone the first time. Then the second time, he was in the chair telling me that he was going to get help. He was the one who sent me to the store, and he felt guilty. I guess in a way, it worked out for the best, because he stopped drinking, got himself some counseling, and things got better, got to how they are now.”
“You’re still scared though.” Finn was unusually observant tonight, and Kurt shifted uncomfortably.
“No, uneased at times, maybe, but not scared.” Finn’s mouth was beginning to creak open and Kurt held up a hand to stop him before he got started. “Listen, I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. It was never anything I intended to discuss with any of you-” and he flat out ignored the hurt look that flashed across Finn’s face. “Because it’s in the past, and it’s best left there. I advise you all to leave it there.”
There’s something in the way that he said it, that made the others realize that Kurt really wasn’t advising them of anything, he was flat out telling them to leave it alone. Not to bring it up again, because as far as he was concerned it was a closed chapter in his life. It had sucked when it happened, but it was over and done with now, and there was no need to rehash it. The others exchanged worried glances and perturbed looks before Artie cleared his throat and motioned towards the TV and game system.
“I bet five dollars I can totally own Puck at Guitar Hero.”
“I’ll back Artie.” Kurt put in, knowing an out when he saw one. Puck glanced at Kurt for a moment before shrugging.
“You’re on Abrams.”
It took a while, but eventually the others drifted over to the TV and the battle going on between Artie and Puck. Soon enough, it was almost like they had forgotten all about what happened. They hadn’t of course, but they were wise enough not to mention it.
Of course they all had made the silent vow to keep an eye out for Kurt, because what he went through as a kid, they weren’t going to allow a repeat performance of.
Disclaimer: I don't own em, I if I did glee would probably have to be on a different channel.
Rating: I'd say high PG-13 or low R maybe?
Warnings: implied child abuse, implied violence, language
Word count: 2419
Summary: Burt Hummel has not always been awesome.
A/N: Done for this prompt over at glee_angst_meme. I got the idea into my head and was working on it since I got home from work. It got a little away from me, but I hope it's what you were looking for!
It was commonly agreed upon, throughout all of Glee club, that Kurt had, by far, the best, most awesome dad ever.
Kurt never disputed these facts, because really he did. Or at least, he now did. Since the summer between seventh and eighth grade to be exact. The time before that was decidedly less awesome. The others didn’t need to know what things had been like before. When his dad was drinking, or when Kurt was fairly certain his head was just too messed up to comprehend that he was hurting his kid. He wasn’t sure if his dad had ever told Carole about it, but Kurt was content never to bring it up again.
Oh sure, he of course had his moments. When his dad first found his tiara collection, he was sure it would start up again. But it didn’t. Then when Mercedes busted out the window in his car. There had been a look on his dad’s face, that just for a moment, Kurt was afraid. His father simply took his car away. Then there was the whole coming out, and Kurt had been genuinely afraid, not just that his father would react badly, but that things could go back to how they were before.
They didn’t.
Kurt continued to try and do things to ease the burden on his dad, he gave up his solo, that could have caused more problems, and his dad had been so upset when he had gotten that phone call. He replaced the windows when they were broken, he did whatever he thought was necessary to try and make his dad happy, because he never wanted things to go back to how they were before. No one had to know what it was like before, and the only person who had any inkling was Brittany, and he was fairly certain she didn’t even remember anymore. The girl couldn’t even remember her home address after all.
Kurt could remember though. He tried not to, but sometimes the memories came flooding back to him at night, in the form of nightmares. The rare occasions where he actually woke his dad up, he told him he doesn’t remember. Judging by the guilty look that passed over his dad’s face, he knew he thought it was about him or what happened at school.
He remembered when he was six, and his mother had only recently passed away. He remembered the first time he was actually scared of his dad. He’d been hungry, and had just barely managed to get two bowls of cereal together and not spill milk everywhere. He’d take it to his dad, because he needed to eat too. He couldn’t remember what exactly it was that set him off, but when his father threw the bowl against the wall, the cereal and milk exploding like a cereal bomb behind Kurt, the little boy had fled in terror. Later that night he had cleaned up the mess the best he could while his dad slept, in his passed out stupor. He never did eat anything. The next morning, his father had picked him up, the last time he ever would, and hugged him. Promising that it wouldn’t happen again, that he was sorry. Kurt believed him. He would always believe him.
