New holiday proposal
We all know what a useless holiday Valentines Day is. I mean, you are supposed to show each other love and affection every day, and not just on days that make retailers happy. So I'd like to propose an equally useless, but far more important day: International Caffeine Day! Few of you reading this could survive a week without caffeine, so why not a special day in the year where we can buy each other fancy coffees, keep-awake pills, 24-packs of caffeinated soft drinks and energy drinks, concentrated tonics and the like. It would likely spawn all kinds of new trends and make caffeinated candy bars and quick-fixers far more common. I mean, it could just save the world! (No more falling asleep in front of those all-important red doomsday buttons, and maybe if Bush had been given more caffeine we'd now have fewer Bushizms and no war in Iraq.) And yes, it would be a useless day really, because we would all still worship at the altar of caffeine every day, and many times a day, but for those of us who have neglected our duties to caffeine, the day would serve as a vital reminder of what is important in this world. Thank you for your consideration.