Calgary Man Tires of Blog, Adopts Fake News Format
Calgary, AB - Local web developer Tony Grimes adopted a fake-news web journal format after realizing his life is boring as hell.
"I've had little desire to update my journal as of late," he stated after making the decision Thursday. "There just isn't anything very exciting going on in my life right now. I get up; I go to work; I come home; I work some more; I sleep. That's pretty much it. I mean, what am I going to write about? Bran muffins? Yeah, right. I think this new format will really spice some shit up jalopeño-style."
Grimes is no stranger to in-your-face journalism.
"I was editor at my university newspaper and this journalism thing is pretty cut and dry", Grimes explained. "It's all about the up-side-down pyramid, man. You start with a wicked lead, back the fucker up with some quotes, add a dash of retort and finish her off abruptly with a useless fact or two. Gravy."
Despite his mad skills, Grimes has his critics. James Keller, journalism student at Halifax and former colleague of Grimes, is not convinced of his credentials.
"For one thing, the guy misspelled lede," Keller stressed. "And yeah, he was an editor at The Gauntlet. A web editor! The guy copy and pastes some text and all of a sudden he's a fucking news journalist? What, did he get tutored by his spirit animal?!? Jesus Christ!"
But Grimes is not worried.
"Yeah, there are many who are jealous of my awesome talent and majestic heritage," he said. "But, I'm really doing them a service when you think about it. Just complaining about me gives their lives meaning. And besides, James is a cock-loving Nazi. His parents told me so."
Keller's family confirmed Grimes' claims.
"Oh yeah, he's a Nazi all right. And Christ, does he ever love the cock," Mrs. Keller said proudly.
Grimes is still amazed that people go to school for this shit.