Flocking Pics
Okay, so, this post is f-locked because I got visual confirmation yesterday of exactly how much weight I've really gained. I'm going to post them here because you guys are my friends, but I don't want them to wander around because it's upsetting.
That out of the way, let me tell you what's been happening the past few days. My doctor put me on Seroquel XR, which is another atypical antipsychotic. He's worried I'm Bipolar II or something, or possibly paranoid schizophrenic. I'm not. I've been crying a lot because I'm single, so he's trying to medicate me better, which is not what I need. Until my follow-up, it was fine, I was having no problems except I wanted to sleep FOREVER.
Then bolwing happened. I got super-anxious an hour before bowling. I got there and my anxiety kept rising to where it was at near-panic levels. Klonopin wasn't helping. When I went up to bowl, I couldn't figure out how. My body wasn't working right, I couldn't do my approach, I just couldn't do it. I wound up falling down, and then the panic attack started. I was hyperventilating, and people were crowded around me. All I could see were legs and I just wanted them to go away and I think Kevin pushed everybody off. I ran, grabbed my shoes, threw my bowling shoes on the counter, and ran to the car where I spent a good two hours sobbing and begging the Universe to make it stop. It didn't. Kevin drove me home.
I woke up the next morning depressed out of my mind and called off work. I tried to hang out with Murray. He would preen me, he would cuddle up next to me, but I wasn't allowed to touch him. And I did a bad thing. I thought maybe he was just being cage territorial, because I'd read quakers were like that and really the only way to train them was to take them to where they couldn't see their cage. I took a towel, wrapped a protesting Murray in it, and took him to my bedroom.
He flew to the window. He flew to the closet. He flew to the bed. He got super-mad at me when I tried to help him with his pinfeather problem on the back of his neck. When he tried to bite me, I put him back. He wouldn't talk to me. I explained to him why I'd done everything and told him I was really sorry. He turned his back to me.
I was devastated. I'd set us back who knows how long? I figured out how to fix the PS2 and played Katamari Damacy for a while. Murray would occassionally caw over his shoulder at me, and if I said anything in response, would do the 'if you don't shut it I'm gonna do my Jungle Alarm Call at you' noise. I took a nap for three hours after that. When I woke up, I set up Murray's perch and gave him some treats, but mostly left him alone because that was what he wanted.
Last night around 8:30 p.m. while I was playing Okami, I heard fluttering. Winter and I looked over at Murray's cage. He flew from his perch and landed in the middle of the living room floor. We both looked at him. Murray was shaking a little and very nervous. His wings were partially spread like he'd fly back to the cage at any minute. I told Winter to hold still and just talk to him. Eventually, he calmed down and walked over to the couch where I was sitting. He climbed up onto the cushion. And from there to my lap.
I hardly dared to move. He sat on my lap and cleaned his little feet and then looked at me. He climbed some more.
I was scrounging around yesterday, so forgive the hair. Murray played with the rhinestone-filled grommets on my sweater for a while and chirped and burbled and did frog-impersonations at me.
And finally he climbed up onto my shoulder. He left my earrings alone, but he did try to preen my acne. *lol*
I guess the little cogwheels were turning in his little bird brain all day. I was lucky he came to the conclusion that I meant no harm, and that I was his friend, not a foe. Murray also taught me something.
He will step up onto my arm. He won't listen to a command to do so. He will do it of his own accord. He wants nothing to do with fingers. He has a burning, birdy hatred for fingers, and I'm not sure why. But if I treat him as an equal, and allow him the free-will to do what he wants, he will be my friend. He's taught me some manners. :) And in return, I get a best friend. That's the best thing I ever could've gotten.
And just because, here are some gratuitous cute parrot shots:
Yawns are fluffy!
You've gotta look at it just right...
And cornbread is love. :D
That out of the way, let me tell you what's been happening the past few days. My doctor put me on Seroquel XR, which is another atypical antipsychotic. He's worried I'm Bipolar II or something, or possibly paranoid schizophrenic. I'm not. I've been crying a lot because I'm single, so he's trying to medicate me better, which is not what I need. Until my follow-up, it was fine, I was having no problems except I wanted to sleep FOREVER.
Then bolwing happened. I got super-anxious an hour before bowling. I got there and my anxiety kept rising to where it was at near-panic levels. Klonopin wasn't helping. When I went up to bowl, I couldn't figure out how. My body wasn't working right, I couldn't do my approach, I just couldn't do it. I wound up falling down, and then the panic attack started. I was hyperventilating, and people were crowded around me. All I could see were legs and I just wanted them to go away and I think Kevin pushed everybody off. I ran, grabbed my shoes, threw my bowling shoes on the counter, and ran to the car where I spent a good two hours sobbing and begging the Universe to make it stop. It didn't. Kevin drove me home.
I woke up the next morning depressed out of my mind and called off work. I tried to hang out with Murray. He would preen me, he would cuddle up next to me, but I wasn't allowed to touch him. And I did a bad thing. I thought maybe he was just being cage territorial, because I'd read quakers were like that and really the only way to train them was to take them to where they couldn't see their cage. I took a towel, wrapped a protesting Murray in it, and took him to my bedroom.
He flew to the window. He flew to the closet. He flew to the bed. He got super-mad at me when I tried to help him with his pinfeather problem on the back of his neck. When he tried to bite me, I put him back. He wouldn't talk to me. I explained to him why I'd done everything and told him I was really sorry. He turned his back to me.
I was devastated. I'd set us back who knows how long? I figured out how to fix the PS2 and played Katamari Damacy for a while. Murray would occassionally caw over his shoulder at me, and if I said anything in response, would do the 'if you don't shut it I'm gonna do my Jungle Alarm Call at you' noise. I took a nap for three hours after that. When I woke up, I set up Murray's perch and gave him some treats, but mostly left him alone because that was what he wanted.
Last night around 8:30 p.m. while I was playing Okami, I heard fluttering. Winter and I looked over at Murray's cage. He flew from his perch and landed in the middle of the living room floor. We both looked at him. Murray was shaking a little and very nervous. His wings were partially spread like he'd fly back to the cage at any minute. I told Winter to hold still and just talk to him. Eventually, he calmed down and walked over to the couch where I was sitting. He climbed up onto the cushion. And from there to my lap.
I hardly dared to move. He sat on my lap and cleaned his little feet and then looked at me. He climbed some more.
I was scrounging around yesterday, so forgive the hair. Murray played with the rhinestone-filled grommets on my sweater for a while and chirped and burbled and did frog-impersonations at me.
And finally he climbed up onto my shoulder. He left my earrings alone, but he did try to preen my acne. *lol*
I guess the little cogwheels were turning in his little bird brain all day. I was lucky he came to the conclusion that I meant no harm, and that I was his friend, not a foe. Murray also taught me something.
He will step up onto my arm. He won't listen to a command to do so. He will do it of his own accord. He wants nothing to do with fingers. He has a burning, birdy hatred for fingers, and I'm not sure why. But if I treat him as an equal, and allow him the free-will to do what he wants, he will be my friend. He's taught me some manners. :) And in return, I get a best friend. That's the best thing I ever could've gotten.
And just because, here are some gratuitous cute parrot shots:
Yawns are fluffy!
You've gotta look at it just right...
And cornbread is love. :D