Hawaii 5-0: Things that will lend verisimilitude to your fic
So, I don't read H50 fic, (or really watch the show) except when it occasionally shows up on my f-list/reading page as a rec and/or I don't have a new (or old) fandom I want to consume desperately with the voracious hunger of a sentient black hole. That said, I have watched the first season (look, there are (one and a half) Asian actors in major starring roles. Even Firefly didn't have that, OK?) and after laughing at the insanity of the geography (and having my "JESUS CHRIST ON A FUCKING FLAMING STICK WHY CAN'T YOU BASTARDS ACTUALLY CAST AN ASIAN ACTOR WHO'S OF THE SAME RACE AS THE ONE THE CHARACTER'S SUPPOSED TO BE YOU FUCKTARDS" moment) I actually found myself increasingly rolling my eyes at the totally non-local nature of Steve McGarrett. And so, this rant was born.
1. Hawaii is incredibly racist. No. Really. And the thing is, nobody really gives a crap. Racial jokes are pretty much a thing. Everybody makes them. And, at least in my generation (and I'm approximately of the same generation as the current cast, possibly a little younger), nobody cared; mostly because everybody is some kind of mix (and there's an important point here I'll get to in a minute). As examples of some of the racial tropes in Hawaii: the Chinese are cheap (calling someone a "chang bastard" is the equivalent of calling them a tightwad), the Portuguese are stupid (no, I don't know why), and the Samoans will fuck you up (if someone is a "tita" that means they're a big, nasty, Samoan gangstress). A haole is a white boy, and this phrase can be used to describe a haole who's family goes back to the missionaries, or someone who's fresh from the mainland (which would be what we all call the continental US); it's not -- at least among upper-middle class folk which is where my family fell -- a derogatory phrase. At least, it's not usually meant to be. And -- and if this isn't something to strike fear into the hearts of conservative white America -- haoles are the racial minority in Hawaii. (Asians are the racial plurality.)
That said, there is still an undercurrent of racial tension in Hawaii. Some of this involves accusing people of "trying to be white". A common insult back in my day was to call someone of Asian heritage (which, quite frankly, is most folks in Hawaii) a "banana", meaning "yellow on the outside, white on the inside". Similarly, one of the top schools in Hawaii, Punahou, (you know, the one Barack Obama attended?) is still known as "the rich white kid's school" because of it's history as the school for Hawaii's rich, white, missionary children (more on schools later). So, yes, there is racial tension in Hawaii. There's also blatant racism in the sense of making fun of racial stereotypes. Basically, racism-for-amusement is the norm in Hawaii; but I still wouldn't go making fun of the Samoans, especially if you're a haole boy tourist.
2. Along with the general racism of white vs. non-white, inter-Asian racism is incredibly prevalent. I honestly don't think I can stress this enough, although if you know your Asian history, you're not going to be that surprised[1]. As a quick overview of the racial hierarchy of Asian-Americans (and their racial attitudes, at least in Hawaii), Chinese- and Japanese- Americans consider themselves to be superior to all other Asians -- and by "all other Asians" they generally mean the Koreans and possibly the Vietnamese. If they're feeling generous. [4] Filipinos are technically Asian, but we don't like to admit it, and there really aren't a whole lot of Thai (though there are a lot of Thai restaurants). Everybody else is just "southeast Asian" and they can kind of go fuck themselves so far as the Chinese and Japanese (and, really, the Koreans too) are concerned. Oh, and never call a Taiwanese "Chinese" -- it's guaranteed to piss them off.
That said, because of the mixing pot nature of Hawaii's culture, most folk celebrate/have knowledge of both Japanese and Chinese cultural rituals/events. Chinese New Year is always celebrated, there's taiko drumming lessons, and pretty much everything anywhere a tourist might conceivably go has a sign written in both Japanese and English. Everybody knows their racial makeup (by which I mean you ask a kid "what are you" and they can tell you they're "a quarter Chinese, a quarter Japanese, 1/8 English and 1/8 German". Yes, we really are that accurate about our ethnicities), but there's not a drive (at least not anymore; there probably was back in the grandparent's day) towards maintaining racial purity. That said, I'm really hoping that Daniel Dae Kim's character is supposed to be Chinese/Korean and not straight-up Chinese. 'Cause if he's supposed to be straight-up Chinese then, dude. Racial foul.
