fic: This Is No Place For The Ambassador For Wales To Have Sex
title: This Is No Place For The Ambassador For Wales To Have Sex
characters: Jack/Ianto, Gwen
words: 1985
rating: PG
note: Oh geez, I so should NOT be writing fic right now x( I'll deeply appreciate any comments for this fic because I know spending the time I did writing it will bite me on the arse later.
Anyway, Ianto Jones, Ambassador for Wales gets upgraded to first class on a flight home to Cardiff. Spoilers for the Torchwood radio play: Lost Souls. In fact, you'll have to listen to that first to understand this.
This Is No Place For The Ambassador For Wales To Have Sex
"Ambassador?"
Ianto looked up from his lap at the air hostess. She was blushing rather prettily. Out of the corner of Ianto's eye, Jack one seat over was pouting like a two year old. Torchwood were currently on a flight home to Cardiff.
"Yes, sweetheart?" Ianto played along. Gwen giggled beside him, something rather uncharacteristic of the ambassador's wife to do when her husband was blatantly flirting with one of the flight attendants.
"We'd like to upgrade you to first class."
Ianto resisted the urge to gasp. He'd never travelled first class before. Neither had Gwen, from the way her hand was clamped over her gaping mouth. Jack, who'd been glaring out the window, was looking at the flight attendant like he'd been slapped across the face. He was Captain Jack Harkness, leader of Torchwood Three, and he'd never been invited to travel first class. Ianto on the other hand, was thoroughly enjoying being treated like a celebrity.
The flight attendant went on, "But I'm afraid there's only room for one of your friends to join you."
Ah, there was always a catch. Ianto looked between Gwen and Jack as he considered who to choose. Gwen, with her eyes big and round like a puppy's. Or Jack, who just smirked at him.
"Then I'll be taking my wife, of course," Ianto said, standing up. Jack choked violently on his complimentary peanuts. Ianto offered Gwen his arm. "Let's go, darling."
Gwen squealed excitedly, composed herself, then took Ianto's arm. "Sorry, Jack," she mouthed apologetically to the Captain.
As Ianto lead Gwen down the aisle to the first class section of the plane, Ianto glanced back at Jack sitting alone in his row. He was glaring daggers at Ianto, but something in his eyes told him he was more madly in lust with the Welshman rather than just plain mad at him...
Two minutes later Ianto and Gwen were sitting in their new luxury seats. It took them a while to get over the vast amount of legroom since they were so used to the cramped conditions of the Torchwood SUV which was mostly stuffed with gadgets and the occasional dead alien that didn't fit in the boot.
"Gwen?"
She turned to Ianto with a familiar gap-toothed smile. "What is it, hubby?"
"My seat's got a view."
"I'm very pleased for you," Gwen replied in such a dry manner Ianto was proud. "First the bell on your bike, now this. You lucky sod."
Half an hour later Ianto and Gwen were behaving in a way that could only be described as silly after one too many glasses of complimentary champagne.
"Jack's going to kill you for picking me," Gwen said, a little guiltily.
"I had to, you're my wife," Ianto responded with a shrug.
Gwen looked sheepish. "I caught the death glare he gave you..."
A sly smile broke across Ianto's face. "I'll make it up to him later."
Gwen put two and two together. "Say no more," she pleaded, quickly changing the subject. "Why is it that whenever Torchwood goes abroad it's always somewhere bloody cold? The Himalayas were bad enough."
"Darling," Ianto said in his poshest voice, "let's fly to the Bahamas." Gwen burst into giggles as Ianto clinked his glass of bubbly with hers. He tipped his head back and finished the rest of his drink. He was certainly having fun, but something was missing...
Jack.
Ianto stared aimlessly out the window.
"You miss Jack."
No, that wasn't the voice of his subconscious. It was Gwen being a mind reader.
"He's only on the other side of the plane," Gwen teased, then her expression turned serious. "You love him, don't you?"
Ianto grabbed another glass of bubbly from a passing air hostess and brought it quickly to his lips. It took him an age for him to answer, "Who?"
"Who do you think? Your personal assistant," Gwen said cheekily.
Ianto drummed his fingers against his champagne glass and responded with an enigmatic, "Ah."
When it was clear Ianto had nothing else left to say, Gwen went on, "When we were in the tunnel - well, you won't remember - I said you loved coffee. Coffee and Jack. Do you?"
"In that order?"
