...and the story continues
Well, I said I would write more later and I am. I wanted to write down some of my thoughts about where my life is going... I'm getting ready to meet a man ... he's flying up from San Diego to see me. I met him thru a group of friends in #seattlechat. It's so odd how I met him. It's completely random...and as I get to know him more and more I'm beginning to think that it wasn't random at all. He and I have so much in common. There's not a single moment that I spend with him chatting on the computer or the phone that we don't discover some "random" thing that connects us even more. There's so many simularities and parallel happenings in our lives, I'm beginning to think that possibly everything that's ever happened to me has lead me up to this one point in my life... just to meet him. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe I need someone else in my life to make it joyous or happy or that I even NEED any relationship. I've told all my friends that I'm NOT looking. When I first met Chris, this wonderful man that I'm just days away from seeing face to face, it began as an amusement that was so delightful that I couldn't resist wanting to talk to him more and more. We enjoy so many of the same things... so many goofy, silly, "non-existant" to most other people, but none the less, something that made him and I smile like a secret understanding. Everyday there are tons of other things that occur that make us smile. As a matter of fact, as I sit here and type, I'm talking to him on the phone and I'm smiling. He won't even know what I'm saying until he reads... I've just added him to my friends, and actually is my only friend added to my live journal. I'm doing this because I want a written record of how I feel and how many times I want to share things that I'm going thru, either as a laughing point for us when we're blissfully married or something for us to look at when we've decided that it's not going to work. Something to remind me of how real these emotions I feel right now are. I believe myself to be in love with him. This is of course not rational because I've not met him face to face. How could you be in love with someone you've never met? I have no idea. But the emotions are strong. They are enough to make me consider moving to be closer to him. I know this, that if I never met him, it would be a great sadness. I want him to be the other half I've always wanted... the best friend I can count on no matter what, the lover I wake up with at 3 in the morning to hold me when I'm cold or when I have a dream that wakes me. I sound like a mush bucket. I am at this point... I wish I could say something that didn't sound so emotional, but I can't. My heart is filled with so much happiness right now. If there is anything that I can say to him or to myself more importantly is that this is an opportunity to be true. An opportunity to see something thru and make something happen that is so significant that it could make me the happiest I've ever been. I want this to work. But more importantly, if it doesn't work out the way we want it to, or on the time schedule that I would prefer to happen on (I don't believe humans can control these things completely) that I want the opportunity to have the truest thing that anyone could have... a very pure relationship filled with love and happiness. Something I've never had before... I hope he knows how much I care.