i hate the let down days.
i've been thinking a lot lately. and i don't know why certain things come to my mind. like, why think about that? or remember that? or think what if i did this instead? i dont know why i've been doing that a lot. maybe im just looking for a reason. but i shouldnt be. its not me who should be. whatever. i dunno. fuck all that. i dont know why i think a lot. walking to the bustops, library, class...i try to zone out my thoughts with my music now. i never really understood why so many people cannot walk anywhere with their headphones in their ears, but i guess im sort of becoming like that. who knows. i didnt want to be. i didnt want a lot of things. and it just causes me to think. akdlajfkl.
college is setting in. and im scared. i dont want to mess anything up. and i wish i could find something that i could be a part of that i loved or was really excited about. but i havent found it. and im not busy enough. and its creepy kinda. its different, a change of pace, but i feel like it's not enough. everything i do is never enough. i dont know.
steph.
it's true ive been counting down on my white board for twenty some days until your arrival. but its gonna have to be ok that it changed. im sorry things happened the way they did. and i wish some days i could just take you out of your house, put you on a campus far away, cause i know you would be completely fine on your own. and i just want you to be happy and not hate everything. whenever it happens it happens, i just hope its not much longer. because well, you know that we need to see each other. im trying not to be upset, but you know i am. so it'll be amazing when you make it up here. and im sorry its such a hassle to come see me. it's hard trying to come home too. i dunno. just. stay positive. things will turn around for you. im crossing my fingers.
brian.
i hope you can find out what exactly you want to do or major in. i know it can be so freaking tough finding out exactly what you want, what to do about it, etc. and i dont want you to take your college stuff for granted, and i worry when you say you skip class all the time and stuff. i dunno. maybe it's my fear of failing and need to do well that is taking over, but you said yourself you know you handle these classes. you can do it. it's in your hands ya know? but if you want to, you can. so i hope after some thought you find something to do that truely makes you happy. cause sometimes you just have to do things for yourself. and not worry what other people want for you. as hard as it may be. smile. and i hope your soccer went well. and thank you for the texts this weekend. i definitely had an AWESOME time. and everyone knew i did. and we'll figure out visiting soon. ill be counting to thanksgiving. and all of those songs you sent us are def the majority of the playlist i listen to too much when i walk. so thanks for that. but do your homework instead of sending music. lol.
john.
having you call and say what happened scared me. and like why you? i dont know. i felt terrible you had to go through that. and your lack of transportation. its scary. and if you have surgery that will scare the hell out of me. i dont know. i worry about you. and i realized today that thanksgiving is.. well two months. and we've survived one, right? whats two more? it'll be really really hard. and i know it. and it sucks. but im not sure if there's much i can do...but. i just keep telling myself it'll be ok. and i just want you to be ok. and enjoy what you are doing and who you are with. i hope the pain goes away, and i just wish there was something more i could do. let me know if there is. feel bettter dear.
mike.
i miss your jokes and being able to laugh. i hope elmhurst is going well and you are keeping up wiht your hw. it'll be pimp if you make it up here, and i just miss being around you. and you know it. its a good thing i have our hc picture to look at all the time lol. oh! i hope you had fun when you went again, lol. i hope you move into the house soon lol. i know everyone is patiently waiting. ha.
age. nina.
i cleaned a lot and was so freaking excited when i woke up on friday. it was like christmas when you wake up, and you have to remind yourself that today is the day youve been longing for for so long. it was here!! my mom, age, and nina were coming to visit. they tried to lie to me and say that they left later so that when they got there i wouldnt be expecting it. ha. the anticipation was pretty ya know, there, but i did alll of my laundry and tried to do a little work but that backfired. literally running and hugging them was amazing. im lame i know. but it was just so good to see them. and my mom brought me a lot of stuff and i finally have seating in my room lol. i was glad nina and age really liked my room, cause im a fan of it myself. we organized some stuff and then we all met with my cousin for dinner. it was good. came back. met up with my crew, but me age nina doug and greg ended up branching off to go to a party across the street from my cousin's place. lol. ya, he's my hookup. nick rubino was there lol. pretty amusing. age and nina retracted all of their previous comments about him and now do not like him at all lol. but i barely see him anyway so its fine. that was a good time though i thought. i enjoyed it. i was glad i could show em a good time. came home for a lil girl talk. both of them passed out so i was forced to go to bed lol. big day big day saturday was. went for bagels, minnesota gear at the union, then the mall of america! it's closer to me than i thought. it was fun. they were pretty psyched to go. we only ended up going to about four stores, johnny rockets for lunch, and two rides in the amusement park in four hours lol. ya, we rode the rides. and i think me and age are bruised. we came back for a short pregame preparation. haaaaaaaaaa. ohmy. but then went to the football game! it was pretty fun, but we lost. headed back for chill bonding time. we were definitely on our feet alllll day. but it was so much fun. showers. pizza. and rashes. id unno. i didnt want to go to bed cause i knew it would be sunday, and they would have to leave. and i felt bad cause i felt like i didnt get to see my mom too much. but it was so good to see her. she's still her crazy old self that i love and i think nina and age got a huge taste of it lol. i love her. i dont know. it was just so much fun and im glad they all got to come. saying bye was hard. really hard. cause now its like another long time before i see em ya know? i dunno. i broke down, and its been hard for me to talk to ppl about the weekend without crying just cause it was so much fun and its just so hard without anyone here. and i just realized how much i love home. but i know i can make it here. dont know. just loved having them here. it was amazing.
sorry this is so freaking long again. whatevs.
