Dear Biological Clock STFU NOOB kthanx.
The closer we get to 9 months the more I realize I'm nearly at the half way point of my nursing journey and I want to do a little dance because OH MY GOD MY BODY TO MYSELF MY BED TO MYSELF ME ME ME ME ME and then I want to curl into a ball and cry because my little babies are so, so big.
As they grow more independent I realize they don't need me and I want to burst into tears.
I'm sure this is also partially hormonal. I'm of course not nearly this irrational.
However I keep having pregnancy dreams or I see pregnant women and something in me yearns to do it all again. Because I am insane.
The truth though is I think I hate my IUD and I really, really look forward to being done being pregnant forever and never having to use birth control ever again. Because once I'm done having babies I am getting my tubes tied and being DONE having babies. Mike offered to get a vasectomy but after talking to the women in my family it sounds like I'll eventually need a full hysterectomy so I don't see much of a point in leaving my lady bits perfectly intact. Plus as much as I want a VBAC the truth is if I do have a c-section I'm going to ask for some specific things next time AND get my tubes tied while I'm open. Because fuck worrying about pregnancy and fuck having foreign objects in my body and fuck having to take more pills.
But either way these thoughts swirl about my brain while I cook and I want to write them down so they will knock it the fuck off. I'm pretty sure we won't be trying again until the kids are AT LEAST three but as time passes I think about it.
It'll also be nice to have a nursing relationship where I know what I'm doing from the beginning. I felt so comfortable and assured when I started with the boys but I eventually learned SO MUCH MORE. I feel with all I know now I can truly have a great start next time.
As they grow more independent I realize they don't need me and I want to burst into tears.
I'm sure this is also partially hormonal. I'm of course not nearly this irrational.
However I keep having pregnancy dreams or I see pregnant women and something in me yearns to do it all again. Because I am insane.
The truth though is I think I hate my IUD and I really, really look forward to being done being pregnant forever and never having to use birth control ever again. Because once I'm done having babies I am getting my tubes tied and being DONE having babies. Mike offered to get a vasectomy but after talking to the women in my family it sounds like I'll eventually need a full hysterectomy so I don't see much of a point in leaving my lady bits perfectly intact. Plus as much as I want a VBAC the truth is if I do have a c-section I'm going to ask for some specific things next time AND get my tubes tied while I'm open. Because fuck worrying about pregnancy and fuck having foreign objects in my body and fuck having to take more pills.
But either way these thoughts swirl about my brain while I cook and I want to write them down so they will knock it the fuck off. I'm pretty sure we won't be trying again until the kids are AT LEAST three but as time passes I think about it.
It'll also be nice to have a nursing relationship where I know what I'm doing from the beginning. I felt so comfortable and assured when I started with the boys but I eventually learned SO MUCH MORE. I feel with all I know now I can truly have a great start next time.