ephemeral happiness
wow so i had a fantastic night last night- i hung out with a guy i thought would be arrogant, cocky, uninterested, and way too good for me. apparently im a bad judge of character bc he was really sweet- tried to make me sleep on the bigger couch because i had to work today, covered me with a blanket, held me while i slept... originally i wanted to talk to this guy bc i knew he would be fun to hang out with. after last night, now i like him- a lot. i went into work energized even though i slept like 45 minutes the whole night, and kept a smile on my face past 11am (a rarity at work on a saturday).
ugh- i started to feel really bad at work though and thought i was going to pass out- it felt exactly like my worst hangover (the day after my 18th bday was a saturday at work too haha) but i only had one drink last night. dont even think im a lightweight, either, bc usually it takes 7-8 shots to get me drunk. i was also spazzing out like you wouldnt believe- almost started crying over who was wrapping sandwiches, threatened to kick a coworkers ass if he ran into me again (lol hes a big boy, so it was impossible to avoid minor collisions), and kept yelling at my manager (luckily hes a good friend, and only yelled back instead of firing). i dont know what the fuck was wrong with me but it kinda worried me. but i feel way better now- just a little sick to the stomach- maybe its the flu or something.
so i got home and talked to my brother for a while- was nice bc i miss him. were getting a lot closer as we get older and more mature and hes getting to be a good friend. josh, if youre reading this, dont post a message that says "gay!" haha i know you well.
but then i got online... bad mistake of the day lol. to make a long story short... the guy i hung out with last night apparently used to have something going with a friend of mine, and thought it might hurt her feelings if we dated. i talked to the friend, she said its a-ok, but the guy said he felt wrong about dating me. but the basic overview is this:
1. he likes me and would "like to be my bf"
2. i like him- a lot after last night
3. my friend is ok with us dating
4. however, he thinks shes still got a thing for him and she would really be hurt
5. he said his decision is not up for discussion. PERIOD.
6. *sob*
it sucked... ill be honest, im used to guys rejecting me bc im too into them or my looks are not up to par or bc they dont like me for whatever reason... but i dont think theres ever been a guy who genuinely likes me that i cant even casually date bc of something like this.
im really bummed- if this had happened before i saw the side of him that i saw last night, i would have been like "ok well im not cute enough for him. oh well!" but now i know him a little better... and freakin like him. lol. so im more like "damn it! jesus hates me!" (lol if you really know me, you know that i dont believe that...)
hmmm... im making this entry about an hour and a half after i learned all this great stuff, so ive had some time to stop crying (i know, pathetic) and calm down. i guess im ok with this. hes a good person, and id prefer to have him as a friend than as nothing. maybe in time hell realize that my friend really is over him and is ok with this, and will just realize that im awesome and he wants to date me no matter the previous circumstances. =P
ehh i dont know- i am a little depressed about this but i hate allowing things to bring me down. well be friends, and if im lucky, more at some point. *~no worries~* ... it makes life easier and happier
ugh- i started to feel really bad at work though and thought i was going to pass out- it felt exactly like my worst hangover (the day after my 18th bday was a saturday at work too haha) but i only had one drink last night. dont even think im a lightweight, either, bc usually it takes 7-8 shots to get me drunk. i was also spazzing out like you wouldnt believe- almost started crying over who was wrapping sandwiches, threatened to kick a coworkers ass if he ran into me again (lol hes a big boy, so it was impossible to avoid minor collisions), and kept yelling at my manager (luckily hes a good friend, and only yelled back instead of firing). i dont know what the fuck was wrong with me but it kinda worried me. but i feel way better now- just a little sick to the stomach- maybe its the flu or something.
so i got home and talked to my brother for a while- was nice bc i miss him. were getting a lot closer as we get older and more mature and hes getting to be a good friend. josh, if youre reading this, dont post a message that says "gay!" haha i know you well.
but then i got online... bad mistake of the day lol. to make a long story short... the guy i hung out with last night apparently used to have something going with a friend of mine, and thought it might hurt her feelings if we dated. i talked to the friend, she said its a-ok, but the guy said he felt wrong about dating me. but the basic overview is this:
1. he likes me and would "like to be my bf"
2. i like him- a lot after last night
3. my friend is ok with us dating
4. however, he thinks shes still got a thing for him and she would really be hurt
5. he said his decision is not up for discussion. PERIOD.
6. *sob*
it sucked... ill be honest, im used to guys rejecting me bc im too into them or my looks are not up to par or bc they dont like me for whatever reason... but i dont think theres ever been a guy who genuinely likes me that i cant even casually date bc of something like this.
im really bummed- if this had happened before i saw the side of him that i saw last night, i would have been like "ok well im not cute enough for him. oh well!" but now i know him a little better... and freakin like him. lol. so im more like "damn it! jesus hates me!" (lol if you really know me, you know that i dont believe that...)
hmmm... im making this entry about an hour and a half after i learned all this great stuff, so ive had some time to stop crying (i know, pathetic) and calm down. i guess im ok with this. hes a good person, and id prefer to have him as a friend than as nothing. maybe in time hell realize that my friend really is over him and is ok with this, and will just realize that im awesome and he wants to date me no matter the previous circumstances. =P
ehh i dont know- i am a little depressed about this but i hate allowing things to bring me down. well be friends, and if im lucky, more at some point. *~no worries~* ... it makes life easier and happier