Gwen knew what he was doing, evading answering. "Ianto," she said warningly in her thick Welsh accent.
Ianto sighed deeply. "Do I love Jack?" he repeated her question, then answered it with his own: "Is the Pope Catholic?"
Gwen beamed. "I knew it," she said with an air of smugness. "I've always been clued in on stuff like this."
"That's why I married you," Ianto replied charmingly. "Now, I'm off to the loo. Be good while I'm gone." He got up from his seat and headed for the toilets.
He quickly found an empty cubicle and took a leak. Not after he shook hands with several passengers who seemed honoured to be flying the same plane as the great Ambassador for Wales. He was just about to leave the toilet when the door slid open and Ianto was pinned against the nearest wall.
"Jack? What are you--"
The Welshman was cut off mid-sentence by Jack throwing his lips against Ianto's. It didn't take long for Ianto to get over the initial shock of his boss bursting in on him in the loo, moaning and grabbing Jack by the lapels of his greatcoat, pulling him closer. Jack's 51st century pheromones seemed even stronger at such high altitudes. Little too late, Ianto remembered Jack had left the door open.
"Were you born in a barn?" Ianto asked breathlessly. "Close the door, you exhibitionist."
Blindly, Jack groped for the door with one hand while he kissed Ianto's throat. When the the door was shut he used the very same hand to grope Ianto.
"How's your pretend wife?" Jack made conversation.
"Never better. Though, between you and me, she thinks I'm having an affair with my personal assistant..."
Jack's hot breath tickled Ianto's ear as he laughed. "You're so gonna pay for leaving me in economy class."
Ianto stared innocently into Jack's eyes. "I had to bring Gwen, she's my wife."
"She's Rhys' wife," Jack corrected him. "You're mine," he said possessively.
"Your wife?" Ianto responded, lifting an eyebrow.
"My Ianto," Jack replied simply. Ianto cupped the nape of Jack's neck in his hands and drew him forward to kiss him tenderly.
"There's nothing wrong with economy class," Ianto murmured against Jack's lips. "It's perfectly adequate."
"There's something very wrong with economy class: you're not there."
Sweet as Jack was being, Ianto saw right through what he was doing. "You're not swapping with Gwen."
Jack grunted. "Fine." He grinned brilliantly all of a sudden. "As your PA, is there anything you need assistance with?" He pressed his hips into Ianto's.
The back of Ianto's head hit the wall with a soft thud as he gasped for air. "This is no place for the Ambassador for Wales to have sex..."
"Hey," Jack said, unbuttoning his waistcoat, "don't knock it until you've tried it."
Ianto laughed richly; that was Jack's motto for everything.
***
"Mrs Jones?"
Gwen looked around confusedly, until she realized something.
"Oh, I'm Mrs Jones!" she laughed, hoping she hadn't given the game away. The air hostess thought nothing of it; it was clear to her Gwen had just had one too many drinks.
"Ma'am," the young girl began with sad eyes, "I thought you had the right to know, because you seem like such a nice woman..."
Anxious to know what this was all about, Gwen sat up straighter and asked, "What is it, sweetheart?"
"I saw your husband go to the toilet," the air hostess confessed quietly.
"Rhys?" Gwen said with a frown. Wait, that was her real husband. The woman was talking about Ianto. "Oh! Okay." She didn't get it. "What's the big deal about my husband going to the loo?"
The young girl took a deep breath and explained awkwardly, "He went to the toilet with another man."
Gwen blinked at her, then slowly covered her face with the palm of her hand. "Oh my God," she muttered under her breath in horror. "On a plane? Couldn't they have at least waited until we landed? Jesus Christ, I can't believe those two..." She looked up and realized the air hostess was staring at her bewilderedly.
"I mean..." Gwen grabbed a tissue and dabbed her eyes with it, putting on her best crying voice. "I'm s-so upset! B-but thank you for t-telling me..."
***
The door of the cubicle slid open and out popped Captain Jack Harkness looking breezy as ever. He winked into the cubicle and shut the door behind him. Stuffing his hands into his pockets and whistling merrily, he strolled back to his seat in economy class. A minute later, the door opened again, but this time with a clatter as Ianto Jones almost fell out of the toilet. He looked deliciously dishevelled and unsteady on his feet with his tie unusually askew. He tried to remember which direction it was to get back to first class and walked uncertainly back to his seat, buttoning his jacket back up on the way.
"Hi," Ianto greeted Gwen finally, sitting back down.
