(no subject)
Why sometimes am I so pathetic..why do I lie..why do I try to be this person that everyone expects me to be because thats how I have built myself up. I am not saying I am not myself most of the time but their is just that one area..that place within myself where I lack confidence so what I do I cover it up with lies...I pretend to be a pro..perfection at it. I am depressed and I need to get my mind off of it. I can't stop thinking about it. I am driving myself crazy and I have huge Geology test tomorow which I am completely not ready for and a paper due. God I feel so tired not just physically but mentally..its not like I have had a hard life..to the contrary its been easy for the most part but I feel unmodivated lazy and aimless. Where am I going what do I want to do with my life? I am without a goal without a purpose and I don't know. I don't belong in orange county but then I don't know where I belong. I stay in my room like a hobbit trying to avoid the judgement and questions from my parents. Routine so boring and dragginf..why continue in this bleh exhistence. I meen I am not suididal..I don't want to kill myself its just whats the point. I need to have my break through in life. I need to have that surreal experience that afterwards I can go ahhh thats why I am here. I am lonely.