Don't read this it's stupid.

[theredbamboo]

Time for word vomit. This is just gonna come up and spew all over this bitch. I rode my bike around today. It's easier to think on a bike then in a car. I have so much to do but I'm bored. Its just labor without compensation. I don't have something specific to look forward to at this point. There's life of course and I am excited about it but I don't know what about it I'm looking forward to. Just got off the phone with my aunt. She told me Christmas is made to make people feel bad so I shouldn't worry. She's starting the "Sullivan Project" hehe She's sending a letter around the whole family and we each put in a story or something and we'll put it all together. Anywho, I'm convinced we are not self sufficient creatures. Whenever I had a lot of homework to do and was overstressed and out of time I always found it so much easier to do other peoples homework despite whether there's was more difficult then mine. It's something about we feel worse causing someone elses failure than our own. Guilt. I find the same true with happiness. It is difficult to make yourself happy. If you disagree well good job. I find it enjoyable to make other people happy. If everyone just made other people happy instead of thinking about themselves wouldn't we all be a little happier. It's so easy to make me happy. Hug me. Sing me a song. Tell me a story. Take me outside. Smile at me. Be curteous. Smile at eachother. Act like every person you meet might love you. They could be someone you care about. We are not islands. Do something for someone you hardly know. It's a risk sometimes as I've discovered. Do it anyways it gives people hope. No one can be trusted so trust everyone. We have all been wronged. We have all been placed here with no reason. Don't be angry, there isn't anyone to blame. My best friend Andy called me from California last night at 3am (6am my time). He did something wrong, but I love him. He tells me I'm his soul and I am. Be someone elses conscience. Why? Because I expect more of him then I do for myself. Believe in yourself. Thats what the plaque says above my desk. I'm not sure how it's done. I believe I exist. I know I can do great things. More than this others believe in me. I've become important. We could all belong to eachother and everyone will be too important to die. I will bet everyone shares at least one thing with everyone else in this world. As I said I'm ranting my idealistic bullshit. It's so hard to keep thinking this way when everyone says it's childish. It's idealistic. I'm sorry that I never want to grow up to despise everything and accept that. For the life of me go on and say I'm simple minded and go ahead and hurt me cause I'll never know any better. Hurt me cause you know I don't want to hurt you back. I will continue to place my happiness in other peoples hands. I don't want to be an adult, I don't want to be rational, I don't want to be reasonable, and I don't have to make any sense to you. Take what you can and love that little I offer and remember who you got it from. I have love.

Now for random off topic thoughts...

I can't smile without you. I can't laugh and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything...

Sisters are nice. Yay for snuggly stuffed animals. Yay for happy things.

It's not Christmas till you see the nutcracker. I wish I could do Ballet.

I think my snakes dead... *poke*

If you all learn to hate me I'll disappear. *puff*

I will meet everyone before I die.

I never want to get married but.... lets play house, I want to walk around in your underwear.

Why do I keep giving guys my phone number? I am a bad girl. I like girls. They're pretty. It's my weakness. Shhh.

Song that has been dedicated to me: She's got a girlfriend now - Reel Big fish

You know why I want to live in New England... it's cold. So I'll be wearing thick clothes and when the virus escapes and everyones turns into zombies. when they bite me they'll get a mouthful of fluff. Good thinking Jessica... Right on... Thanks Nate.

Well, maybe just a half a drink more...