"Sorry," Gwen whispered, then slapped him across the face - but it was gentler than it looked.
Ianto clutched his cheek and looked at Gwen like she'd gone mad. "What was that for?" he hissed.
"The air hostess over there," Gwen murmured, gesturing to the lady glaring at Ianto from a distance, "saw you and Jack go to the loo together." Ianto blushed from head to toe in the space of a second. "I had to pretend I was distraught."
"Was slapping me really necessary?"
"No, I'm sorry," Gwen apologized, patting Ianto's arm. "It always looks like fun on soap operas. Anyway, what were you doing with Jack?"
The same thing they were doing when Gwen walked in on them in the hothouse that one time.
"Talking," Ianto lied.
"Your fly's undone," Gwen said. "And your shirt's inside out."
"A bit more than talking, then," Ianto admitted embarrassedly.
"Are you two trying to break the world record for having the most sex in public places?"
"I think we broke that record last month, actually--"
"Ambassador?"
It was the hostess again. The one that looked like she wanted to rip Ianto's balls off on behalf of all women everywhere who'd been cheated on by their husbands.
"You've been downgraded to economy class."
Downgraded? Had anyone ever been downgraded? Ianto didn't think they could even do that...
"But your wife can stay," the woman added, smiling at Gwen.
Gwen didn't think staying alone in first class would be much fun. "Er, that's okay, I go wherever my husband goes..."
Two minutes later Ianto and Gwen were sitting back in their old standard seats. Jack was sat between them with his arms around their shoulders.
"The three amigos back together again," Jack sighed happily.
"You mean the amiga and the two horny amigos that are constantly at it like rabbits," Gwen muttered.
There was a moment of silence, until Ianto announced aloud, to nobody in particular, "I think I need the loo again," rushing off to the toilet.
"Me too," Jack said soon after. He strode down the aisle after Ianto, his greatcoat billowing in his haste.
Gwen rolled her eyes and decided to get some shut-eye. When she awoke a while later, Jack and Ianto were back in their seats, sound asleep. Ianto's cheek was leant against Jack's shoulder, while Jack's lips met Ianto's forehead. Gwen smiled at her boys - they were men really, but she liked calling them "her boys" - and fell back to sleep with a genuine smile on her face for the first time since Owen and Tosh died.
characters: Jack/Ianto, Gwen
words: 1985
rating: PG
note: Oh geez, I so should NOT be writing fic right now x( I'll deeply appreciate any comments for this fic because I know spending the time I did writing it will bite me on the arse later.
Anyway, Ianto Jones, Ambassador for Wales gets upgraded to first class on a flight home to Cardiff. Spoilers for the Torchwood radio play: Lost Souls. In fact, you'll have to listen to that first to understand this.
This Is No Place For The Ambassador For Wales To Have Sex
"Ambassador?"
Ianto looked up from his lap at the air hostess. She was blushing rather prettily. Out of the corner of Ianto's eye, Jack one seat over was pouting like a two year old. Torchwood were currently on a flight home to Cardiff.
"Yes, sweetheart?" Ianto played along. Gwen giggled beside him, something rather uncharacteristic of the ambassador's wife to do when her husband was blatantly flirting with one of the flight attendants.
"We'd like to upgrade you to first class."
Ianto resisted the urge to gasp. He'd never travelled first class before. Neither had Gwen, from the way her hand was clamped over her gaping mouth. Jack, who'd been glaring out the window, was looking at the flight attendant like he'd been slapped across the face. He was Captain Jack Harkness, leader of Torchwood Three, and he'd never been invited to travel first class. Ianto on the other hand, was thoroughly enjoying being treated like a celebrity.
The flight attendant went on, "But I'm afraid there's only room for one of your friends to join you."
Ah, there was always a catch. Ianto looked between Gwen and Jack as he considered who to choose. Gwen, with her eyes big and round like a puppy's. Or Jack, who just smirked at him.
"Then I'll be taking my wife, of course," Ianto said, standing up. Jack choked violently on his complimentary peanuts. Ianto offered Gwen his arm. "Let's go, darling."
Gwen squealed excitedly, composed herself, then took Ianto's arm. "Sorry, Jack," she mouthed apologetically to the Captain.
As Ianto lead Gwen down the aisle to the first class section of the plane, Ianto glanced back at Jack sitting alone in his row. He was glaring daggers at Ianto, but something in his eyes told him he was more madly in lust with the Welshman rather than just plain mad at him...
