fic: safety first
title: Safety first
characters: Remus/Sirius, Lily
words: 1325
rating: PG-13
note: Something I wrote to get back into the swing of writing for the HP fandom. I was supposed to write this after the James and Sirius prequel (which incidentally you will need to read before reading this) came out, and I did, but then I lost it. But I've rewritten it, and I prefer this version. And if you don't like this version, the original version had to be really crap :| Am I mad for posting fic at 1am? Yes.
Safety first
In the time it took Sirius to drag himself out of bed, Remus had showered, dressed, cleaned their flat, made the bed (with Sirius still in it), watered the plants, read The Daily Prophet from front to back, and completed the weekly food shopping. He was relaxing in the kitchen when he heard the patter of feet. A familiar pair of arms snaked around his waist from behind and a firm body pressed against the back of him.
"Good morrow, mon amour," Sirius practically purred in Remus' ear.
Remus smiled, turned his head and their lips met in a soft kiss. "Morning, sleepyhead." He noticed Sirius "forgot" to put clothes on again. "You should get dressed."
Sirius had never heard anything more ludicrous. "Why the devil for?"
"Because Lily is coming over."
It was always a delight to see Lily... when she wasn't coming over and ruining Sirius' plans to lure Remus back to bed. "When will she be here?"
"Now," Remus said, just as Lily Apparated into the room with a pop. Remus lifted his toast just in time for Sirius to grab the plate beneath it and use it to cover his unmentionables.
"Morning!" Lily said happily to Remus, then her eyes land on the naked man awkwardly holding a plate over his genitals. "I didn't know you were capable of getting it up--I mean, getting up this early, Sirius," she amended, blushing.
"A slip of the tongue, I'm sure," Sirius commented on her blunder, while Remus handed him his dressing gown. "To what do we owe the pleasure, Lily?"
"A little birdie told me you don't wear a helmet when you ride your bike."
"Motorbike. Flying motorbike," Sirius corrected Lily, scowling at the "little birdie" in the room that was Remus Lupin, who was pretending to look busy.
"So, I bought you a present," Lily said, and Sirius hoped his present wasn't a lecture on motorcycle safety.
It wasn't. However, it was two motorbike helmets.
They were hot pink.
"I..." Sirius hesitated. "I really don't know what to say, Lily." No, Sirius did know what he wanted to say. He wanted to say: get the fuck out of my flat. And take your girly helmets with you. "Moony," he looked upon Remus for help, "what do I say?"
"Thank you?" Remus offered, stifling laughter.
"You're welcome," Lily responded cheerfully.
Sirius wanted to ask if she kept the receipt. Instead, he put another question: "Why did you buy me two?"
"One for you," Lily said, pointing at one helmet, "and one for James," she pointed at the other.
Sirius was surprised she didn't engrave the helmets with their initials. "How thoughtful," he said dully.
To Sirius' dismay, Lily took one of the helmets and dumped it on his head, buckling the strap afterwards. Sirius could have been put in a dress and felt more like a man than he did at that moment.
"Doesn't he look adorable, Remus?" Lily cooed.
'Adorable' wasn't quite the word Remus has in mind. He pretended to have a coughing fit so he didn't have to answer Lily and hide his laughter at the same time.
"Anyway, I'll leave you boys to it." Lily elbowed Sirius. "I suppose you'll want to take your bike for a spin and show off your new helmet!"
"You bet," Sirius gritted though his teeth. "Now you hurry along before I steal you away from that lucky, lucky man of yours."
Lily gave him a look that said 'in your dreams', waved her goodbyes and Disapparated with a crack.
When Lily was gone, Sirius looked at Remus with a face like a smacked arse. "She must be really good in bed," he offered the only explanation to why James was with her. "Because she has awful taste. I'm not just talking about the helmets here. She thinks Prongs is sexy for a start."
"You're being ungrateful and mean," Remus said through a mouthful of toast.
"I would rather crack my head open than wear this-" Sirius knocked his knuckles against the helmet "-in public."
"Lily will crack your head open if you don't," Remus warned Sirius. "She's only looking out for your safety, you reckless twit. It's not even that bad."
"It is that bad." Sirius pouted. "Stop trying to make me feel better."
"Oh I'm sorry," Remus deadpanned, "it won't happen again. You look like a moron." The dressing gown didn't help.
"Well, whose fault is that, little birdie," Sirius huffed.
"Don't be absurd. I wasn't the one who gave you the ugly helmets. It's not my fault."
"Yes it is! You snitched on me to mum." 'Mum' being Lily.
"Only because I was concerned that someone who rides a flying motorbike and doesn't wear a helmet must have a death wish."
"But... but helmets are so uncool, Moony!" Sirius said, flapping his arms in distress. Remus sighed deeply at him.
"You're such a child sometimes..."
"A child with wicked ideas," Sirius said, smirking all of a sudden. "I know how you can make it up to me."
Remus didn't feel like he owed Sirius anything to be perfectly honest. Regardless, he watched Sirius disappear to the bedroom and return with a t-shirt in his hand. The t-shirt was emblazoned with a large golden bird. If looks could kill...
