trans* and medical deficiencies.

[thehobbit]

So I'm a relatively hairy person. Always have been. My arms have lightened up as I've gotten older but my happy trail has gotten darker. Because I hate warming up wax I've taken to shaving my upper lip and I pluck several hairs on my face that aren't located in my eyebrows

Comments

[anonymous]

Hello lovely. I rarely comment on LJ, but for you, oh kindred spirit, I make exceptions. This post sounds more like you are trying to work it out in your head rather than how you relate to the people around you in gendered terms so I will address it as such. The thing about gender is that whether or not we put a stamp on it to signify which team we are part of does not invalidate your own gender experience. These things are personal journeys that we all go through. For instance, I've identified as female for the past 8 years, but as I've grown into my own womanhood I realized that I am never going to be a prissy lady. That is my experience and it is as valid as your own. Sometimes I think these things can't be figured out, but they have to be experienced in a way that brings meaning to your own life.
As far as medical deficiencies are concerned, so what? You are a person who is making a life for themselves and while this may be something you carry, it is not you. Their is a chance it may be something in your genetic make up and caused you to feel in a certain way, but it does not define who you want to be as a gendered person. only you can do that. (insert glossy cliche phrases here.)
I hope that you do find something that fits how you feel about your own gender some day, but I encourage you to blaze a bit of a trail for yourself. Maybe you can come up with a word or phrase that you feel fits you. And yes, you are a member of the trans* community in my book. :) And now I feel like a half assed guru.

[thehobbit]

Well, the difficult thing is that when I have this conversation with people about feeling male, like a man, etc I often get "well you can be a female and masculine". What I'm feeling is different and persistent. Not persistent enough to want to undergo surgeries or hormone therapies but persistent enough to feel wrong in my skin and in my relationships and my interactions and in general.

The medical deficiency comes up because my Mother is excited that there is a way to "fix" her. I live in the world where I'm worried I'm not only NOT broken (meaning I don't have the deficiency) but if I'm not broken then there isn't a fix. In general. Because the fix means less hair and less anger outbursts and being more in control of your emotions and so on and whatever. Being told I can be fixed is in and of itself insulting on levels that while my Mother is thrilled I'm a bit...miffed. At the idea that I'm broken or need fixing or that instead of this being a thing I have to live with the idea that it'd then be gone isn't any less...frustrating.

So far being bi-gendered or gender fluid seems the most accurate of terms. Though it's odd that by taking that on it means I can be a man. Even if on the inside. It's odd to step back and tell myself everything I tell everyone else. I'm so used to being everyone else's ally that actually telling myself it's okay to be a pretty pretty princess with a beard and a flannel shirt is hokie dokie.

So I'm dealing with coming out I think is the right way to put it. But with coming out also explaining that nothing is changing except the information I'm putting in people's hands. Like I've now been asked if I can be called "dude". I don't think I've ever said to not call me dude. I'm super stoked to be an official "bro". Is that wrong?

I think that's wrong. I think probably no one should want to be a bro. Ever.

I dunno'. So many things and thoughts and stuff. Blargh.