Life as a Hostage: Day 2
Superman is out destroying the governments of small nations or something equally dickish. I am being held hostage in the Fortress of Solitude and the bastard isn't even closing the doors after he leaves. I hate the Arctic. I also hate the fucking Inuit people who are too afraid to come up to the alien fortress and help me. I tried walking out of it today and got about three feet before I decided not to be an idiot.
I still don't have any clothes.
I hate Superman's AI father almost as much as I hate him.
I am sore.
I AM SO BORED.
Summary of my day:
Number of times I have beaten Solitaire: 24
Number of times I have beaten Mah Jong: 35
Number of times I have attempted to set this place on fire, just because I could: 5
Number of times I have beaten Minesweeper, all three difficulties: 107
Number of times I have threatened to disassemble Jor-El, world's most annoying AI, if he does not help me: 14. HEY! TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON! Thank you. Maybe you can get around to stopping Superman before he kills me or the world.
Number of times I have been forced to have sex with Superman: 15
Number of times I have pondered the pros and cons of actually making myself into Kryptonite, somehow: 43
Number of miscellaneous bags of Reese's Pieces I have found lying around here: 34
Number of porn sites Jor-El blocks: All of them. Except for the tentacle porn, which I do not want an explanation for.
Number of weapons I have managed to create out of the miscellaneous crap lying around here: 158
Number of weapons Superman has destroyed: 158
Number of times I have attempted to hack the Fortress computers: 213
Number of times Jor-El has used some kind of force-field to smack me into another room: 212....OW! Bastard. 213.
There is a bright spot, however. Bottles of alcohol in what appears to be, no joke, a wine cellar: 125.