Perspective
Ignorance truly is bliss.
When I was growing up, I thought it was normal for your arms and legs to turn red when you climbed oak trees. I figured it was just the bark of the tree scratching my skin up. I thought cat scratches always turned into red welts for a week at a time. I assumed I was just sickly because I felt so awful all the time.
Then the allergist put me on Zyrtec. Now I know what breathing is like. Now I know that getting rashes from oak trees -isn't- normal, and that you're not supposed to be tired and achey in the face all year round. But now, what was just normal for me and part of How Life Was, is intolerable. What I dealt with day in and day out is now the Worst Thing Ever.
Much the same are my medications. It's apparently not normal to have constant emotional turmoil. It's not normal to berate yourself every second of every day. It's also not normal to wake up with an Impending Sense of Doom.
One thing Seroquel did for me was take away the daily anxiety. Granted, it saved it all up for Monday and dumped it on me all at once, but I got a taste of what it was like to wake up... not at least mildly freaked out.
So now that I'm not taking it anymore, I'm kind of irritated. Before, my morning went something like this:
Impending Doom was just a part of my morning. Now, the Impending Doom is bothering me because for a few glorious... Okay, they weren't glorious. I was so tired I was passing out in the middle of the day, and I'm surprised I didn't turn into Rip Van Winkle. But anyway, for a few days, Impending Doom wasn't a part of my morning. And now it's back.
Is medication a blessing or a curse? I don't know. I like thinking and breathing, though. I have to admit those are pretty cool.
When I was growing up, I thought it was normal for your arms and legs to turn red when you climbed oak trees. I figured it was just the bark of the tree scratching my skin up. I thought cat scratches always turned into red welts for a week at a time. I assumed I was just sickly because I felt so awful all the time.
Then the allergist put me on Zyrtec. Now I know what breathing is like. Now I know that getting rashes from oak trees -isn't- normal, and that you're not supposed to be tired and achey in the face all year round. But now, what was just normal for me and part of How Life Was, is intolerable. What I dealt with day in and day out is now the Worst Thing Ever.
Much the same are my medications. It's apparently not normal to have constant emotional turmoil. It's not normal to berate yourself every second of every day. It's also not normal to wake up with an Impending Sense of Doom.
One thing Seroquel did for me was take away the daily anxiety. Granted, it saved it all up for Monday and dumped it on me all at once, but I got a taste of what it was like to wake up... not at least mildly freaked out.
So now that I'm not taking it anymore, I'm kind of irritated. Before, my morning went something like this:
- Go "AUAAAAUUARGH" at alarm clock and turn off.
- Gather motivation to get out of bed.
- Acknowledge sense of Impending Doom.
- Mentally gnaw at sense of Impending Doom.
- Thoroughly feeling Impending Doom now, continue gathering motivation to get out of bed.
- Attempt to roll out of air mattress without flipping over on top of self, perhaps or perhaps not succeeding.
- Find clean clothes on floor.
- Debate whether or not dirty or motivated enough to take shower, perhaps or perhaps not doing so.
- Get dressed.
- Impending Doom!
- Breakfast, which may or may not be a Coke, because I'm healthy like that.
- etc. etc.
Impending Doom was just a part of my morning. Now, the Impending Doom is bothering me because for a few glorious... Okay, they weren't glorious. I was so tired I was passing out in the middle of the day, and I'm surprised I didn't turn into Rip Van Winkle. But anyway, for a few days, Impending Doom wasn't a part of my morning. And now it's back.
Is medication a blessing or a curse? I don't know. I like thinking and breathing, though. I have to admit those are pretty cool.