"YOU ARE KIDDING ME. LOOK IN THE BOX." [ALL DROP AND FALL LAUGHING]
"BARTLES AND JAMES!! 1996..IT AGES WELL"
"THIS IS EXACTLY LIKE IOWA, BUT CLEANER" "AND YOU HAVE A GOPHER"
"WAIT. WHAT'S A UNION?" "IT'S LIKE YOUR CC." "OHHHHH"
"IM JUST CALLING TO TELL YOU THAT IM ABOUT TO GO ON A ROLLERCOASTER IN MALL OF AMERICA. AND I MADE A PURCHASE"
"AGE YOU RUINED IT." "IM SOOO SORRY!! I FEEL SOO BAD.." "NO IT'S OK IM JUST KIDDING..IM REALLY NOT"
"WHAT'S HIS NAME? IAN? WAIT..DAVID? DAMNIT HE LOOKS LIKE A KEVIN"
"[NINA LAUGHS] [I LIKE CHOKE AND THROW UP] SHIT MY JEANS! I DONT HAVE ANY TO WEAR. SORRY ABOUT YOUR PILLOW AGE."
"PARKINSONS, THYROID CANCER, AND NARCOLEPSY" [AS NINA SPILLS ON HER SLEEPING BAG AGAIN]
"NINA ALWAYS MAKES FRIENDS WITH DRUNK PEOPLE"
"AHHH! MY LUCKY RAT'S TAIL"
"YOUR DORM ROOM IS THE NICEST AND WE'VE SPENT THE LEAST AMOUNT OF TIME HERE"
"DID YOU GUYS.." "YEAH!!!" "OH, I WAS KIDDING"
"OMG! MY BUTT IS NUMB!"
"OMG! MY LEGS ARE ITCHY!"
"OMG! COCKSUCKER!" "AND BALLS!"
"IS IT CHEWABLE OR SWALLOW?" "SWALLOW" "OH I CHEWED IT THE ONE TIME I TOOK IT.." "YOU DUMB SHIT"
college is setting in. and im scared. i dont want to mess anything up. and i wish i could find something that i could be a part of that i loved or was really excited about. but i havent found it. and im not busy enough. and its creepy kinda. its different, a change of pace, but i feel like it's not enough. everything i do is never enough. i dont know.
steph.
it's true ive been counting down on my white board for twenty some days until your arrival. but its gonna have to be ok that it changed. im sorry things happened the way they did. and i wish some days i could just take you out of your house, put you on a campus far away, cause i know you would be completely fine on your own. and i just want you to be happy and not hate everything. whenever it happens it happens, i just hope its not much longer. because well, you know that we need to see each other. im trying not to be upset, but you know i am. so it'll be amazing when you make it up here. and im sorry its such a hassle to come see me. it's hard trying to come home too. i dunno. just. stay positive. things will turn around for you. im crossing my fingers.
brian.
i hope you can find out what exactly you want to do or major in. i know it can be so freaking tough finding out exactly what you want, what to do about it, etc. and i dont want you to take your college stuff for granted, and i worry when you say you skip class all the time and stuff. i dunno. maybe it's my fear of failing and need to do well that is taking over, but you said yourself you know you handle these classes. you can do it. it's in your hands ya know? but if you want to, you can. so i hope after some thought you find something to do that truely makes you happy. cause sometimes you just have to do things for yourself. and not worry what other people want for you. as hard as it may be. smile. and i hope your soccer went well. and thank you for the texts this weekend. i definitely had an AWESOME time. and everyone knew i did. and we'll figure out visiting soon. ill be counting to thanksgiving. and all of those songs you sent us are def the majority of the playlist i listen to too much when i walk. so thanks for that. but do your homework instead of sending music. lol.
john.
having you call and say what happened scared me. and like why you? i dont know. i felt terrible you had to go through that. and your lack of transportation. its scary. and if you have surgery that will scare the hell out of me. i dont know. i worry about you. and i realized today that thanksgiving is.. well two months. and we've survived one, right? whats two more? it'll be really really hard. and i know it. and it sucks. but im not sure if there's much i can do...but. i just keep telling myself it'll be ok. and i just want you to be ok. and enjoy what you are doing and who you are with. i hope the pain goes away, and i just wish there was something more i could do. let me know if there is. feel bettter dear.
