a broken flower pot
I don't know how to feel right now, or whether or not I should say anything to anyone. I had a rough day at work, and my evening was going really really swell until I came home from my walk with Lexi and found my hanging flower pot smashed and dirt all over my porch. This upset me greatly, for two reasons.
One, who would possibly want to destroy something so beautiful and utterly helpless as flowers? Two, who would want to do this to MY flowers? What could I possibly have done to warrant someone's ire, first in the form of a bag of dog poop on my porch, and then this?
Whether or not there's a reason doesn't matter. Maybe there isn't one. Maybe this is all senseless violence. Maybe whoever did that is jealous because he sees my happy dog and my happy flowers and he, for whatever reason he gives himself, can't have that, and so he must lash out at my flowers to make himself feel a little better, a little more powerful. Or maybe it was just a kid with a baseball bat who got dared by his friends. I don't know.
I am still, either way, deeply offended that this occurred. It saddens me to the core. I am outraged.
Can no one understand how this act of senseless destruction would hurt me so much? This may not have been personal, but those flowers had a little tiny piece of my soul in them, and the person who smashed them smashed that piece of me as well.
And you might say, "Kelly, they are just flowers. You're over-reacting." And maybe I am. But as a Witch, and as someone disconnected, as all humans are now, from the earth because of these great cities we live in, I see all acts of destruction, especially of helpless, beautiful things, as microcosm for how we're destroying the world and how we're destroying each other, and I can feel that pain. Some days the earth cries out to me and it is all I can do from collapsing from the weight of it.
And maybe you don't believe me. Maybe you don't think I can feel those things. But that doesn't matter to me, unless I care about you very much, in which case it matters a lot and your disbelief, your skepticism hurts me. But I don't think any of you that matter to me would think that. At least I hope not. Because this is important to me.
Tonight I feel Alone, because no one seems to grasp what I am saying here, and when that happens it is, to me, a failure. I called the police because of the dog poop on porch incident, not because I was afraid, not because I assume something more will happen. I called the police because that is how our system works, and now if anything more DOES happen there is a record, and I have done all that I can.
But still. This failure. This disconnect. And this inability on my part to say to anyone "This is important, please listen to what I am saying." I wanted someone to Know. To hear or read the words "Someone smashed up my flower pot" and understand what that means to me. And it's unfair to say no one did, because someone did. But I wanted everyone to understand.
Now I am sad, and lonely, and frustrated, and I regret the pride or foolishness--or both--that prevents me from giving voice to my fears and my insecurities and my needs. And now I wish to create something, but I am crushed by all the senseless destruction.
This is important. Please listen to what I am saying.
One, who would possibly want to destroy something so beautiful and utterly helpless as flowers? Two, who would want to do this to MY flowers? What could I possibly have done to warrant someone's ire, first in the form of a bag of dog poop on my porch, and then this?
Whether or not there's a reason doesn't matter. Maybe there isn't one. Maybe this is all senseless violence. Maybe whoever did that is jealous because he sees my happy dog and my happy flowers and he, for whatever reason he gives himself, can't have that, and so he must lash out at my flowers to make himself feel a little better, a little more powerful. Or maybe it was just a kid with a baseball bat who got dared by his friends. I don't know.
I am still, either way, deeply offended that this occurred. It saddens me to the core. I am outraged.
Can no one understand how this act of senseless destruction would hurt me so much? This may not have been personal, but those flowers had a little tiny piece of my soul in them, and the person who smashed them smashed that piece of me as well.
And you might say, "Kelly, they are just flowers. You're over-reacting." And maybe I am. But as a Witch, and as someone disconnected, as all humans are now, from the earth because of these great cities we live in, I see all acts of destruction, especially of helpless, beautiful things, as microcosm for how we're destroying the world and how we're destroying each other, and I can feel that pain. Some days the earth cries out to me and it is all I can do from collapsing from the weight of it.
And maybe you don't believe me. Maybe you don't think I can feel those things. But that doesn't matter to me, unless I care about you very much, in which case it matters a lot and your disbelief, your skepticism hurts me. But I don't think any of you that matter to me would think that. At least I hope not. Because this is important to me.
Tonight I feel Alone, because no one seems to grasp what I am saying here, and when that happens it is, to me, a failure. I called the police because of the dog poop on porch incident, not because I was afraid, not because I assume something more will happen. I called the police because that is how our system works, and now if anything more DOES happen there is a record, and I have done all that I can.
But still. This failure. This disconnect. And this inability on my part to say to anyone "This is important, please listen to what I am saying." I wanted someone to Know. To hear or read the words "Someone smashed up my flower pot" and understand what that means to me. And it's unfair to say no one did, because someone did. But I wanted everyone to understand.
Now I am sad, and lonely, and frustrated, and I regret the pride or foolishness--or both--that prevents me from giving voice to my fears and my insecurities and my needs. And now I wish to create something, but I am crushed by all the senseless destruction.
This is important. Please listen to what I am saying.