Life as a Hostage: Day 2

[thisislexluthor]

Superman is out destroying the governments of small nations or something equally dickish. I am being held hostage in the Fortress of Solitude and the bastard isn't even closing the doors after he leaves. I hate the Arctic. I also hate the fucking Inuit people who are too afraid to come up to the alien fortress and help me. I tried walking out of it

Comments

[harvey_twoface]

...I didn't actually understand most of this post. Are you drunk, Lex?

[thisislexluthor]

No, you ass, Superman is evil now. And holding me hostage. PAY ATTENTION!

[harvey_twoface]

Oh...

Is there anything I can do to help?

[thisislexluthor]

Can you fight aliens?

[harvey_twoface]

...No. But I have contacts in the Pentagon. You want me to make a few calls?

[thisislexluthor]

What the hell is the Pentagon going to do? He's Superman. HE SHOOTS LASERS OUT OF HIS EYES.

[harvey_twoface]

I...don't know. Um... God, Lex, you're the genius here. What do I do?

[thisislexluthor]

I have no idea. I'm going to think of something. In the meantime, I'd advise laying low. Superman gets violent when I mention other people I've slept with.

[harvey_twoface]

...But we didn't sleep together. I mean, sure, it was my body, but it was Superman in it, so I hardly think he can blame me for that.

[thisislexluthor]

You would be surprised.