(no subject)
Last Sunday, the day we get back to college from winter break and the day after our 4 month anniversary, my boyfriend eventually broke up with me. I am a female that had just recently turned 21 after new years and my current ex is turning 21 this thursday.
I had the sense that there was something wrong over break, but couldn't quite figure out what it was. I personally felt that it was a lack of communication -- he only called me a few times over break and only left me "Sweet Dreams" texts every night, while I was the one that actually called most nights. I felt that something was bothering him, but I couldn't figure out what -- I should have asked and confronted then, but didn't mention anything. I noticed this after about the first week of break around Christmas when he got back from doing service work in New Orleans for an honorary fraternity he is president of. I told him the day he officially broke up with me (Monday - when we had our talk) that I didn't feel he put in much effort in communication over break and he just told me "Well there wasn't much to talk about over break so I didn't find the point in calling you every day".
We met in September, about 3 weeks into the school year Thursday night at a bar when they had a band. I didn't want to go out that night because I had been sick the week before, but some of my girl friends talked me into it. I was dancing earlier in front and I just put up with a guy that was throwing a fit that I wasn't dancing with him. I knew I needed to get away so I moved to the back and went to the restroom with one of my friends. When I came back we stood further back from the crowd and there he was dancing his little heart out. First thing that came to mind was "this guy's got the moves down" (I love to dance too) and I instantly knew that I had to keep him around. We walked out of the bar holding hands. When I was going to head back to my dorm he instigated that he wanted my phone number after talking for a bit, but, being as shy as I am, I hestitated and didn't. Then the next day I realized how much I wanted to see him again so I tracked him down on facebook and we decided to hang out Friday night. We sat around playing guitar hero (first time I played it) and then watched "The Ring". I initiated our first kiss that night -- never in my life had I wanted to kiss someone so badly and so quickly after meeting them.
The next Tuesday, a little after midnight, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I knew he was a keeper. We both thought it was crazy that we didn't even know each other that well yet, but neither one of us had a doubt in our mind. His best friend Todd was even yelling the night we met at the bar "MARRY HER!!!!". Thankfully, I didn't hear it then because I may have been a little freaked, but Todd was honestly certain from the beginning that it was a perfect match. My BFF Susan (who has known me since birth)thought the same after meeting him the next week or so when she visited.
We are both introverted, quiet, and a bit shy... we both love to dance... we're both weird and goofy in the same sort of way (I could do or say anything and it would just.. click). He would never criticize me and I never did towards him. We would never argued about anything worth arguing about.
Whenever we had one of our talks he would always tell me how scared he was as to what was going to happen with this relationship because he never had someone that was this affectionate towards him and something that never felt this right. The only thing I was scared of was what was going to happen next year since he's graduating in the spring, but he thought I was looking to far ahead (but that's how sure I was of it). His Ex girlfriend of 4 years would get jealous of him talking to certain girls, so he would lie to her saying that he didn't to avoid conflict. Eventually she broke up with him because of it (he doesn't lie anymore because of it). He was very hurt by it -- his friend Todd always mentions about him having a wall up after that. He told me that believed that the relationship wasn't really love after all because it ended.
I felt like saying "I love you" early on -- we actually discussed it once while drinking after about a month (probably not best thing I know) and he said how he's felt it but has been scared to say it and I was the same way at the time.
At almost 3 months, when we got back from Thanksgiving break we were wrestling on the floor just and he randomly said "... that's why I love you..." I stopped and was a bit startled as to what he said because he had always said "I like you a lot" before. He said he was sorry and carried on. The next day he officially told me that he loved me, but of course I kind of panicked thinking that it couldn't be because it was too soon and we hadn't even argued yet about anything, so he took it back. I thought about it for a few days and just listened to my heart and observed everything in my mind and I knew I loved him back so I told him so.
After that he got a little weird with things. The next day or two days later, I asked him if he wanted to go to a friend's house to watch a movie and he said yes and that he'd pick me up. I waited downstairs of my hall for him but never came... after 15 minutes I got a phone call of him asking me why he always has to come pick me up all the time and drive out of his way (even tho he lives literally 2 blocks from me). I get all upset and cry and walk to the frat house he lives at. Tell him that we're going when I get there. We get to the house and my friends were shocked to even see we were like we were. He apologized about an hour later. A similar occurance happened about a week later and he apologized right away then too. We talked afterward and I told him that he can control what he says by thinking before acting and that never happened again. He told me if he ever treated me like that again for me to dump him because I deserved better. I also started noticing that after he initially said he loved me he would go back to "I like you a lot" instead mostly unless I said it first, for some reason.