2b. As a minor corollary, if you're Chinese (or part Chinese) in Hawaii, and your family's been there a few generations, it's entirely possible that you're related to most of the folk on the island (by which I mean Oahu). Why? Because two generations ago (i.e., the Baby Boomers parents), the Chinese had big families. Like huge. Like, 9 kids kind of big. Which is good for the trope of Kono and Chin being all palsy because, yes, most folk do get together with their extended family, but it's also kind of bad since when you've got 100 first cousins (as my mom does), it's really fucking hard to keep track of them all.
3. Most Hawaiians (and here I mean residents of the state of Hawaii, not Native Hawaiians) can speak pidgin. It's what Kamekona speaks. Sort of. [5] Most people, in my experience, don't speak Hawaiian. At least, no where near as much as Chin does. This is in part because Native Hawaiians have the same struggles and issues with cultural assimilation/destruction as all other indigenous people of the United States. However, it's also in part because doing so, in my opinion, makes you look kind of like a dick. And also raises issues of cultural appropriation which the Native Hawaiians can be incredibly touchy about.[6] That said, yes, most folk do know Native Hawaiian words. There are several in common usage, but the four that would probably show up most often (besides "haole", "mahalo", "aloha", and "hapa" (meaning half and used to describe someone who's half-white; it's always hapa-haole, never hapa-Japanese or hapa-Hawaiian) would be: kama'aina (which is generally used to mean local in the sense of: local discount); keiki (little kid); mauka (towards the mountains -- it's used as a direction. No, really. You tell someone to meet you on the "mauka" side of the building and expect them to be there when you arrive); and makai (towards the ocean; again, a directional term).[7]
Quite frankly, I'd guess more people know Japanese words/phrases than they do Hawaiian ones.
4. In Hawaii, it's more important where you went to high school than where you went to college. Which means if someone asks "What school you go to", they're asking "which High School did you graduate from". This is because there are very deep high school rivalries. That said, if we're talking about private schools (and we are, because quite frankly Hawaii's public schools are shit; this is what comes out of over unionization and the fact that the schools aren't supported by property taxes), there are only 3 big private schools with any sort of academic cred: Punahou (aka, the rich white kids school, aka the school Steve Case of Time Warner fame graduated from, aka, the school that the fucking President of the United States went to), Iolani (aka, the smart Asian kids school -- no, really, that's their rep and they do run things on a kind of Japanese high school line; the kids have to stand when the teacher enters the room), or Kamehama (aka, the school that only accepts Native Hawaiians and had a huge fucking lawsuit about that about a decade ago). Grace Williams does not go to one of these 3. She goes to Sacred Heart Academy, a private, Catholic, all girls school associated with St. Louis High School (which is, actually, the big high school football school in the state). This has two important implications. First, it means either the step-dad is probably not that rich or she's not that smart. Why? Because if Step-Stan was rich enough (and/or Grace was smart enough) she'd be going to Punahou or Iolani, because those are the two schools that will give her the best chance at an Ivy league education. Also the ones with the biggest opportunities/best academic standings, etc., etc. Second implication is that Grace is never going to meet "a boy in her class". All girls school, remember? Also, all girls Catholic school, so Danno could legitimately have conniptions about Catholic School Girl issues.
5. Danno is right about surfing being an incredibly dangerous sport. In the winter months, when everyone's going to the North Shore for the winter swell, waves can reach up to 16 feet. On average. Yeah. That's not a typo. Also, the North swell is far more dangerous/extreme than the milder, summer south swell (which is the swell you'd catch in Waikiki; although really, most self-respecting locals don't go to Waikiki). In addition to just insanely big waves, the North Shore has surf spots where, if you're not careful, you'll surf right into some giant rocks. Yes, you heard me. Rocks. As in: you wipe out, there's a better than even chance you're going to break your back. Summer swells are much better/safer, although you still have the dangers of drowning because your own board has shot up into the air, come back down, and knocked you the fuck out. That said, if Kono is surfing and working at the same time, she's either up at an insane hour (oh, and by the way, Hawaii doesn't do daylight savings) being part of the dawn patrol, or surfing in the late afternoon. And if she's surfing in popular spots (i.e., where noobs/tourists surf), she's got to watch out for swimmers, other surfers, paddlers (in canoes), and wind surfers. Also, surfing is really 90% waiting around for a decent set, 9% doing what can only be described as an insane core workout and 1% actually catching a wave. Of course, catching a wave does kind of make up for all the other bull shit.
