Us
I'm finding myself less motivated to keep up with my projects or journal or just creativity in general. I think its just because I cant find a center in my relationships. I havn't been able to find the peace to just sit in my room by myself with my own thoughts because my thoughts scare the shit out of me. They worry me. They make me angry.
I'm struggling between my fear/anger and my desire to be someone desireable.
Last night I hung out with a group of friends who are each in brand new relationships and none of them could keep their hands off of eachother. Kissing every two minutes, can't go a second without touching, "I love you" every other sentence, and still clever conversation. I wanted to feel happy for them, but it just started to make me feel rather sick t my stomach. I remember when we used to be that way.
We were so in love and he couldn't keep himself away. He couln't get enough of me. And then eventually I was fighting for that back, but all it did was make me less desireable. And ultimately, he sought somehting else.
What canI do to make myself as desireable as when you first laid eyes? Make myself a mystery again worth finding out.
I compramised
I lost friends
Somewhere in the confusion, I lost you
I lost the stability that used to be in his arms because now it doesn't always feel safe
I want the old us back
The us the used to stand like strong towers
When life tasted so sweet
We drank from its cup
And every night I lay my head down on a soft pillow and just sigh,
Sinking into my happiness with you
Why can't it all stay the same?
Why cant my heart stop hurting and lead me back to the same place.
The place on the beach where magic happend.
We sat on a blanket, eating together, as our love just natuarally and unexpectedly unfolded itself with our laughter
When I had felt like a treasure and you had found me so irreplacable