Two minutes later Ianto and Gwen were sitting in their new luxury seats. It took them a while to get over the vast amount of legroom since they were so used to the cramped conditions of the Torchwood SUV which was mostly stuffed with gadgets and the occasional dead alien that didn't fit in the boot.
"Gwen?"
She turned to Ianto with a familiar gap-toothed smile. "What is it, hubby?"
"My seat's got a view."
"I'm very pleased for you," Gwen replied in such a dry manner Ianto was proud. "First the bell on your bike, now this. You lucky sod."
Half an hour later Ianto and Gwen were behaving in a way that could only be described as silly after one too many glasses of complimentary champagne.
"Jack's going to kill you for picking me," Gwen said, a little guiltily.
"I had to, you're my wife," Ianto responded with a shrug.
Gwen looked sheepish. "I caught the death glare he gave you..."
A sly smile broke across Ianto's face. "I'll make it up to him later."
Gwen put two and two together. "Say no more," she pleaded, quickly changing the subject. "Why is it that whenever Torchwood goes abroad it's always somewhere bloody cold? The Himalayas were bad enough."
"Darling," Ianto said in his poshest voice, "let's fly to the Bahamas." Gwen burst into giggles as Ianto clinked his glass of bubbly with hers. He tipped his head back and finished the rest of his drink. He was certainly having fun, but something was missing...
Jack.
Ianto stared aimlessly out the window.
"You miss Jack."
No, that wasn't the voice of his subconscious. It was Gwen being a mind reader.
"He's only on the other side of the plane," Gwen teased, then her expression turned serious. "You love him, don't you?"
Ianto grabbed another glass of bubbly from a passing air hostess and brought it quickly to his lips. It took him an age for him to answer, "Who?"
"Who do you think? Your personal assistant," Gwen said cheekily.
Ianto drummed his fingers against his champagne glass and responded with an enigmatic, "Ah."
When it was clear Ianto had nothing else left to say, Gwen went on, "When we were in the tunnel - well, you won't remember - I said you loved coffee. Coffee and Jack. Do you?"
"In that order?"
Gwen knew what he was doing, evading answering. "Ianto," she said warningly in her thick Welsh accent.
Ianto sighed deeply. "Do I love Jack?" he repeated her question, then answered it with his own: "Is the Pope Catholic?"
Gwen beamed. "I knew it," she said with an air of smugness. "I've always been clued in on stuff like this."
"That's why I married you," Ianto replied charmingly. "Now, I'm off to the loo. Be good while I'm gone." He got up from his seat and headed for the toilets.
He quickly found an empty cubicle and took a leak. Not after he shook hands with several passengers who seemed honoured to be flying the same plane as the great Ambassador for Wales. He was just about to leave the toilet when the door slid open and Ianto was pinned against the nearest wall.
"Jack? What are you--"
The Welshman was cut off mid-sentence by Jack throwing his lips against Ianto's. It didn't take long for Ianto to get over the initial shock of his boss bursting in on him in the loo, moaning and grabbing Jack by the lapels of his greatcoat, pulling him closer. Jack's 51st century pheromones seemed even stronger at such high altitudes. Little too late, Ianto remembered Jack had left the door open.
"Were you born in a barn?" Ianto asked breathlessly. "Close the door, you exhibitionist."
Blindly, Jack groped for the door with one hand while he kissed Ianto's throat. When the the door was shut he used the very same hand to grope Ianto.
"How's your pretend wife?" Jack made conversation.
"Never better. Though, between you and me, she thinks I'm having an affair with my personal assistant..."
Jack's hot breath tickled Ianto's ear as he laughed. "You're so gonna pay for leaving me in economy class."
Ianto stared innocently into Jack's eyes. "I had to bring Gwen, she's my wife."
"She's Rhys' wife," Jack corrected him. "You're mine," he said possessively.
"Your wife?" Ianto responded, lifting an eyebrow.
"My Ianto," Jack replied simply. Ianto cupped the nape of Jack's neck in his hands and drew him forward to kiss him tenderly.
"There's nothing wrong with economy class," Ianto murmured against Jack's lips. "It's perfectly adequate."
"There's something very wrong with economy class: you're not there."
Sweet as Jack was being, Ianto saw right through what he was doing. "You're not swapping with Gwen."
Jack grunted. "Fine." He grinned brilliantly all of a sudden. "As your PA, is there anything you need assistance with?" He pressed his hips into Ianto's.