"That better not be what I think it is," Remus snarled.
Sirius swung the shirt around his forefinger. "And what, pray tell, do you think it is?"
"I think it's that god-awful shirt you made for the Order which I specifically told you to get rid of because we're part of a secret organization."
"Ten points to Gryffindor," Sirius rewarded Remus. "If I have to wear this," he tapped the pink helmet, "you have to wear this," he held out the shirt.
"No way." Remus stuck his nose up in the air. "Besides, it's not my colour." 'It' being white.
"You think hot pink is mine?"
"It brings out your feminine side," Remus answered bravely, but he could barely finish his sentence as Sirius leaped forward and made a grab for him. Remus did what any macho man would do in that situation...
He ran away. Far, far away. To the land of the... living room. Sirius tackled Remus onto the sofa and flipped him on his back. Straddling Remus' waist, Sirius tried to yank the sweater he was wearing over his head so he could replace it with the t-shirt.
"Sirius!" Remus bawled. "SIRIUS, NO!"
"Moony," Sirius replied calmly. "Moony, yes."
Remus thrashed and wriggled, but it was no use. Sirius tugged Remus' sweater until it came free of his arms and head. Eventually, Remus was left panting half-naked under Sirius, awaiting Sirius' next move. Except Sirius appeared to be thoroughly sidetracked by Remus' bare chest.
"I've forgotten what my objective is," Sirius admitted embarrassedly.
Remus untied the belt of Sirius' dressing gown so it hung open, smirked upwards at him, and suddenly Sirius had a new goal. The Order of the Phoenix t-shirt lay forgotten on the floor.
"Now I remember," Sirius giggled, swooping down to kiss Remus. But he was still wearing his bike helmet, and accidentally head-butted Remus by surprise. Remus whimpered in pain.
"Fuck, are you okay?" Sirius asked. Remus shook his head. "Make up sex?"
That was the most sensible thing Sirius had said all morning. "Quickly, before I pass out," Remus said, clutching his throbbing forehead.
Sirius nosedived to kiss Remus again, but Remus stopped him, reminding Sirius he was still wearing that ridiculous helmet. Remus unbuckled the strap and put the helmet aside, curled his fingers around Sirius' neck and dragged his head down. They kissed, until they fell off the sofa. Then, they mewled from the floor.
"The helmet could have come in handy then," Sirius pointed out. "Are we still having sex?"
"Not now." Remus put on Sirius' stupid phoenix t-shirt because he was cold and curled into Sirius' side. "I have a headache."
characters: Remus/Sirius, Lily
words: 1325
rating: PG-13
note: Something I wrote to get back into the swing of writing for the HP fandom. I was supposed to write this after the James and Sirius prequel (which incidentally you will need to read before reading this) came out, and I did, but then I lost it. But I've rewritten it, and I prefer this version. And if you don't like this version, the original version had to be really crap :| Am I mad for posting fic at 1am? Yes.
Safety first
In the time it took Sirius to drag himself out of bed, Remus had showered, dressed, cleaned their flat, made the bed (with Sirius still in it), watered the plants, read The Daily Prophet from front to back, and completed the weekly food shopping. He was relaxing in the kitchen when he heard the patter of feet. A familiar pair of arms snaked around his waist from behind and a firm body pressed against the back of him.
"Good morrow, mon amour," Sirius practically purred in Remus' ear.
Remus smiled, turned his head and their lips met in a soft kiss. "Morning, sleepyhead." He noticed Sirius "forgot" to put clothes on again. "You should get dressed."
Sirius had never heard anything more ludicrous. "Why the devil for?"
"Because Lily is coming over."
It was always a delight to see Lily... when she wasn't coming over and ruining Sirius' plans to lure Remus back to bed. "When will she be here?"
"Now," Remus said, just as Lily Apparated into the room with a pop. Remus lifted his toast just in time for Sirius to grab the plate beneath it and use it to cover his unmentionables.
"Morning!" Lily said happily to Remus, then her eyes land on the naked man awkwardly holding a plate over his genitals. "I didn't know you were capable of getting it up--I mean, getting up this early, Sirius," she amended, blushing.
"A slip of the tongue, I'm sure," Sirius commented on her blunder, while Remus handed him his dressing gown. "To what do we owe the pleasure, Lily?"
"A little birdie told me you don't wear a helmet when you ride your bike."
"Motorbike. Flying motorbike," Sirius corrected Lily, scowling at the "little birdie" in the room that was Remus Lupin, who was pretending to look busy.
"So, I bought you a present," Lily said, and Sirius hoped his present wasn't a lecture on motorcycle safety.
It wasn't. However, it was two motorbike helmets.
They were hot pink.
"I..." Sirius hesitated. "I really don't know what to say, Lily." No, Sirius did know what he wanted to say. He wanted to say: get the fuck out of my flat. And take your girly helmets with you. "Moony," he looked upon Remus for help, "what do I say?"
"Thank you?" Remus offered, stifling laughter.
"You're welcome," Lily responded cheerfully.