He remembered being eight the first time his dad made him feel completely worthless. He doesn’t actually remember the words, but he remembered the harshness of his voice, and the emotions behind it. He remembered crawling under his sheets, fully clothed and just laying there until he stopped shivering. The words had been precise, knew exactly how to hurt. His father had been apologetic once he had sobered up, and Kurt forgave him. As he would in the following times.
He remembered being nine the first time his father put his hands on him. He’d been grabbed by his bicep, hard enough to leave a massive bruise and then thrown towards a wall. Kurt had managed to get his hands out to slow down his impact, but he hurt his wrist in the process. This time, when his father apologized, while Kurt still accepted it, he did so with a weary knowledge that it would happen again. Everything else had, he didn’t see why this would be any different.
He was not mistaken. The belittling, and the physicality did repeat itself, and after a while Kurt began to believe that maybe he was doing something to deserve it as well.
Things continued their downward spiral until the summer between seventh and eighth grade. Kurt had been walking home from the store when he’d been hit by a car. He doesn’t remember much from that day, and it bothered him a little that such a large chunk of time was missing from his memory, but he remembered waking up in the hospital, nearly a week later, the first time to an empty room.
He had been scared then, wanted his dad, wanted his mom. The nurses had been kind to him, tried to calm him down, promised his dad would be there very soon, he was just handling some business first. Kurt would find out later, that the business his father was handling was having a banana bag done, so he would sober up. Apparently, that had set something off for Burt though, because he had made the promise then that he wouldn’t drink again. At least not anytime soon, not until he was sure he’d be able to stop.
The second time he woke up, his father was sitting in the chair by the bed, full of promises of change. Kurt is tired of the empty promises though, and he’s tired of being afraid of his one remaining parent. Not knowing if he was going to get his dad, or if he was going to get the angry alcoholic who paraded around in his dad’s skin. This time, however, his dad appeared to be serious about it, because the counseling had started shortly after.
Oh, there had been a few set backs along the way, and even now there were moments where Kurt could feel himself freeze up when he saw any kind of booze around, but he felt at this point, years later, that the likeliness of his dad reverting back to that were fairly slim. Still, he couldn’t help but worry that if he does something wrong, this will change, and Kurt’s actually happy now. He didn’t want anything to change.
As it turned out, Brittany had a better memory than Kurt gave her credit for, also she couldn’t shut the hell up when she was drunk, because when Finn was in the middle of singing Burt’s praises, during one of their random glee parties, Brittany spoke up.
“He’s much better now.” She said with a nod, and she completely missed Kurt’s sharp look.
“What?” Finn scoffed and Kurt shifted, reaching out for Brittany.
“Hey, Britt why don’t we-” He didn’t have a chance to redirect her attention.
“Yeah, my parents wanted to call the gps on him a couple of times. I heard em talking about it.” There’s an awkward silence and it’s finally Santana who figured out what she meant.
“CPS?”
“Yeah!”
“Wait, wait.” Artie cut in, glancing over at Kurt, who was suddenly fascinated by the far wall. “What the hell does she mean her parents wanted to call CPS, dude, why would they want to call child services?” Kurt wracked his brain for something to say, some sort of excuse, but once again, Brittany cut him to the chase.
“They saw his bruises.”
The silence that descended was awkward and heavy, and Kurt was afraid to look around. Finally when he knew that every single person in the room was staring at him, and it’s just too much to take, he glanced around. Puck’s mouth was actually hanging open a little, and Finn is glaring at him, like he thought it was taking Kurt to long to deny these horrible accusations. It’s Mercedes who finally cut through the silence.
“Kurt?”
“Look, it’s…not that big of a deal. It was years ago, and things were bad all around.” Kurt explains quickly, as if that will just make the conversation stop. It didn’t. Quinn asked the next question, hesitant and fearful, hands clenched together.
“He hit you?”
“Guys…look, I’ll level with you. Yeah for a while, it was bad. He drank a lot and my mom’s death really messed him up. Like really bad. But things got better.”
“Bad, like he hurt you?” Tina asked, her voice sad and tearful, and Kurt desperately wanted to change the subject, but he knew he couldn’t at this point, his friends won’t let him.
