looking for a reason.

[thewrldwilclash]

i dont really know. i guess i never do. i dont know why i think about it so much. like why? the facts were layed out right in front of me. i accepted it. but i dont know why i cant get over the fact. it hurts. i dont know why i brought that with me. cause at one point it made me happier than anything. and i believed everything. i became vulnerable. and i believed it. but i'm not about to unwrap and take off the bubble wrap and stare everyday. stare at a lie. i cant bring myself to. but i still manange to think about everything a lot. and i really do not know why. it's easy to think about a lot here, in my quiet single room. sitting. staring. i think a lot. not even an attempt? please don't be rude. so many overlapping and blah. i dont know. looking back at my senior year is hard to do. as much as i view it as the most fun i have had with so many amazing people.. there are so many hellish aspects of it. and sometimes i think what if i would have done this. why didnt i do this? its so stupid. yet i find myself doing it. a lot. too damn much.

i know im not making sense to you. and maybe that's what i wanted. or something.
not to make sense. i don't know anymore. it's so weird what you think of when you are all on your own.

im on my own.

and i like it.

but i still feel like im not doing enough, or things up to my potential. i dont know. it's so weird.
i feel like im on some random vacation by myself. traveling.
who knows.