Take my nothing.

[theredbamboo]

I've lost my poetry. I've lost... This goes back in the hard cold casing it came from. Nothing comes in, nothing goes out. Reluctatly I force the lid closed. Here it goes again. The last thing I wanted to do. I'm seeping out of me but I don't know what to do to stop it. Self control? Self Discipline. I know that one. Jessica? No. Wake up! I don't want to. Things are so beautiful. Nightmare: Falling asleep. Fear. Nightmare: Perfection. Then waking up. Worse than pain=fleeting hope. I've lost... what did I loose again. I hadn't lost anything important. But now... I've lost my words. You took the sound from my voice. You took the expression from my feeling. I have so much to say, yell, cry, show. You will get this, my silent blank stare. Someone only lives behind these eyes on occasion. Who are you looking at? You take all these things from me and I don't even know who you are? Jessica? You don't smoke. This isn't the Jessica I fell in love with. Who ARE you? Jessica? Put the bottle down you know it's not going to help. Pick up the paint brush... good. I have nothing to paint. My inner childs been deflowered. Fucked raw. There goes the playful imagination... the creativity, the dreams, the inspiration. There's is nothing to paint from my mind. We only paint what we see now. Only what we see. Empty. You're no judge of yourself... you ugly fucker... Put it away, put it away. It's not your fault. You're ok. We're ok. I want to love people. I want to care about myself. Please leave me my feelings. I don't care if it hurts. I'd rather feel pain splotched with momentary joy then nothing at all. I want to stay here. I'd rather be somewhere else. But if here's all I have to be then I'll do it. Better this than nothing. You see I've lost my poetry. And I don't know what to say. You've expended the sugar coating and now here's the deflowered... unflowered honesty. Just look at my angry smile. I can feel you touching me but thats all you'll ever mean to me. I know it seems so easily faked but it's the only way I know. Without it... I have no voice. Yes... yes I am an ass.

Things I pondered briefly while writing this...

Who the hell sang that song about the peahces, and the shakin' the tree?

Damn.... I ate a lot of Sushi.

I ate ice cream three times today.

My feet are really bloody cold.

I smell bad... I think.

What the hell am I talking about?

Last night was fun.

I just want to get naked and cuddle...

I don't mean no harm...

You're the cutest thing I ever did see, really love your peaches want to shake your tree...

Sleepy time dark. Love.