Third time was not the charm
So yeah. Third IUI failed. I peed on the stick this morning but it gives me so much anxiety to wait for the result that I just left it in the bathroom and had Chris go look at it. I heard “gat-damn it” and knew what it said. But once again he’s trying to be really positive about the whole thing. Says it’ll happen one way or another.
If I’m being honest I’m actually scared it won’t. Like we’ll go through all this and we’ll do IVF and that will fail so we’ll try it again and that will fail and then we’re left with no options. Adoption I guess. Which we’d do if there weren’t any alternatives but I just really, really wanted to be pregnant and birth my own child. I want to be a mother no matter what, but my strong preference is to birth my own child. And I’m just really worried I won’t be able to.
We’re gonna talk to the doctor about doing a 4th IUI (chances go up to 40-80%) or doing IVF. When we started she said she’d love to IVF after 3 IUI attempts. So idk. It’ll basically empty our savings to do that but IVF means taking out a giant loan.
I think we’re gonna move Snickers home. Mom said dad was talking about building some stalls off the pole barn. Mom said she’d make sure he gets his fly sheet at night. It would suck to not be able to just drive 15 minutes to see him but with everything going on I don’t even go out there but once or twice a week. I should go out more. But this is just so depressing I can’t seem to get out of bed most days. Even though I know time with him would help. I also just worry about him out there and I can trust Anna. She moves him in with other horses without telling me and he almost gets injured without her telling me. He escaped his stall twice without her telling me. It’s a dream of a place as far as the landscape and the facilities but I can’t handle the stress of her flippancy. Plus it’s 600 a month we’d be saving if he was home. And I know he’d be loved and cared for. And hopefully we’ll move back to Florida next year.
I just need a win guys, come on.