all these THINGs that i've done.
153 lbs.
Last time I weighed myself, anyhow. >.o
I just drank a bunch of diet coke, so I don't want to jump on the scale just yet.
The waterweight may make me cry. ;-;
I LOVE COOKING;
I really do. I love the Food Network, not because of the food.
Just because I don't know... Cooking is very satisfying, in some aspects, for me, at least.
I cooked lunch for my family today.
PASTA + LOVELYPARFAITTYPETING = HAPPY.
I'm not going into too much detail, for that would be blasphemic, but
BUT
I WOULD LIKE TO SAY HOW HAPPY I AM
I didn't have one bite. =)
Self-control is getting easier now. I've been sticking to my plan.
Yesterday, my fourth day of this plan, I had 85 calories.
(a 15 cal. sugarfree popsicle and bowl of chicken soup)
Today = water, diet coke, orange juice.
I'm known for not having self-control.
I have this friend, he's really sweet and adorable and everything
but he always gets on me about my habits.
I feel like I can talk to him about anything, but he worries so much...
My smoking, eating/noteating, drinking, cutting...
I tried to quit, just for him, but I can't...
This is sort of my way of self-control.
I can't explain it, it sounds ridiculous when I try; but all these things I'm doing are to make myself a better person. I've quit getting wasted and drinking, all the other things just stop me from losing my mind. I haven't told many people this, but sometimes I see things.
i'm not crazy.
sometimes i see these figures or thin girls in my bathroom and they are Ana and Mia but i know they're not there i know but nevertheless i talk to them and they talk to me. sometimes in my room i see people trying to kill me, trying to hurt me, yelling at me and grabbing at me, skeletons and zombie-like faces, crouched over and people hanging from my ceiling.
sometimes i cry and they go away.
sometimes they don't.