(no subject)
i really need to start updating this more. jesse and i are still together as of right now, even though its been kinda rocky for the past few days. his brain is fried cuz of all his stress, but he really doesnt want to break up, even though i have given him the option millions of times. its to the point where i dont really care anymore. i mean, i really love him, but hes putting me through too much shit right now. but i guess thats what being in a relationship is about, being there for each other when times are bad. i guess this is just one of those times. i talked to his mom for a long time last night, she really doesnt want us to break up either, she said i was the best thing that has ever come into his life. but she knows hes treating me like shit, so she said that i had to do whatever made me happy. she thinks jesse will snap out of his issues sometime this week when they move, and when jake gets fired. i think jake has a lot to do with it. hes always hanging out with him now, and that kinda pisses me off. i dont ever get to see him anymore. its like, i have to be there for him all the time, but hes never there for me. im really used to that though.
holly came down from detroit last week. i love her so much, we had a blast. im trying to get up there for fall break next weekend. at least get up to cleveland and meet her up there. it sucked when she left. i feel bad cuz none of our other friends called her to hang out, so she got stuck going to class and work with me. speaking of classes, i dropped oceania and criminology. im trying to convince lewis to have crim in the summer. thats a course that you need to take without any other classes. its so much work. so i just said fuck it. ive had 5 panic attacks since school started and the bullshit jesse keeps putting me through just doesnt help. he doesnt understand that his problems are mine too cuz im always with him. when his family gets evicted from their apt it affects me too. shit like that. i dont know how much longer we are going to be together. he did get me a new hatchet man for my birthday, and hes getting it engraved with KQ. his clown name is kartoon king (KK) and he always calls me his queen, or kings queen (KQ). its sweet. its hard, even though hes being distant now, i know he needs me more than ever, everyone says it, including his mom, friends, and him. it just sucks. i hate going through this all the time. i dont know how much more i can take...
holly came down from detroit last week. i love her so much, we had a blast. im trying to get up there for fall break next weekend. at least get up to cleveland and meet her up there. it sucked when she left. i feel bad cuz none of our other friends called her to hang out, so she got stuck going to class and work with me. speaking of classes, i dropped oceania and criminology. im trying to convince lewis to have crim in the summer. thats a course that you need to take without any other classes. its so much work. so i just said fuck it. ive had 5 panic attacks since school started and the bullshit jesse keeps putting me through just doesnt help. he doesnt understand that his problems are mine too cuz im always with him. when his family gets evicted from their apt it affects me too. shit like that. i dont know how much longer we are going to be together. he did get me a new hatchet man for my birthday, and hes getting it engraved with KQ. his clown name is kartoon king (KK) and he always calls me his queen, or kings queen (KQ). its sweet. its hard, even though hes being distant now, i know he needs me more than ever, everyone says it, including his mom, friends, and him. it just sucks. i hate going through this all the time. i dont know how much more i can take...