Landsbury Beatles Tribute Success
"I hear Landsbury's a god on the 'bone."
- Jay Stanley
Ed note: Tony would like to wish NicHole (njkobie) a happy birthday. Except, pretend it's tomorrow right now. Which, in London it almost is. I think. Anyway, on with the show...
Jacksonville, FL - Singer/actress Angela Landsbury wowed Super Bowl spectators Sunday with an unexpected Halftime tribute to the Beatles.
The surprise performance came just hours after scheduled headliner Lindsay Lohan was pulled from the Halftime lineup. Despite the last minute change however, Landsbury did not disappoint. In what has been described as her greatest performance since Bedknobs, the singer brought at least one senior citizen to tears.
“I didn’t think she would ever top Murder, She Wrote: South by Southwest,” wept Mary Grimes, watching the performance from her subsidized apartment. “But she blew the fucker right out of the water. I hope Anthony is watching this.”
Gerry Grimes, Mrs. Grimes’ estranged husband, agreed.
“Landsbury is a fucking genius! I mean, I thought she was awesome before, but when she blasted us with a sing-along to Hey Jude, I nearly shit my pants! I mean, I can’t hear that song enough. Fuck yeah! If only Johnnie Ray were alive to see this.”
Organizers made the decision to pull Lohan when they learned she checked a burlap sack of kittens into instrument lockup prior to sound check.
“We’re not sure what she planned to do with them,” explained NFL spokesman Daorcey LeBray. “But we thought a lineup change was best, given her recent attempts to shed her good-girl image.”
Concerns over Lohan began during rehearsals early last week when she apparently expressed the desire to swing in from the rafters on a “huge mother-fucking dildo”, but LeBray admitted the final decision was made for the sake of PR.
“We wouldn’t have given two shits a year ago,” LeBray continued. "But everything changed after 38. We’re living in a post-malfunction world now. I mean, you can’t just televise a midget-toss whenever you want anymore, y'know?”
Encouraged by their recent success, organizers announced Tuesday that the front-runner for next year’s Halftime Show is Billy Crystal.