Sirius wanted to ask if she kept the receipt. Instead, he put another question: "Why did you buy me two?"
"One for you," Lily said, pointing at one helmet, "and one for James," she pointed at the other.
Sirius was surprised she didn't engrave the helmets with their initials. "How thoughtful," he said dully.
To Sirius' dismay, Lily took one of the helmets and dumped it on his head, buckling the strap afterwards. Sirius could have been put in a dress and felt more like a man than he did at that moment.
"Doesn't he look adorable, Remus?" Lily cooed.
'Adorable' wasn't quite the word Remus has in mind. He pretended to have a coughing fit so he didn't have to answer Lily and hide his laughter at the same time.
"Anyway, I'll leave you boys to it." Lily elbowed Sirius. "I suppose you'll want to take your bike for a spin and show off your new helmet!"
"You bet," Sirius gritted though his teeth. "Now you hurry along before I steal you away from that lucky, lucky man of yours."
Lily gave him a look that said 'in your dreams', waved her goodbyes and Disapparated with a crack.
When Lily was gone, Sirius looked at Remus with a face like a smacked arse. "She must be really good in bed," he offered the only explanation to why James was with her. "Because she has awful taste. I'm not just talking about the helmets here. She thinks Prongs is sexy for a start."
"You're being ungrateful and mean," Remus said through a mouthful of toast.
"I would rather crack my head open than wear this-" Sirius knocked his knuckles against the helmet "-in public."
"Lily will crack your head open if you don't," Remus warned Sirius. "She's only looking out for your safety, you reckless twit. It's not even that bad."
"It is that bad." Sirius pouted. "Stop trying to make me feel better."
"Oh I'm sorry," Remus deadpanned, "it won't happen again. You look like a moron." The dressing gown didn't help.
"Well, whose fault is that, little birdie," Sirius huffed.
"Don't be absurd. I wasn't the one who gave you the ugly helmets. It's not my fault."
"Yes it is! You snitched on me to mum." 'Mum' being Lily.
"Only because I was concerned that someone who rides a flying motorbike and doesn't wear a helmet must have a death wish."
"But... but helmets are so uncool, Moony!" Sirius said, flapping his arms in distress. Remus sighed deeply at him.
"You're such a child sometimes..."
"A child with wicked ideas," Sirius said, smirking all of a sudden. "I know how you can make it up to me."
Remus didn't feel like he owed Sirius anything to be perfectly honest. Regardless, he watched Sirius disappear to the bedroom and return with a t-shirt in his hand. The t-shirt was emblazoned with a large golden bird. If looks could kill...
"That better not be what I think it is," Remus snarled.
Sirius swung the shirt around his forefinger. "And what, pray tell, do you think it is?"
"I think it's that god-awful shirt you made for the Order which I specifically told you to get rid of because we're part of a secret organization."
"Ten points to Gryffindor," Sirius rewarded Remus. "If I have to wear this," he tapped the pink helmet, "you have to wear this," he held out the shirt.
"No way." Remus stuck his nose up in the air. "Besides, it's not my colour." 'It' being white.
"You think hot pink is mine?"
"It brings out your feminine side," Remus answered bravely, but he could barely finish his sentence as Sirius leaped forward and made a grab for him. Remus did what any macho man would do in that situation...
He ran away. Far, far away. To the land of the... living room. Sirius tackled Remus onto the sofa and flipped him on his back. Straddling Remus' waist, Sirius tried to yank the sweater he was wearing over his head so he could replace it with the t-shirt.
"Sirius!" Remus bawled. "SIRIUS, NO!"
"Moony," Sirius replied calmly. "Moony, yes."
Remus thrashed and wriggled, but it was no use. Sirius tugged Remus' sweater until it came free of his arms and head. Eventually, Remus was left panting half-naked under Sirius, awaiting Sirius' next move. Except Sirius appeared to be thoroughly sidetracked by Remus' bare chest.
"I've forgotten what my objective is," Sirius admitted embarrassedly.
Remus untied the belt of Sirius' dressing gown so it hung open, smirked upwards at him, and suddenly Sirius had a new goal. The Order of the Phoenix t-shirt lay forgotten on the floor.
"Now I remember," Sirius giggled, swooping down to kiss Remus. But he was still wearing his bike helmet, and accidentally head-butted Remus by surprise. Remus whimpered in pain.
"Fuck, are you okay?" Sirius asked. Remus shook his head. "Make up sex?"
That was the most sensible thing Sirius had said all morning. "Quickly, before I pass out," Remus said, clutching his throbbing forehead.
Sirius nosedived to kiss Remus again, but Remus stopped him, reminding Sirius he was still wearing that ridiculous helmet. Remus unbuckled the strap and put the helmet aside, curled his fingers around Sirius' neck and dragged his head down. They kissed, until they fell off the sofa. Then, they mewled from the floor.
"The helmet could have come in handy then," Sirius pointed out. "Are we still having sex?"
"Not now." Remus put on Sirius' stupid phoenix t-shirt because he was cold and curled into Sirius' side. "I have a headache."