un petit dinosaur dit......
School....
School. This has been the worst semester of my scholastic career. I feel like such a bad student. Seriously I'll be surprised if my GPA for the semester breaks 3.0. It's fucking ridonkulous how bad of a student I've been this semester but I've learned not to take a whole semester of things I don't want to take!!! Chemistry has been the craziest course for the semester. All these new things that incorporate into everyday life.
The school of music is really it's own universe. It's separated from the rest of the campus in idea and people alike. We're all doing the same thing in the same environment. We're so very lucky to have the resources, building and cohorts that we do. There's the occasional person that I sincerely do not like but for the most part I can say that I love my colleagues in the SOM. We're crazy, but we really do learn from each other. It's so great meeting people from outside our own little "universe" that venture into it. I realized today how much we have at our school. Other people don't have that in their undergraduate and we can bitch and complain about it, or we can take advantage of it. There's no reason for some of the complaining I hear.
My voice is doing it's own thing lately. I've never IN MY LIFE imagined somebody saying that I had a big voice but today it happened. Somebody who has had the priviledge of a working with a true diva of the 60's told me that I had a big voice. It's not that I want a smaller voice but I've never thought about how hard I can push this horn. It's a horn all right. People lately have been either shirking my voice or glorifying it. I wish that people would give me credit but not straight up over-compliment my voice. Nobody says anything about it but when they do, I feel like it's so not genuine. I will say though that for most young tenors who are as young as I am....I feel like I have a pretty nice horn. It's not the best, it's not the worst but it damn sure gives tenor and on good days, it gives Good TENOR! I do have to be careful though, I've lately gotten to listening to new (to me) repertory. Today I sang through some Dvorak Gypsy Songs and then thought....this isn't for me, I should sing this in ten years!! I love seeing myself grow! I love the prospect of thinking, "Damn I remember when I used to do this in the top." I actually remember when I had a bottom, and then it went away and then it came back again. A friend remarked the other day that I now had a bottom range, it literally came from nowhere. Seriously, I'm not sure where the bitch in my throat is going but I'll follow him, even through the rough sounding patches. It's just going to go wherever, and I'm going with it!
Friends...
my true friends, are more than wonderful. they happen to be there and i greatly appreciate that.
can i just say that john peeler is fucking ridic. that boy and i seem to always know what the other is thinking, at glance. i'm so glad that there's someone else in the SoM that is just as crazy as me. As Donna lovingly put it, "i'm the dominant one" but only because i'm not afraid to say it. Donna is a mess, but a great mess, she's always saying random things but they make sense when she says them. Meredith Mallory JONES!!! that's my bitch, and I mean that not in the abusive husband kind of way. We ARE going to pass theory and ear training TOGETHER! Charles, OH GOD. I love Charles, he's been such a blessing!!! I needed somebody to look at me and just be real, and be themselves and be great and ........ you know what, this year would not have been the same without Charles! We're going to be great tenors one day, he quicker than me,but it's going to happen. Melita....my big sister lita is leaving me. She's leaving and I'm sad but I'm trying not to be mopey around her and stuff. It's really sad that she's leaving. I'm surrounded by so many wonderful people daily and I don't give them enough credit. I'm going to start giving credit when/where it's due.
Family..
damn parental units. that's all i'm going to say, it seems like we're fighting about everything lately, and all i can do is say....fine. i'm just not used to all this yet. sometimes i want to go back to the way it used to be and then i realize that they really are only trying to have my best interest in mind but sometimes it just seems like they totally disregard what i would think is the best. it's just...different!
I'm in a weird mood, thankful yet bitchy. HAHAHA. I need some sleep.