The Ex-Boyfriend Spidey-Sense
Two nights ago, Sven and I were talking about cars. (Which we do a lot, not gonna lie.) And I mentioned that whenever I see a light blue Opel Astra Stationcar, I catch myself thinking, "oh no, I hope it's not Lars!" Which is ridiculous, because I haven't seen him for 13 years. I'm sure he's changed cars since then. Sven wasn't so sure. And then he started asking about him, stuff like, "does he still live in the same apartment?" (yes) and we spent maybe five minutes googling him, perused his - extremely locked - Facebook page, and then we moved on.
Today, I woke up to a friend request from Lars, the ex-boyfriend I haven't seen or talked to in 13 years.
...!
HOW?? How do they always know when you've been thinking about them, even if it's like, for a split second? I wasn't even thinking about him in a romantic sense, I was recounting to Sven what a trainwreck our relationship was, and how completely wrong we were for each other! And I am fucking married to, and super in love with, the guy I was saying these things to!
I remember this from when I was single. They always knew when to pounce. And no, it wasn't when you were feeling lonely and worthless, nope, it was when you were happy, and doing your thing, and exploring your options, and then *boom* there they were, all "how YOU doin'?" like I was actually missing them, and STILL somehow managing to slightly fuck up my chi. Ugh.
I'm not thrown off my groove by this. I want to make that very clear. I regret nothing about my breakup with Lars, except that it probably should've happened sooner.
And the reason I still flinch when I see a car that looks like the one he drove 13 years ago is that he managed to routinely "run into" me on my pretty set routes to and from my work and my home, and stop the car and come say hello, and we were broken up, and I wanted him to stop, stop, STOP, because it was weird, and creepy.
And the reason our breakup was so awful was because he wouldn't let it go! He kept calling me, and bringing me down when he did. Relationships are hard. Breakups are awful, and he kept pulling me back to that place. And when I finally, FINALLY, got through to him that we were never, ever, ever, getting back together, he got a little huffy and told me that in that case he was gonna need me to pay back the 120$ I owed him. Which were a non-issue as long as we were dating, apparently. (I'd scratched a car while parking, and he said he'd take care of it, because he knew a guy, etc, and I know myself well enough to know that I must have asked what I owed him, and he said it was fine. But as soon as he realized that the relationship was definitively over, he wanted the money back. If anything, that enforced in my mind that my decision was the right one.)
And I know it's not just me: G deals with this bullshit on almost a daily basis, it seems. Whenever she's in a good place, HI, up pops one of the ghosts from her past, and it's even worse for her, because she gets really confused! She thinks they genuinely want to get back together! (They don't. They're just fucking with her. Getting an ego-boost that there's this hot girl who'll drop everything for them, even if they don't call for months or years at a time.)
It happens too regularly to be coincidental, is what I'm trying to say. And I just want to know: HOW DO THEY KNOW? Do they have some kind of creeper spidey sense? Or is it like, once you let someone into your pants, you somehow, cosmically, let them into your head to? Some sort of weird brain wave connection, and if they pop up in your head, you pop up in theirs? Difference being, of course, that us sensible girls stick to anonymously creeping on them online and then let matters lie, whereas these guys simply must reach out somehow?
And now, there he is. Sitting off to the side on my Facebook, friend request pending. Ugh, it's so awkward. If I deny or ignore his request, it looks like I'm carrying some kind of grudge, which I'm not. I just see absolutely no reason why I would want to be friends with my ex-boyfriend on Facebook. I don't want to reconnect. I don't want to know what he's been up to. I don't want to give him access to my information. Why is he even asking this? Is it a "somebody that I used to know"-situation for him?
And look at my goddamn chi, overthinking a stupid Facebook friend request like the moron that I am! WHY must they do this to us? Do they know what this kind of behavior does to us? Why must I always be like, "what does it all meeaann?"
He's a dude. It means nothing. He thought of me, he looked me up, he pressed a button. When I deny it, he'll be like, "huh. rude," and that will be the end of it. Hopefully.
Today, I woke up to a friend request from Lars, the ex-boyfriend I haven't seen or talked to in 13 years.
...!
HOW?? How do they always know when you've been thinking about them, even if it's like, for a split second? I wasn't even thinking about him in a romantic sense, I was recounting to Sven what a trainwreck our relationship was, and how completely wrong we were for each other! And I am fucking married to, and super in love with, the guy I was saying these things to!
I remember this from when I was single. They always knew when to pounce. And no, it wasn't when you were feeling lonely and worthless, nope, it was when you were happy, and doing your thing, and exploring your options, and then *boom* there they were, all "how YOU doin'?" like I was actually missing them, and STILL somehow managing to slightly fuck up my chi. Ugh.
I'm not thrown off my groove by this. I want to make that very clear. I regret nothing about my breakup with Lars, except that it probably should've happened sooner.
And the reason I still flinch when I see a car that looks like the one he drove 13 years ago is that he managed to routinely "run into" me on my pretty set routes to and from my work and my home, and stop the car and come say hello, and we were broken up, and I wanted him to stop, stop, STOP, because it was weird, and creepy.
And the reason our breakup was so awful was because he wouldn't let it go! He kept calling me, and bringing me down when he did. Relationships are hard. Breakups are awful, and he kept pulling me back to that place. And when I finally, FINALLY, got through to him that we were never, ever, ever, getting back together, he got a little huffy and told me that in that case he was gonna need me to pay back the 120$ I owed him. Which were a non-issue as long as we were dating, apparently. (I'd scratched a car while parking, and he said he'd take care of it, because he knew a guy, etc, and I know myself well enough to know that I must have asked what I owed him, and he said it was fine. But as soon as he realized that the relationship was definitively over, he wanted the money back. If anything, that enforced in my mind that my decision was the right one.)
And I know it's not just me: G deals with this bullshit on almost a daily basis, it seems. Whenever she's in a good place, HI, up pops one of the ghosts from her past, and it's even worse for her, because she gets really confused! She thinks they genuinely want to get back together! (They don't. They're just fucking with her. Getting an ego-boost that there's this hot girl who'll drop everything for them, even if they don't call for months or years at a time.)
It happens too regularly to be coincidental, is what I'm trying to say. And I just want to know: HOW DO THEY KNOW? Do they have some kind of creeper spidey sense? Or is it like, once you let someone into your pants, you somehow, cosmically, let them into your head to? Some sort of weird brain wave connection, and if they pop up in your head, you pop up in theirs? Difference being, of course, that us sensible girls stick to anonymously creeping on them online and then let matters lie, whereas these guys simply must reach out somehow?
And now, there he is. Sitting off to the side on my Facebook, friend request pending. Ugh, it's so awkward. If I deny or ignore his request, it looks like I'm carrying some kind of grudge, which I'm not. I just see absolutely no reason why I would want to be friends with my ex-boyfriend on Facebook. I don't want to reconnect. I don't want to know what he's been up to. I don't want to give him access to my information. Why is he even asking this? Is it a "somebody that I used to know"-situation for him?
And look at my goddamn chi, overthinking a stupid Facebook friend request like the moron that I am! WHY must they do this to us? Do they know what this kind of behavior does to us? Why must I always be like, "what does it all meeaann?"
He's a dude. It means nothing. He thought of me, he looked me up, he pressed a button. When I deny it, he'll be like, "huh. rude," and that will be the end of it. Hopefully.