angst
I'm feeling really lonely tonight, despite the fact that I chilled with Kat and Becky.
And I'm angry because my words have left me and I can't seem to type anything about that loneliness and intimacy that doesn't exist anymore and silence and all of that.
I have sky-high verbal testing skills, I write good essays in my sleep, and tonight I am frustrated as hell because I can't even craft a sad, longing fucking livejournal entry to act as a conspirator in my angst.
I want to hit something (roommate, maybe?). And I want to scream and rail and rant at the past until it doesn't exist for me to want. I want to hurt them for still being in my life but only on a superficial, occasional basis.
It is hard to be me or even to know what that is when I feel like all those real, good, nourishing relationships are dead. New ones take time and I hate waiting.