life on the pregnant train...
i figure that i really should start chronicling my journey through pregnancy in a bit more detail, or at least what's left of it. considering that i have infinitely more time on my hands at this point in my life than i probably ever will again, it seems like a good idea. plus, there's lots of stuff stirring around in my head, and it would probably be a good idea to purge some of it out. it usually helps with the processing of it all, so here goes.
34 weeks down, roughly 6 to go. whoa. that's a lot down and only a few to go. i would be completely lying if i said that i do not have a healthy dose of anxiety over both labor and subsequent motherhood. but, more about labor, i think. i am going to try to go as long as possible without an epidural, which is asking for a hell of a lot of pain, but is really the only way to go as far as I can tell. so, we'll just have to keep the ol fingers crossed that labor progresses along with enough speed and no complications that i will be able to handle it. it's an intimidating thought, however. not much I can do about it, so i choose to try not to dwell on it. sometimes easier said than done.
as for motherhood, i am more excited than anxious, though i am sure that i will be overwhelmed on a daily basis in the beginning. my husband, bless his heart, is currently destructing the baby's room. literally. he's tearing down walls as i type. so, it is a bit nervewracking to not be able to set everything up and have everything all "ready" in a physical space sense, but whatever. if there's something that i've learned from purchasing a house, it's that the projects and wishlists are NEVER done. there is always something else that you can change, want to change, upgrade, etc. and that can drive you insane, if you let it. you can get stuck in an always wanting to improve state of mind, and that prevents you from appreciating what you already have. i don't want to get stuck there. i tend to panic and get overwhelmed with all the plans for things to be done, to be finished, to be made better, and i'm trying really hard to take this period of time to kick that nasty habit. sure, there are years worth of projects around here, but so what? our house, our yard, our family kicks ass as it is, and we can take them one at a time, as we see fit. i am generally doing pretty well at maintaining this outlook, but i do have my overwhelmed moments.
my current day to day activities are a similar situation. i am to the point where i tire very very easily, i get really hot if i go outside past 11 am, and i am too big to do many things. so, i am forced, quite literally, to take it much easier than the amount of free time that I have available would like me to. usually, without work, i'd be attacking the yard, or some house project, in addition to other things. not the case right now...i literally can't do that much. this is a big mental shift for me. plus, i'm not being all that social to make up for not being all that productive, cause most of my friends are working. add to that the fact that my husband is out of town Tues morning through Friday evenings, and you end up with a whole lot of me sitting around the house looking at tasks that i can't do. again, this is a big mental shift for me. i know that i need to treasure the down time now, because its the last time i'll have it for at least 18 years, probably much longer. and in general, i think i'm doing a pretty good job of it, but as mentioned earlier, i do have my moments where i feel useless and i just want to be productive.
i've actually done quite a few things, which i won't list here, so i try to assuade my useless feelings with those as reassurance. but, it has been a summer of no events - no camping, no festivals, no trips per se, for obvious reasons, so i think i just get a little stir crazy being home alone most of the week by myself. the bottom line that i was contemplating last week is that i really need to be sure that i judge my happiness by my own standards. and my standards say that i am pretty happy, so i just need to let the rest of it all be what it is - small stuff.
ok, i'm tired of sitting...so off i go to put the feet and the belly up.
34 weeks down, roughly 6 to go. whoa. that's a lot down and only a few to go. i would be completely lying if i said that i do not have a healthy dose of anxiety over both labor and subsequent motherhood. but, more about labor, i think. i am going to try to go as long as possible without an epidural, which is asking for a hell of a lot of pain, but is really the only way to go as far as I can tell. so, we'll just have to keep the ol fingers crossed that labor progresses along with enough speed and no complications that i will be able to handle it. it's an intimidating thought, however. not much I can do about it, so i choose to try not to dwell on it. sometimes easier said than done.
as for motherhood, i am more excited than anxious, though i am sure that i will be overwhelmed on a daily basis in the beginning. my husband, bless his heart, is currently destructing the baby's room. literally. he's tearing down walls as i type. so, it is a bit nervewracking to not be able to set everything up and have everything all "ready" in a physical space sense, but whatever. if there's something that i've learned from purchasing a house, it's that the projects and wishlists are NEVER done. there is always something else that you can change, want to change, upgrade, etc. and that can drive you insane, if you let it. you can get stuck in an always wanting to improve state of mind, and that prevents you from appreciating what you already have. i don't want to get stuck there. i tend to panic and get overwhelmed with all the plans for things to be done, to be finished, to be made better, and i'm trying really hard to take this period of time to kick that nasty habit. sure, there are years worth of projects around here, but so what? our house, our yard, our family kicks ass as it is, and we can take them one at a time, as we see fit. i am generally doing pretty well at maintaining this outlook, but i do have my overwhelmed moments.
my current day to day activities are a similar situation. i am to the point where i tire very very easily, i get really hot if i go outside past 11 am, and i am too big to do many things. so, i am forced, quite literally, to take it much easier than the amount of free time that I have available would like me to. usually, without work, i'd be attacking the yard, or some house project, in addition to other things. not the case right now...i literally can't do that much. this is a big mental shift for me. plus, i'm not being all that social to make up for not being all that productive, cause most of my friends are working. add to that the fact that my husband is out of town Tues morning through Friday evenings, and you end up with a whole lot of me sitting around the house looking at tasks that i can't do. again, this is a big mental shift for me. i know that i need to treasure the down time now, because its the last time i'll have it for at least 18 years, probably much longer. and in general, i think i'm doing a pretty good job of it, but as mentioned earlier, i do have my moments where i feel useless and i just want to be productive.
i've actually done quite a few things, which i won't list here, so i try to assuade my useless feelings with those as reassurance. but, it has been a summer of no events - no camping, no festivals, no trips per se, for obvious reasons, so i think i just get a little stir crazy being home alone most of the week by myself. the bottom line that i was contemplating last week is that i really need to be sure that i judge my happiness by my own standards. and my standards say that i am pretty happy, so i just need to let the rest of it all be what it is - small stuff.
ok, i'm tired of sitting...so off i go to put the feet and the belly up.