babies and dogs. A fabulous TMI team:
Today was a BAD day. Roland had a diaper blow out. Ok, sure fine, I'm old hat at this by this point.
I go to change the diaper and he decided at THAT JUNCTURE to do that thing that kids do, you know where, they stiffen all of their muscles and then at the same time do a barrel roll to the side while arching his back. You know what I mean.
What this accomplished was two things. Aggravating me and then spreading poop ALL over ME, him, and THE FLOOR. Foul! GROSS! Disgusting.
And then he started shrieking and writhing while STILL ARCHING HIS BACK because I was holding him down and then *gasp* CLEANING HIM OFF.
Oh but there was more.
After all of that, I then nursed him. He finished nursing and we were cuddling in bed. I was trying to get him down for a nap. He crawls on to my lap, gets in my face and then grins and goes URRRRRp.
All. Over. My. Face.
And then at that point, where I think things can't get possibly any more squalid... they do.
Duffy (my Welsh Corgi) jumps on the bed. I smell a very horrifyingly familiar smell. He's got the kid's diaper cover in his mouth. and he's covered in shit. He had plucked it out of the bathroom where I had temporarily stashed it on the floor next to the toilet - I intended to grab it and rinse it out and bring it down to the basement and throw it in a load of wash as soon as the kid was down for his nap.
I haul the milky spit up covered kid and NASTY dog into the bathroom. Bess (My GOOD dog) is watching all of this with the clinical disinterested look of a cineast.
I pitch the kid into the bathtub with some Burts Bees bubble bath and bath toys. I then corner Duffy and brush his teeth I throw away the toothbrush.
Everyone + the bed gets cleaned up. I begin to count down the minutes until my husband gets home.
A very VERY familiar smell fills the air once again. A sneaky sniff to my son's butt reveals the source. Thankfully my husband pulls into the driveway at that very minute, and I hand the kid to him saying "THIS IS YOURS" while I stalk upstairs try to scrub my hands clean for the 5th time today.