6. Hawaii has an incredibly, incredibly complex land ownership system. There are 3 reasons for this fact. First, some of the land belongs to the Native Hawaiians as reparation for the whole "whoops, we started a revolution and usurped your crown/land" thing[8]. None of this land is contiguous, by the way. Oh, and discovery of burial grounds/sacred sites can really fuck up land development. Second, the majority of the rest of the land (which, quite frankly, is like 80% of the total land available) belongs to one of three major trusts created by the descendants of the first missionaries to visit Hawaii. This means you can own your house but not the land underneath your house. Finally, what land isn't owned by the government or the trusts is so prohibitively expensive (and Hawaii's average income is so insanely out of whack with housing prices) that even if you own land valued at over a million dollars (and we're not talking big tracts of land, mind you; we're talking, a lot size of between 5000 and 7500 sq ft) you could be too poor to send your kid to college (and yet still too rich to qualify for any kind of financial aid). Oh, and all those beaches? They're public property. So if I were Steve, I'd be investing in some kind of fencing to keep random assassin's from busting in through his backdoor if I were him.
7. Some random wrap up. Finally, here are a couple of random things that every local knows:
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[1] Yes those are both articles about Japanese war crimes. I'm certain that China and Korea have done similarly nasty things to each other (and Japan) but right now Japan's atrocities against other Asians are the most recent in time. [2]
[2] Unless you count China's ongoing genocide against the Tibetans. But who gives a fuck about them? [3]
[3] Yes. That was a joke. Relax.
[4] My mother, who is 5th-generation Hawaiian born Chinese-American, actually forbade my brother from ever dating a Korean. Why? Because back in the day, the majority of Korean girls worked in bars; and the majority of Korean bar girls were, quite frankly, hookers. And, you know. Korean.
[5] I don't. But that's because I was an introverted and privileged kid who, quite frankly, can't do dialects. Oh, and speaking of Kameknoa, the shave ice (which is not the same thing as a snow cone AT ALL, I really can't emphasize this point enough) is an actual business. It's one of the two most famous shave ice stands on Oahu, the other being Matsumoto's in the North Shore.
[6] Native Hawaiians -- and Native Hawaiian issues -- are incredibly complex and fragmentary. As in, I'd have to write a fucking academic book in order to properly deal with the issues. So I'm just going to not even touch the subject other than to say: most of the issues that you can think of that arise when writing about Native Americans are going to arise when writing about Native Hawaiians. Only, you know, even more so since Hawaii's entire fucking economy is based on the appropriation and exportation/exploitation of the indigenous culture. See? LIke I said. Ten-foot pole.
[7] On directions: nobody who's a local in Hawaii will ever use "north, south, east or west". Period. It's mauka, makai, and Diamond Head or Ewa (pronounced ev-ah). I mean nobody. Not even official announcers/announcements in the airport. Yeah, we roll like that.
[8] Perhaps in a bit of totally unintended irony/foresight/research, the exterior of the H50 headquarters is 'Iolani palace. Aka, the place where the last monarch of Hawaii was held prisoner during the coup.
My credentials for writing this: I was born, raised, and lived in Hawaii for over 20 years. I may not be entirely up on the current cultural developments, but unless things have drastically changed, everything in this rant is a valid assessment of what it means to be local in Hawaii.
