The changing market: A sketch
Related to my last post, but more generally directed at electronic gaming enthusiasts who just can't accept change.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - LATE AFTERNOON
An ordinary convenience store. A little dusty, but perfectly adequate.
CALVIN CONSUMER storms up to the counter where ROBBIE RETAILER is busily restocking the snack bins by the cash register. Calvin is visibly outraged, his face a mask of fury. Robbie flinches a little as Calvin approaches- will this man hit him?
CALVIN
(almost shouting)
You are exploiting me!
ROBBIE
(beat)
... what?
CALVIN
Snickers Bars now cost eighty-five cents each! They used to cost fifty cents!
ROBBIE
I don't-
CALVIN
(talking over him)
And six-packs of Coke cost three dollars! I used to be able to get a two-liter for a buck! What do you think you're trying to pull?
ROBBIE
But-
CALVIN
(growing a bit more collected as he settles into the rant; he's obviously been through this spiel before)
I know it's just a cheap trick to milk me for more money! You'd rather sell me six eight-ounce cans for fifty cents each than a two-liter for just a dollar! You can't do this to me! I've been shopping here for years. I bought things at this convenience store practically before anybody else did. Now you're just exploiting your customer base.
A few seconds pass. Calvin fidgets a bit, his rant spent.
CALVIN (CONT'D)
(quietly angry, almost muttering)
I'm on to you.
ROBBIE
(conciliatory)
Sir, I'm sorry you don't like our prices. I wish I could help; seems everything is more expensive these days, and I feel it too. But I don't set our prices. Corp HQ does that, probably based on whatever some egghead says. I know chocolate bars used to be cheaper, but I guess a dollar doesn't buy what it used to. And as to Coke... I guess maybe sales were higher with single cans and six-packs? We do still have two-liter bottles, but they're two-fifty now. They're over on the third aisle, opposite the coolers.
CALVIN
(spurred to fresh rage; finally, somebody's arguing with him!)
None of that matters! You're taking advantage of me, even though I've been a customer for years! Maybe you can exploit your blind idiot obsessive customers who think you can do no wrong, but I won't stand for it! I used to shop here ALL THE TIME! Now I'll never come back again! I'll take my business elsewhere! We'll see who's so goddamn smug when you go out of business, and I've got all the cheap Coke two-liters and fifty-cent candy bars I want! In fact, when other convenience stores see you go out of business because of your greed and cheap tricks, they'll probably start giving me soda for ten cents and candy bars for FREE!
Calvin triumphantly stomps out the door.
ROBBIE
(resigned)
Asshole.
Robbie goes back to stocking the bins.
CUT TO:
EXT. FRONT A DIFFERENT CONVENIENCE STORE, JUST DOWN THE STREET
Robbie stomps in. A few seconds later, slightly muffled shouting can be heard from inside:
ROBBIE (v.o.)
Hey! Your Snickers Bars are seventy-five cents each! And your Coke sixpacks are three-fifty! What the Hell do you think you're trying to pull? You're just trying to milk your customers for more money! I won't stand for it! I demand fifty-cent chocolate bars, and two-liters for a buck! I'm on to you! Who do you think you...
FADEOUT
(All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real BioWare forum fanwankers, living or dead, is purely coincidental.)
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - LATE AFTERNOON
An ordinary convenience store. A little dusty, but perfectly adequate.
CALVIN CONSUMER storms up to the counter where ROBBIE RETAILER is busily restocking the snack bins by the cash register. Calvin is visibly outraged, his face a mask of fury. Robbie flinches a little as Calvin approaches- will this man hit him?
CALVIN
(almost shouting)
You are exploiting me!
ROBBIE
(beat)
... what?
CALVIN
Snickers Bars now cost eighty-five cents each! They used to cost fifty cents!
ROBBIE
I don't-
CALVIN
(talking over him)
And six-packs of Coke cost three dollars! I used to be able to get a two-liter for a buck! What do you think you're trying to pull?
ROBBIE
But-
CALVIN
(growing a bit more collected as he settles into the rant; he's obviously been through this spiel before)
I know it's just a cheap trick to milk me for more money! You'd rather sell me six eight-ounce cans for fifty cents each than a two-liter for just a dollar! You can't do this to me! I've been shopping here for years. I bought things at this convenience store practically before anybody else did. Now you're just exploiting your customer base.
A few seconds pass. Calvin fidgets a bit, his rant spent.
CALVIN (CONT'D)
(quietly angry, almost muttering)
I'm on to you.
ROBBIE
(conciliatory)
Sir, I'm sorry you don't like our prices. I wish I could help; seems everything is more expensive these days, and I feel it too. But I don't set our prices. Corp HQ does that, probably based on whatever some egghead says. I know chocolate bars used to be cheaper, but I guess a dollar doesn't buy what it used to. And as to Coke... I guess maybe sales were higher with single cans and six-packs? We do still have two-liter bottles, but they're two-fifty now. They're over on the third aisle, opposite the coolers.
CALVIN
(spurred to fresh rage; finally, somebody's arguing with him!)
None of that matters! You're taking advantage of me, even though I've been a customer for years! Maybe you can exploit your blind idiot obsessive customers who think you can do no wrong, but I won't stand for it! I used to shop here ALL THE TIME! Now I'll never come back again! I'll take my business elsewhere! We'll see who's so goddamn smug when you go out of business, and I've got all the cheap Coke two-liters and fifty-cent candy bars I want! In fact, when other convenience stores see you go out of business because of your greed and cheap tricks, they'll probably start giving me soda for ten cents and candy bars for FREE!
Calvin triumphantly stomps out the door.
ROBBIE
(resigned)
Asshole.
Robbie goes back to stocking the bins.
CUT TO:
EXT. FRONT A DIFFERENT CONVENIENCE STORE, JUST DOWN THE STREET
Robbie stomps in. A few seconds later, slightly muffled shouting can be heard from inside:
ROBBIE (v.o.)
Hey! Your Snickers Bars are seventy-five cents each! And your Coke sixpacks are three-fifty! What the Hell do you think you're trying to pull? You're just trying to milk your customers for more money! I won't stand for it! I demand fifty-cent chocolate bars, and two-liters for a buck! I'm on to you! Who do you think you...
FADEOUT
(All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real BioWare forum fanwankers, living or dead, is purely coincidental.)