Blurgh
As I sit here on the borrowed internet from next door wondering certain deeply important concepts of life's existence such as why lilacs smell so good, why is it still raining. why is getting rid of my sofa on freecycle could be such a drama and why is my partner such a grumpy non-understanding bastard sometimes? The answers are, really, who cares? That I just need to let it all flow around me and ignore the hooks which are threatening to snag me up in emotion and to overwhelm me. Intellectually I know this, emotionally I think I get caught up in the drama of it all and then I watch myself from afar and think, 'who the fuck IS this neurotic person from outer space who has overtaken my life'. She keeps appearing and I recognise her, she is the fragile vulnerable one, somewhat like my posh ancient porcelain cups that if you breathe on too heavily crack. Moving house has thinned my porcelain a little too much. I cracked a bit last night. Unfortunately the RS , being uber-exhausted was at cracking point too and result: stupid arguement where he got shouty and I got even more cryey and now he's worried about my mental health and I'm worried about his anger and the fact he appears to have arthritis.
But, all things pass. This morning after not getting angry about the fact he'd cracked into my 12 year old dessert wine that I had been saving for something (god knows what, but it's the principle of the thing now isn't it?). But really, it's a small thing, let it go tigress it's really not important. (notice my stream of consciousness mind here). I went for a walk around Dartington and naughtily absconded with some lilacs and wildflowers and then went to give the hypno-birthing woman the money for the course, it appears she has the aura of calm around her, which seems to have broken the spell and I feel less jagged than I did before. Sheesh.
The new house is lovely, I will post some pics when I get there. I need to sort out the garden which I will begin tomorrow. Today I tackle getting the phone and under the stairs sorted. and going to knitting and having a good bitch and consolation session. I also want to find the sewing machine, hopefully which is under the stairs. It almost feels like home but there is still boxes everywhere. But at least we can get to the sofas now... x
But, all things pass. This morning after not getting angry about the fact he'd cracked into my 12 year old dessert wine that I had been saving for something (god knows what, but it's the principle of the thing now isn't it?). But really, it's a small thing, let it go tigress it's really not important. (notice my stream of consciousness mind here). I went for a walk around Dartington and naughtily absconded with some lilacs and wildflowers and then went to give the hypno-birthing woman the money for the course, it appears she has the aura of calm around her, which seems to have broken the spell and I feel less jagged than I did before. Sheesh.
The new house is lovely, I will post some pics when I get there. I need to sort out the garden which I will begin tomorrow. Today I tackle getting the phone and under the stairs sorted. and going to knitting and having a good bitch and consolation session. I also want to find the sewing machine, hopefully which is under the stairs. It almost feels like home but there is still boxes everywhere. But at least we can get to the sofas now... x