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth where there are
comments
1. Hawaii is incredibly racist. No. Really. And the thing is, nobody really gives a crap. Racial jokes are pretty much a thing. Everybody makes them. And, at least in my generation (and I'm approximately of the same generation as the current cast, possibly a little younger), nobody cared; mostly because everybody is some kind of mix (and there's an important point here I'll get to in a minute). As examples of some of the racial tropes in Hawaii: the Chinese are cheap (calling someone a "chang bastard" is the equivalent of calling them a tightwad), the Portuguese are stupid (no, I don't know why), and the Samoans will fuck you up (if someone is a "tita" that means they're a big, nasty, Samoan gangstress). A haole is a white boy, and this phrase can be used to describe a haole who's family goes back to the missionaries, or someone who's fresh from the mainland (which would be what we all call the continental US); it's not -- at least among upper-middle class folk which is where my family fell -- a derogatory phrase. At least, it's not usually meant to be. And -- and if this isn't something to strike fear into the hearts of conservative white America -- haoles are the racial minority in Hawaii. (Asians are the racial plurality.)
That said, there is still an undercurrent of racial tension in Hawaii. Some of this involves accusing people of "trying to be white". A common insult back in my day was to call someone of Asian heritage (which, quite frankly, is most folks in Hawaii) a "banana", meaning "yellow on the outside, white on the inside". Similarly, one of the top schools in Hawaii, Punahou, (you know, the one Barack Obama attended?) is still known as "the rich white kid's school" because of it's history as the school for Hawaii's rich, white, missionary children (more on schools later). So, yes, there is racial tension in Hawaii. There's also blatant racism in the sense of making fun of racial stereotypes. Basically, racism-for-amusement is the norm in Hawaii; but I still wouldn't go making fun of the Samoans, especially if you're a haole boy tourist.
2. Along with the general racism of white vs. non-white, inter-Asian racism is incredibly prevalent. I honestly don't think I can stress this enough, although if you know your Asian history, you're not going to be that surprised[1]. As a quick overview of the racial hierarchy of Asian-Americans (and their racial attitudes, at least in Hawaii), Chinese- and Japanese- Americans consider themselves to be superior to all other Asians -- and by "all other Asians" they generally mean the Koreans and possibly the Vietnamese. If they're feeling generous. [4] Filipinos are technically Asian, but we don't like to admit it, and there really aren't a whole lot of Thai (though there are a lot of Thai restaurants). Everybody else is just "southeast Asian" and they can kind of go fuck themselves so far as the Chinese and Japanese (and, really, the Koreans too) are concerned. Oh, and never call a Taiwanese "Chinese" -- it's guaranteed to piss them off.
That said, because of the mixing pot nature of Hawaii's culture, most folk celebrate/have knowledge of both Japanese and Chinese cultural rituals/events. Chinese New Year is always celebrated, there's taiko drumming lessons, and pretty much everything anywhere a tourist might conceivably go has a sign written in both Japanese and English. Everybody knows their racial makeup (by which I mean you ask a kid "what are you" and they can tell you they're "a quarter Chinese, a quarter Japanese, 1/8 English and 1/8 German". Yes, we really are that accurate about our ethnicities), but there's not a drive (at least not anymore; there probably was back in the grandparent's day) towards maintaining racial purity. That said, I'm really hoping that Daniel Dae Kim's character is supposed to be Chinese/Korean and not straight-up Chinese. 'Cause if he's supposed to be straight-up Chinese then, dude. Racial foul.
2b. As a minor corollary, if you're Chinese (or part Chinese) in Hawaii, and your family's been there a few generations, it's entirely possible that you're related to most of the folk on the island (by which I mean Oahu). Why? Because two generations ago (i.e., the Baby Boomers parents), the Chinese had big families. Like huge. Like, 9 kids kind of big. Which is good for the trope of Kono and Chin being all palsy because, yes, most folk do get together with their extended family, but it's also kind of bad since when you've got 100 first cousins (as my mom does), it's really fucking hard to keep track of them all.
