maybe its not so ephemeral after all....
my weekend rounded off quite nicely after the disappointment of saturday afternoon. really freakin great actually =P i talked to the hottie sunday evening online, just chitchatting- which was nice. i realized that i really would be a-ok even if he just wants to be buddies. when i was about to get off the computer and go to bed though, he started joking around about me coming over to his house... i asked him not to say stuff like that if he didnt mean it- i hate when hopes are raised for no reason at all, you know? he said it would be cool if i came over- we could watch a movie or something. well, damn, i kinda thought it was a bad idea but i really like being around him, so i told him "k ill be there around 12:30". lol i was still worried that he was going to say "dude i was jk- i really dont want you to come over to my house" so i signed off, got a bath, and went upstairs. however, slight obstacle: i live with my parents, and no way in hell am i allowed to leave my house at 1 am on a weeknight. so i had to wait for them to go to bed- i dried and straightened my hair while i waited though so that was good bc i looked almost hot. lol. so i heard my dad go to bed, went downstairs like 20 minutes later but he wasnt asleep- good thing that im slick and was wearing my bathrobe so i just went into the kitchen and told dad i had a headache and needed advil. lol double points on that one, bc not only did he not know what was going on, but i got some sympathy for my "headache" too! i figured the "walk right out the front door" plan just wasnt going to work, so i decided the "hey lets climb out of my 2nd story window onto a slanted roof and down a palm tree" plan was a GREAT idea. hahaha lol. it took me almost 15 minutes to get my courage up to climb out of the tiny window, especially since i had to step over a dresser to get out, and then the ledge i needed to step onto was a full 2 feet below the windowsill... scary! the worst part was that i didnt want neighbors to see, and i was pretty sure my brother was still awake in the living room- which happens to be right underneath the part of the roof i was climbing on. then i realized that the roof is made of aluminum- which is LOUD when you step on it!!! my brother came outside at least twice while i was walking on the roof. not to mention the fact that i knew there was a palm tree on the side of the roof, but 1. i didnt know if it was tall enough to reach the roof 2. i didnt know if it was close enough to the roof to get onto and 3. i didnt know if the branches could hold me... so i was really winging it lol. i got off the roof and got to the real problem- my car. ive never had to pull it out of my driveway without turning it on before, so i was kinda worried. in the end i had to put it in neutral, then sit in the drivers seat and use my left foot to push the car backwards- lol i guess i dont have a lot of skill at sneaking out.
but alas, i was not caught- not even when i crawled back through my window (head first!) at 5:15, went downstairs to pee, then came upstairs to get into bed, and heard my moms alarm go off 5 minutes later. talk about good timing!! however, that also means i slept a grand total of 45 minutes this morning- same as friday night. but damn he was worth it!! we just hung out at his house- watched a weird french movie with subtitles that i couldnt really concentrate on... but we laid together (always nice). and we talked a little- and kissed but nothing else. it was kinda funny bc i wasnt expecting that either. i thought that if he kissed me he would just go ahead and keep going, you know? but when i made it clear that i wanted that, he said "havent you ever just laid with a guy who doesnt want to get into your pants?" i was a little insulted- i dont want him to think im a slut or sex-crazed. but the thing is, he was kinda right. like, ive laid with guys in bed who werent thinking about screwing me at that point in time... but the thing is, hes the only guy who has turned me down when i initiated things. at first i thought he just didnt want me- kinda a downer lol. but then he said "look, i want to get to know you- without sex involved. i like hanging out with you, but i want to see how much i like you before anything like that happens" lol wow, right words to say! so we just laid and talked for a while- to be honest, i was a little disappointed at first that he didnt want to do anything, but then i realized hes right- sex shouldnt be so damn early, especially since we like each other and stuff seems to be going well... sticking sex in the mix just confuses feelings. so hes way smarter than i am.
he told me not to get attached to him though... i guess thats his way of saying that hes not sure if hed really like to date me. its hard though bc the way he acts is like he wants to date me, but then he tells me he doesnt know yet. its ok with me; ive been pretty lonely and like the companionship.. the only thing is, if he acts like this now, how is he going to act if he realizes he wants to date me? the same way? bc if thats the case how am i going to be able to tell that he likes me? ahh well i guess i shall see eventually. hes a good guy though- he keeps doing things that make me like and respect him a lot. like last night... he asked about something in my past that i hate to remember- it makes me think about what kind of person i really am. i told him about it, just a little, but i was still really down about it. he saw that, apologized for asking about it, and kissed my cheek and rubbed my arm. really really sweet. then he told me his own similar story to make me feel a little better about things ive done. lol all i have to say is, if he doesnt want to date me, whoever he does end up getting serious with needs to thank her lucky stars- often.
but alas, i was not caught- not even when i crawled back through my window (head first!) at 5:15, went downstairs to pee, then came upstairs to get into bed, and heard my moms alarm go off 5 minutes later. talk about good timing!! however, that also means i slept a grand total of 45 minutes this morning- same as friday night. but damn he was worth it!! we just hung out at his house- watched a weird french movie with subtitles that i couldnt really concentrate on... but we laid together (always nice). and we talked a little- and kissed but nothing else. it was kinda funny bc i wasnt expecting that either. i thought that if he kissed me he would just go ahead and keep going, you know? but when i made it clear that i wanted that, he said "havent you ever just laid with a guy who doesnt want to get into your pants?" i was a little insulted- i dont want him to think im a slut or sex-crazed. but the thing is, he was kinda right. like, ive laid with guys in bed who werent thinking about screwing me at that point in time... but the thing is, hes the only guy who has turned me down when i initiated things. at first i thought he just didnt want me- kinda a downer lol. but then he said "look, i want to get to know you- without sex involved. i like hanging out with you, but i want to see how much i like you before anything like that happens" lol wow, right words to say! so we just laid and talked for a while- to be honest, i was a little disappointed at first that he didnt want to do anything, but then i realized hes right- sex shouldnt be so damn early, especially since we like each other and stuff seems to be going well... sticking sex in the mix just confuses feelings. so hes way smarter than i am.
he told me not to get attached to him though... i guess thats his way of saying that hes not sure if hed really like to date me. its hard though bc the way he acts is like he wants to date me, but then he tells me he doesnt know yet. its ok with me; ive been pretty lonely and like the companionship.. the only thing is, if he acts like this now, how is he going to act if he realizes he wants to date me? the same way? bc if thats the case how am i going to be able to tell that he likes me? ahh well i guess i shall see eventually. hes a good guy though- he keeps doing things that make me like and respect him a lot. like last night... he asked about something in my past that i hate to remember- it makes me think about what kind of person i really am. i told him about it, just a little, but i was still really down about it. he saw that, apologized for asking about it, and kissed my cheek and rubbed my arm. really really sweet. then he told me his own similar story to make me feel a little better about things ive done. lol all i have to say is, if he doesnt want to date me, whoever he does end up getting serious with needs to thank her lucky stars- often.