falling apart
Usually this journal gets attention when I am battling my female problems. However, after I realized that most of the female problems have to do with myself, I have begun to hate the whole picture that I have been illustrating.
So because this is less motivated by the opposite sex. I am going to try to focus on the ...AM I REALLY trying to create a focus on this entry. I can barely focus on anything right now. That's why I am writing in the Journal. There are so many strong elements in my life that have fallen apart.
My closest friend moved away back to the mainland. Another friend is moving out soon...but that doesn't change anything.
I was asked not to go back to my summer coaching job which i was practically in love with. I blew off a lot of relationships including the ones with my parents to focus on the coaching, didn't seem to be appreciated. I felt as this job was the most concrete reassurance of my strengths and stability in my life. Now it's out of the picture.
I started this semester with a positve attitude. Taking on a new path and meeting new people. I walked onto the UH swim team. It was one of my dreams to be a Division 1 athlete. And practicing everyday was everything I had dreamed of. I got my ass kicked everyday. When I got back to my sleeping quarters, I really slept. I didn't smoke any pot and I was meeting cool (much younger) people on the team. I did feel like a grandpa not only because of my age but because I was always in pain. It was a good pain though. It was a pain that everyone felt.
Three and a half weeks into practice I found out I am ineligible to swim in NCAA because of the ammount of semesters I've been enrolled in school and how much of my degree I have completed. My athletic counselor at the community college i had transferred from really screwed me. If i had just taken a year off, I would be eligible. THE WHOLE POINT of me going to hawaii was the opportunity to swim on the team.
Since then I have tried to define my path or journey less. Unfortunately this has caused me (voluntarily) to fall into my addictions and become far less focused.
Though since the news I have auditioned for two plays on campus and gotten two main roles, a part of me still seems empty. I lack stability. I turn off most girls....and even potential friends because of my abrasive and overly sarcastic dialogue.
on another note...i am supposed to not shave or cut any of my hair till december. i hate neck hair and the strange mop on my head is in it's awkward stage which sucks especially when it's warm all the time.
So because this is less motivated by the opposite sex. I am going to try to focus on the ...AM I REALLY trying to create a focus on this entry. I can barely focus on anything right now. That's why I am writing in the Journal. There are so many strong elements in my life that have fallen apart.
My closest friend moved away back to the mainland. Another friend is moving out soon...but that doesn't change anything.
I was asked not to go back to my summer coaching job which i was practically in love with. I blew off a lot of relationships including the ones with my parents to focus on the coaching, didn't seem to be appreciated. I felt as this job was the most concrete reassurance of my strengths and stability in my life. Now it's out of the picture.
I started this semester with a positve attitude. Taking on a new path and meeting new people. I walked onto the UH swim team. It was one of my dreams to be a Division 1 athlete. And practicing everyday was everything I had dreamed of. I got my ass kicked everyday. When I got back to my sleeping quarters, I really slept. I didn't smoke any pot and I was meeting cool (much younger) people on the team. I did feel like a grandpa not only because of my age but because I was always in pain. It was a good pain though. It was a pain that everyone felt.
Three and a half weeks into practice I found out I am ineligible to swim in NCAA because of the ammount of semesters I've been enrolled in school and how much of my degree I have completed. My athletic counselor at the community college i had transferred from really screwed me. If i had just taken a year off, I would be eligible. THE WHOLE POINT of me going to hawaii was the opportunity to swim on the team.
Since then I have tried to define my path or journey less. Unfortunately this has caused me (voluntarily) to fall into my addictions and become far less focused.
Though since the news I have auditioned for two plays on campus and gotten two main roles, a part of me still seems empty. I lack stability. I turn off most girls....and even potential friends because of my abrasive and overly sarcastic dialogue.
on another note...i am supposed to not shave or cut any of my hair till december. i hate neck hair and the strange mop on my head is in it's awkward stage which sucks especially when it's warm all the time.