3. Most Hawaiians (and here I mean residents of the state of Hawaii, not Native Hawaiians) can speak pidgin. It's what Kamekona speaks. Sort of. [5] Most people, in my experience, don't speak Hawaiian. At least, no where near as much as Chin does. This is in part because Native Hawaiians have the same struggles and issues with cultural assimilation/destruction as all other indigenous people of the United States. However, it's also in part because doing so, in my opinion, makes you look kind of like a dick. And also raises issues of cultural appropriation which the Native Hawaiians can be incredibly touchy about.[6] That said, yes, most folk do know Native Hawaiian words. There are several in common usage, but the four that would probably show up most often (besides "haole", "mahalo", "aloha", and "hapa" (meaning half and used to describe someone who's half-white; it's always hapa-haole, never hapa-Japanese or hapa-Hawaiian) would be: kama'aina (which is generally used to mean local in the sense of: local discount); keiki (little kid); mauka (towards the mountains -- it's used as a direction. No, really. You tell someone to meet you on the "mauka" side of the building and expect them to be there when you arrive); and makai (towards the ocean; again, a directional term).[7]
Quite frankly, I'd guess more people know Japanese words/phrases than they do Hawaiian ones.
4. In Hawaii, it's more important where you went to high school than where you went to college. Which means if someone asks "What school you go to", they're asking "which High School did you graduate from". This is because there are very deep high school rivalries. That said, if we're talking about private schools (and we are, because quite frankly Hawaii's public schools are shit; this is what comes out of over unionization and the fact that the schools aren't supported by property taxes), there are only 3 big private schools with any sort of academic cred: Punahou (aka, the rich white kids school, aka the school Steve Case of Time Warner fame graduated from, aka, the school that the fucking President of the United States went to), Iolani (aka, the smart Asian kids school -- no, really, that's their rep and they do run things on a kind of Japanese high school line; the kids have to stand when the teacher enters the room), or Kamehama (aka, the school that only accepts Native Hawaiians and had a huge fucking lawsuit about that about a decade ago). Grace Williams does not go to one of these 3. She goes to Sacred Heart Academy, a private, Catholic, all girls school associated with St. Louis High School (which is, actually, the big high school football school in the state). This has two important implications. First, it means either the step-dad is probably not that rich or she's not that smart. Why? Because if Step-Stan was rich enough (and/or Grace was smart enough) she'd be going to Punahou or Iolani, because those are the two schools that will give her the best chance at an Ivy league education. Also the ones with the biggest opportunities/best academic standings, etc., etc. Second implication is that Grace is never going to meet "a boy in her class". All girls school, remember? Also, all girls Catholic school, so Danno could legitimately have conniptions about Catholic School Girl issues.
5. Danno is right about surfing being an incredibly dangerous sport. In the winter months, when everyone's going to the North Shore for the winter swell, waves can reach up to 16 feet. On average. Yeah. That's not a typo. Also, the North swell is far more dangerous/extreme than the milder, summer south swell (which is the swell you'd catch in Waikiki; although really, most self-respecting locals don't go to Waikiki). In addition to just insanely big waves, the North Shore has surf spots where, if you're not careful, you'll surf right into some giant rocks. Yes, you heard me. Rocks. As in: you wipe out, there's a better than even chance you're going to break your back. Summer swells are much better/safer, although you still have the dangers of drowning because your own board has shot up into the air, come back down, and knocked you the fuck out. That said, if Kono is surfing and working at the same time, she's either up at an insane hour (oh, and by the way, Hawaii doesn't do daylight savings) being part of the dawn patrol, or surfing in the late afternoon. And if she's surfing in popular spots (i.e., where noobs/tourists surf), she's got to watch out for swimmers, other surfers, paddlers (in canoes), and wind surfers. Also, surfing is really 90% waiting around for a decent set, 9% doing what can only be described as an insane core workout and 1% actually catching a wave. Of course, catching a wave does kind of make up for all the other bull shit.
6. Hawaii has an incredibly, incredibly complex land ownership system. There are 3 reasons for this fact. First, some of the land belongs to the Native Hawaiians as reparation for the whole "whoops, we started a revolution and usurped your crown/land" thing[8]. None of this land is contiguous, by the way. Oh, and discovery of burial grounds/sacred sites can really fuck up land development. Second, the majority of the rest of the land (which, quite frankly, is like 80% of the total land available) belongs to one of three major trusts created by the descendants of the first missionaries to visit Hawaii. This means you can own your house but not the land underneath your house. Finally, what land isn't owned by the government or the trusts is so prohibitively expensive (and Hawaii's average income is so insanely out of whack with housing prices) that even if you own land valued at over a million dollars (and we're not talking big tracts of land, mind you; we're talking, a lot size of between 5000 and 7500 sq ft) you could be too poor to send your kid to college (and yet still too rich to qualify for any kind of financial aid). Oh, and all those beaches? They're public property. So if I were Steve, I'd be investing in some kind of fencing to keep random assassin's from busting in through his backdoor if I were him.