The back of Ianto's head hit the wall with a soft thud as he gasped for air. "This is no place for the Ambassador for Wales to have sex..."
"Hey," Jack said, unbuttoning his waistcoat, "don't knock it until you've tried it."
Ianto laughed richly; that was Jack's motto for everything.
***
"Mrs Jones?"
Gwen looked around confusedly, until she realized something.
"Oh, I'm Mrs Jones!" she laughed, hoping she hadn't given the game away. The air hostess thought nothing of it; it was clear to her Gwen had just had one too many drinks.
"Ma'am," the young girl began with sad eyes, "I thought you had the right to know, because you seem like such a nice woman..."
Anxious to know what this was all about, Gwen sat up straighter and asked, "What is it, sweetheart?"
"I saw your husband go to the toilet," the air hostess confessed quietly.
"Rhys?" Gwen said with a frown. Wait, that was her real husband. The woman was talking about Ianto. "Oh! Okay." She didn't get it. "What's the big deal about my husband going to the loo?"
The young girl took a deep breath and explained awkwardly, "He went to the toilet with another man."
Gwen blinked at her, then slowly covered her face with the palm of her hand. "Oh my God," she muttered under her breath in horror. "On a plane? Couldn't they have at least waited until we landed? Jesus Christ, I can't believe those two..." She looked up and realized the air hostess was staring at her bewilderedly.
"I mean..." Gwen grabbed a tissue and dabbed her eyes with it, putting on her best crying voice. "I'm s-so upset! B-but thank you for t-telling me..."
***
The door of the cubicle slid open and out popped Captain Jack Harkness looking breezy as ever. He winked into the cubicle and shut the door behind him. Stuffing his hands into his pockets and whistling merrily, he strolled back to his seat in economy class. A minute later, the door opened again, but this time with a clatter as Ianto Jones almost fell out of the toilet. He looked deliciously dishevelled and unsteady on his feet with his tie unusually askew. He tried to remember which direction it was to get back to first class and walked uncertainly back to his seat, buttoning his jacket back up on the way.
"Hi," Ianto greeted Gwen finally, sitting back down.
"Sorry," Gwen whispered, then slapped him across the face - but it was gentler than it looked.
Ianto clutched his cheek and looked at Gwen like she'd gone mad. "What was that for?" he hissed.
"The air hostess over there," Gwen murmured, gesturing to the lady glaring at Ianto from a distance, "saw you and Jack go to the loo together." Ianto blushed from head to toe in the space of a second. "I had to pretend I was distraught."
"Was slapping me really necessary?"
"No, I'm sorry," Gwen apologized, patting Ianto's arm. "It always looks like fun on soap operas. Anyway, what were you doing with Jack?"
The same thing they were doing when Gwen walked in on them in the hothouse that one time.
"Talking," Ianto lied.
"Your fly's undone," Gwen said. "And your shirt's inside out."
"A bit more than talking, then," Ianto admitted embarrassedly.
"Are you two trying to break the world record for having the most sex in public places?"
"I think we broke that record last month, actually--"
"Ambassador?"
It was the hostess again. The one that looked like she wanted to rip Ianto's balls off on behalf of all women everywhere who'd been cheated on by their husbands.
"You've been downgraded to economy class."
Downgraded? Had anyone ever been downgraded? Ianto didn't think they could even do that...
"But your wife can stay," the woman added, smiling at Gwen.
Gwen didn't think staying alone in first class would be much fun. "Er, that's okay, I go wherever my husband goes..."
Two minutes later Ianto and Gwen were sitting back in their old standard seats. Jack was sat between them with his arms around their shoulders.
"The three amigos back together again," Jack sighed happily.
"You mean the amiga and the two horny amigos that are constantly at it like rabbits," Gwen muttered.
There was a moment of silence, until Ianto announced aloud, to nobody in particular, "I think I need the loo again," rushing off to the toilet.
"Me too," Jack said soon after. He strode down the aisle after Ianto, his greatcoat billowing in his haste.
Gwen rolled her eyes and decided to get some shut-eye. When she awoke a while later, Jack and Ianto were back in their seats, sound asleep. Ianto's cheek was leant against Jack's shoulder, while Jack's lips met Ianto's forehead. Gwen smiled at her boys - they were men really, but she liked calling them "her boys" - and fell back to sleep with a genuine smile on her face for the first time since Owen and Tosh died.