mike.
i miss your jokes and being able to laugh. i hope elmhurst is going well and you are keeping up wiht your hw. it'll be pimp if you make it up here, and i just miss being around you. and you know it. its a good thing i have our hc picture to look at all the time lol. oh! i hope you had fun when you went again, lol. i hope you move into the house soon lol. i know everyone is patiently waiting. ha.
age. nina.
i cleaned a lot and was so freaking excited when i woke up on friday. it was like christmas when you wake up, and you have to remind yourself that today is the day youve been longing for for so long. it was here!! my mom, age, and nina were coming to visit. they tried to lie to me and say that they left later so that when they got there i wouldnt be expecting it. ha. the anticipation was pretty ya know, there, but i did alll of my laundry and tried to do a little work but that backfired. literally running and hugging them was amazing. im lame i know. but it was just so good to see them. and my mom brought me a lot of stuff and i finally have seating in my room lol. i was glad nina and age really liked my room, cause im a fan of it myself. we organized some stuff and then we all met with my cousin for dinner. it was good. came back. met up with my crew, but me age nina doug and greg ended up branching off to go to a party across the street from my cousin's place. lol. ya, he's my hookup. nick rubino was there lol. pretty amusing. age and nina retracted all of their previous comments about him and now do not like him at all lol. but i barely see him anyway so its fine. that was a good time though i thought. i enjoyed it. i was glad i could show em a good time. came home for a lil girl talk. both of them passed out so i was forced to go to bed lol. big day big day saturday was. went for bagels, minnesota gear at the union, then the mall of america! it's closer to me than i thought. it was fun. they were pretty psyched to go. we only ended up going to about four stores, johnny rockets for lunch, and two rides in the amusement park in four hours lol. ya, we rode the rides. and i think me and age are bruised. we came back for a short pregame preparation. haaaaaaaaaa. ohmy. but then went to the football game! it was pretty fun, but we lost. headed back for chill bonding time. we were definitely on our feet alllll day. but it was so much fun. showers. pizza. and rashes. id unno. i didnt want to go to bed cause i knew it would be sunday, and they would have to leave. and i felt bad cause i felt like i didnt get to see my mom too much. but it was so good to see her. she's still her crazy old self that i love and i think nina and age got a huge taste of it lol. i love her. i dont know. it was just so much fun and im glad they all got to come. saying bye was hard. really hard. cause now its like another long time before i see em ya know? i dunno. i broke down, and its been hard for me to talk to ppl about the weekend without crying just cause it was so much fun and its just so hard without anyone here. and i just realized how much i love home. but i know i can make it here. dont know. just loved having them here. it was amazing.
sorry this is so freaking long again. whatevs.
"YOU ARE KIDDING ME. LOOK IN THE BOX." [ALL DROP AND FALL LAUGHING]
"BARTLES AND JAMES!! 1996..IT AGES WELL"
"THIS IS EXACTLY LIKE IOWA, BUT CLEANER" "AND YOU HAVE A GOPHER"
"WAIT. WHAT'S A UNION?" "IT'S LIKE YOUR CC." "OHHHHH"
"IM JUST CALLING TO TELL YOU THAT IM ABOUT TO GO ON A ROLLERCOASTER IN MALL OF AMERICA. AND I MADE A PURCHASE"
"AGE YOU RUINED IT." "IM SOOO SORRY!! I FEEL SOO BAD.." "NO IT'S OK IM JUST KIDDING..IM REALLY NOT"
"WHAT'S HIS NAME? IAN? WAIT..DAVID? DAMNIT HE LOOKS LIKE A KEVIN"
"[NINA LAUGHS] [I LIKE CHOKE AND THROW UP] SHIT MY JEANS! I DONT HAVE ANY TO WEAR. SORRY ABOUT YOUR PILLOW AGE."
"PARKINSONS, THYROID CANCER, AND NARCOLEPSY" [AS NINA SPILLS ON HER SLEEPING BAG AGAIN]
"NINA ALWAYS MAKES FRIENDS WITH DRUNK PEOPLE"
"AHHH! MY LUCKY RAT'S TAIL"
"YOUR DORM ROOM IS THE NICEST AND WE'VE SPENT THE LEAST AMOUNT OF TIME HERE"
"DID YOU GUYS.." "YEAH!!!" "OH, I WAS KIDDING"
"OMG! MY BUTT IS NUMB!"
"OMG! MY LEGS ARE ITCHY!"
"OMG! COCKSUCKER!" "AND BALLS!"
"IS IT CHEWABLE OR SWALLOW?" "SWALLOW" "OH I CHEWED IT THE ONE TIME I TOOK IT.." "YOU DUMB SHIT"