“Brittany makes it sound like he was putting me in the hospital, it wasn’t like that.” Kurt tried to defend, but at the look Artie was giving him, sharp and horrified, all in one, Kurt found himself giving in. “Every once in a while, he got a little violent.” He admitted, and he watched as Mike and Matt shared troubled looks with each other.
“What exactly is your definition of a little violent?” Finn demanded, and Kurt flinched a little under the tone. He wasn’t sure if Finn was angry with him, or the situation, or that his perfect view of Burt Hummel was being altered, but none the less, Kurt figured if he has gone this far he might as well tell them everything.
“Threw me against walls, maybe a smack or something…stop looking at me like that!”
“He shook you in front of my parents.” Brittany added helpfully, and she’s so pleasantly buzzed, she didn’t seem to even realize what she’s saying.
“Yes, thank you Brittany.” Kurt cut in sharply, but she didn’t acknowledge the tone. Instead Santana gave him a calculating look and something clicked in her head.
“Is that why you were absent for the first quarter of eighth grade?” Her voice sounded decidedly, un-Santana like, and Kurt realized with a start, it was because she was actually upset. He shook his head.
“No, that’s what actually sort of turned everything around.” He didn’t want to elaborate, but when Mercedes motioned for him to continue he sighed, and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t really know what you guys want from me.”
“The truth.” Artie said simply. “We want to know what happened to you.” And there was something in his voice, that was so desperate and pleading, and he just wanted to help, that Kurt couldn’t say no. He didn’t want to have this conversation, not with everyone here, but Matt nodded and Mike reached and gave his shoulder an affectionate squeeze.
“Look, my mom died real suddenly, and it messed my dad up real bad. He was suddenly a single parent and he didn’t know how to cope. Turns out he couldn’t cope at all apparently and he started drinking. At first, it was just kind of neglectful stuff. Forgot about dinner, things like that. Eventually he got a little more violent. It was the summer before seventh and eighth grade that I got hit by a car, and it stopped.”
He waited until the startled exclamations of alarm stop, and the others settled from their momentary outbreak. He’s sharing more than he would like, but Glee was part of his family now, his pushy, didn’t know when the hell to back off and leave him alone, family. They were concerned and they wanted to know, so he hesitantly told them.
“Look, yeah sometimes it got physical and I ended up bruised, but you guys can’t think it was bad all the time. He was an alcoholic. After my accident, he got help.”
“What do you mean you got hit by a car?” Puck demanded and Kurt fidgeted for a moment.
“I was crossing the street, I had the walk signal, and someone whipped around the corner and plowed me down. He was pissed that I broke his windshield actually, or so I‘m told, I don‘t actually remember that day particularly well.”
“And your dad just stopped drinking because you got hit by a car?” Rachel asked doubtfully and Kurt resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
“No, it wasn’t that simple. I actually woke up alone the first time. Then the second time, he was in the chair telling me that he was going to get help. He was the one who sent me to the store, and he felt guilty. I guess in a way, it worked out for the best, because he stopped drinking, got himself some counseling, and things got better, got to how they are now.”
“You’re still scared though.” Finn was unusually observant tonight, and Kurt shifted uncomfortably.
“No, uneased at times, maybe, but not scared.” Finn’s mouth was beginning to creak open and Kurt held up a hand to stop him before he got started. “Listen, I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. It was never anything I intended to discuss with any of you-” and he flat out ignored the hurt look that flashed across Finn’s face. “Because it’s in the past, and it’s best left there. I advise you all to leave it there.”
There’s something in the way that he said it, that made the others realize that Kurt really wasn’t advising them of anything, he was flat out telling them to leave it alone. Not to bring it up again, because as far as he was concerned it was a closed chapter in his life. It had sucked when it happened, but it was over and done with now, and there was no need to rehash it. The others exchanged worried glances and perturbed looks before Artie cleared his throat and motioned towards the TV and game system.
“I bet five dollars I can totally own Puck at Guitar Hero.”
“I’ll back Artie.” Kurt put in, knowing an out when he saw one. Puck glanced at Kurt for a moment before shrugging.
“You’re on Abrams.”
It took a while, but eventually the others drifted over to the TV and the battle going on between Artie and Puck. Soon enough, it was almost like they had forgotten all about what happened. They hadn’t of course, but they were wise enough not to mention it.
Of course they all had made the silent vow to keep an eye out for Kurt, because what he went through as a kid, they weren’t going to allow a repeat performance of.