Last Sunday we went to class for our trip to Russia that we were going together on. I knew something was bothering him because he wasn't all excited to see me like he usually is and during class he didn't talk to me a whole lot -- he wasn't acting like himself. When we get out he told me that we had to have a serious talk. I knew something was up but I didn't think it was that he wanted to break up at all. He told me how he's been so confused lately with everything and he hasn't been feeling like he used to and how he felt like he needed time alone. We talked then on Monday and he mentioned how the deep conversations haven't been there and I said how we didn't talk much over break and we have been apart for a month so it's hard and that he didn't put much effort into talking over break, but he said there wasn't much to talk about (a bit contradictory).
Now this last week he wouldn't respond to my texts on Tuesday so I gave up and gave him his space, even though it's been driving me crazy to figure out what's going through his mind. For a while I felt like he may have just simply fell out of it... but then he started being so concerned of me and bothered.
He told my friend Michelle that he was going to take guitar hero over to her apartment so I could still play it while we're apart.
Then Wednesday night we went ot the same bar to hang out with friends. Neither of us knew the other would be there until we turn out heads and our eyes met. He said a very quiet "hi" and waved, I said hi but my heart shuttered a bit and I felt like either goign to the bathroom until I calmed down or leaving. A little while later he dissppeared and left.
Then the next morning I get a text from him saying "I don't know what I want anymore. And I mena about everything, including grad school. I'm all mixed up. Jsut give me some time - hopefully it won't take me long." I sent him a few more texts suggesting him to go to a psychologist so he could talk and get his mind straigtened out, and he had an appointment on thursday.
We then talked later for quite a while about grad school, getting a job, and his session and he apparently discovered that "he is very concerned of my feelings", which I noticed right away. I later told him that I was going to a bar with some of our friends and he told me he was thinking about doing the same. Then asked if it would be okay with me if he went because he wanted me to have fun and I told him that would be fine.
So I go there with a couple of my friends and he's there dancing away and I'm trying to ignore it because it was going to bother me if I focused on him. He disappeared for a while and then I never saw him, so I sent him a text asking if he left and he said yes. He later then texted me "I just don't know what I want. I wanted to dance with you tonight but I couldn't lead you down a path I wasn't sure where it was going and I didn't want to make it any worse."
I asked him point blank if there was anything there or not and he wouldn't answer. It drove me crazy so I walked from my dorm to his house and asked him and he said "I think so". We then just talked for a while and then decided we needed to sleep because neither of us had been getting much of it lately.
I then talked to him today and I said I just wanted a true answer and that's why I went over there Thursday night when I got back. He was sorry he couldn't give me a straight answer. We talked for a while and I later mentioned how it wouldn't make sense if there were no feelings there and it bothered him so much that he had to leave when he was at the same place as me. He then admitted that there were feelings there but he wasn't sure how strong they were.
I also forgot to mention how he earlier said how he didn't feel like he could give me his whole heart right now, hence some of the reason why he broke up with me.
It is so frustrating and confusing and I hate to see him like this because he's not himself lately and when he wants to go out and have fun he leaves because of me (even after I tell him it's okay).
The whole thing is going in circles in my mind -- he cares but he's scared and won't admit to it, but yet he was scared before about where the relationship would go and breaks it off himself. If this whole thing bothers him (as he is acting) - why would he deliberately hurt himself?
Ironically, I talked to his sister's bf or ex bf (whatever you want to currently call it) a couple days ago, and his sister seems to be unable to make up her mind about their relationship too. She wanted it done so she could have her job at Disney, but then decided she missed him to much and.... what not.
It's so confusing and frustrating and I just want him to be okay, but he's making it so difficult.
Advice, suggestions, ANYTHING would be helpful!!
I had the sense that there was something wrong over break, but couldn't quite figure out what it was. I personally felt that it was a lack of communication -- he only called me a few times over break and only left me "Sweet Dreams" texts every night, while I was the one that actually called most nights. I felt that something was bothering him, but I couldn't figure out what -- I should have asked and confronted then, but didn't mention anything. I noticed this after about the first week of break around Christmas when he got back from doing service work in New Orleans for an honorary fraternity he is president of. I told him the day he officially broke up with me (Monday - when we had our talk) that I didn't feel he put in much effort in communication over break and he just told me "Well there wasn't much to talk about over break so I didn't find the point in calling you every day".
We met in September, about 3 weeks into the school year Thursday night at a bar when they had a band. I didn't want to go out that night because I had been sick the week before, but some of my girl friends talked me into it. I was dancing earlier in front and I just put up with a guy that was throwing a fit that I wasn't dancing with him. I knew I needed to get away so I moved to the back and went to the restroom with one of my friends. When I came back we stood further back from the crowd and there he was dancing his little heart out. First thing that came to mind was "this guy's got the moves down" (I love to dance too) and I instantly knew that I had to keep him around. We walked out of the bar holding hands. When I was going to head back to my dorm he instigated that he wanted my phone number after talking for a bit, but, being as shy as I am, I hestitated and didn't. Then the next day I realized how much I wanted to see him again so I tracked him down on facebook and we decided to hang out Friday night. We sat around playing guitar hero (first time I played it) and then watched "The Ring". I initiated our first kiss that night -- never in my life had I wanted to kiss someone so badly and so quickly after meeting them.