7. Some random wrap up. Finally, here are a couple of random things that every local knows:
- Never wear shoes in a house. Just, no. Don't do it. Ever. It's the height of bad manners to not take your shoes off at the front door.
- Never call a slipper either a "flip-flop" or a "thong". They're slippers to locals. They're flip-flops to everyone else.
- If it takes more than 7 minutes to get anywhere then it's probably too far away. Yes, that's small island syndrome for you. If you live in town, you can get to most places within 15 minutes. If it takes 30 minutes or longer, it constitutes a long ass drive and a major inconvenience.
- Never drive faster than 60 mph. Mostly because it's, quite frankly, impossible to do so. Hawaii has (if I remember correctly) more cars per capita than any other state; and I'm personally convinced that the city road planner back in the day was actually on LSD when he laid out most of the on/off ramps/highway system. This means major traffic jams on a daily basis. When we have biblical levels of rain, or road closure of any kind, the traffic is even worse. As in: five minutes to move five feet kind of worse.
- Don't be grossed out by: spam, animal organs (tripe is a favorite dish among most locals, as is chicken feet and ox tail soup), or raw fish. Locals (who aren't health conscious) love a good ol' spam musubi.
- Never eat sushi from a conveyor belt.
- Aloha wear (what everyone else calls a Hawaiian shirt) is perfectly acceptable office wear -- and is, in fact, the norm.
- If it slips below 80, it's time to break out the jackets; if it slips below 70, it's time for the long underwear
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[1] Yes those are both articles about Japanese war crimes. I'm certain that China and Korea have done similarly nasty things to each other (and Japan) but right now Japan's atrocities against other Asians are the most recent in time. [2]
[2] Unless you count China's ongoing genocide against the Tibetans. But who gives a fuck about them? [3]
[3] Yes. That was a joke. Relax.
[4] My mother, who is 5th-generation Hawaiian born Chinese-American, actually forbade my brother from ever dating a Korean. Why? Because back in the day, the majority of Korean girls worked in bars; and the majority of Korean bar girls were, quite frankly, hookers. And, you know. Korean.
[5] I don't. But that's because I was an introverted and privileged kid who, quite frankly, can't do dialects. Oh, and speaking of Kameknoa, the shave ice (which is not the same thing as a snow cone AT ALL, I really can't emphasize this point enough) is an actual business. It's one of the two most famous shave ice stands on Oahu, the other being Matsumoto's in the North Shore.
[6] Native Hawaiians -- and Native Hawaiian issues -- are incredibly complex and fragmentary. As in, I'd have to write a fucking academic book in order to properly deal with the issues. So I'm just going to not even touch the subject other than to say: most of the issues that you can think of that arise when writing about Native Americans are going to arise when writing about Native Hawaiians. Only, you know, even more so since Hawaii's entire fucking economy is based on the appropriation and exportation/exploitation of the indigenous culture. See? LIke I said. Ten-foot pole.
[7] On directions: nobody who's a local in Hawaii will ever use "north, south, east or west". Period. It's mauka, makai, and Diamond Head or Ewa (pronounced ev-ah). I mean nobody. Not even official announcers/announcements in the airport. Yeah, we roll like that.
[8] Perhaps in a bit of totally unintended irony/foresight/research, the exterior of the H50 headquarters is 'Iolani palace. Aka, the place where the last monarch of Hawaii was held prisoner during the coup.
My credentials for writing this: I was born, raised, and lived in Hawaii for over 20 years. I may not be entirely up on the current cultural developments, but unless things have drastically changed, everything in this rant is a valid assessment of what it means to be local in Hawaii.
This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth where there are
comments