The next Tuesday, a little after midnight, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I knew he was a keeper. We both thought it was crazy that we didn't even know each other that well yet, but neither one of us had a doubt in our mind. His best friend Todd was even yelling the night we met at the bar "MARRY HER!!!!". Thankfully, I didn't hear it then because I may have been a little freaked, but Todd was honestly certain from the beginning that it was a perfect match. My BFF Susan (who has known me since birth)thought the same after meeting him the next week or so when she visited.
We are both introverted, quiet, and a bit shy... we both love to dance... we're both weird and goofy in the same sort of way (I could do or say anything and it would just.. click). He would never criticize me and I never did towards him. We would never argued about anything worth arguing about.
Whenever we had one of our talks he would always tell me how scared he was as to what was going to happen with this relationship because he never had someone that was this affectionate towards him and something that never felt this right. The only thing I was scared of was what was going to happen next year since he's graduating in the spring, but he thought I was looking to far ahead (but that's how sure I was of it). His Ex girlfriend of 4 years would get jealous of him talking to certain girls, so he would lie to her saying that he didn't to avoid conflict. Eventually she broke up with him because of it (he doesn't lie anymore because of it). He was very hurt by it -- his friend Todd always mentions about him having a wall up after that. He told me that believed that the relationship wasn't really love after all because it ended.
I felt like saying "I love you" early on -- we actually discussed it once while drinking after about a month (probably not best thing I know) and he said how he's felt it but has been scared to say it and I was the same way at the time.
At almost 3 months, when we got back from Thanksgiving break we were wrestling on the floor just and he randomly said "... that's why I love you..." I stopped and was a bit startled as to what he said because he had always said "I like you a lot" before. He said he was sorry and carried on. The next day he officially told me that he loved me, but of course I kind of panicked thinking that it couldn't be because it was too soon and we hadn't even argued yet about anything, so he took it back. I thought about it for a few days and just listened to my heart and observed everything in my mind and I knew I loved him back so I told him so.
After that he got a little weird with things. The next day or two days later, I asked him if he wanted to go to a friend's house to watch a movie and he said yes and that he'd pick me up. I waited downstairs of my hall for him but never came... after 15 minutes I got a phone call of him asking me why he always has to come pick me up all the time and drive out of his way (even tho he lives literally 2 blocks from me). I get all upset and cry and walk to the frat house he lives at. Tell him that we're going when I get there. We get to the house and my friends were shocked to even see we were like we were. He apologized about an hour later. A similar occurance happened about a week later and he apologized right away then too. We talked afterward and I told him that he can control what he says by thinking before acting and that never happened again. He told me if he ever treated me like that again for me to dump him because I deserved better. I also started noticing that after he initially said he loved me he would go back to "I like you a lot" instead mostly unless I said it first, for some reason.
Last Sunday we went to class for our trip to Russia that we were going together on. I knew something was bothering him because he wasn't all excited to see me like he usually is and during class he didn't talk to me a whole lot -- he wasn't acting like himself. When we get out he told me that we had to have a serious talk. I knew something was up but I didn't think it was that he wanted to break up at all. He told me how he's been so confused lately with everything and he hasn't been feeling like he used to and how he felt like he needed time alone. We talked then on Monday and he mentioned how the deep conversations haven't been there and I said how we didn't talk much over break and we have been apart for a month so it's hard and that he didn't put much effort into talking over break, but he said there wasn't much to talk about (a bit contradictory).
Now this last week he wouldn't respond to my texts on Tuesday so I gave up and gave him his space, even though it's been driving me crazy to figure out what's going through his mind. For a while I felt like he may have just simply fell out of it... but then he started being so concerned of me and bothered.
He told my friend Michelle that he was going to take guitar hero over to her apartment so I could still play it while we're apart.
Then Wednesday night we went ot the same bar to hang out with friends. Neither of us knew the other would be there until we turn out heads and our eyes met. He said a very quiet "hi" and waved, I said hi but my heart shuttered a bit and I felt like either goign to the bathroom until I calmed down or leaving. A little while later he dissppeared and left.
Then the next morning I get a text from him saying "I don't know what I want anymore. And I mena about everything, including grad school. I'm all mixed up. Jsut give me some time - hopefully it won't take me long." I sent him a few more texts suggesting him to go to a psychologist so he could talk and get his mind straigtened out, and he had an appointment on thursday.
We then talked later for quite a while about grad school, getting a job, and his session and he apparently discovered that "he is very concerned of my feelings", which I noticed right away. I later told him that I was going to a bar with some of our friends and he told me he was thinking about doing the same. Then asked if it would be okay with me if he went because he wanted me to have fun and I told him that would be fine.
So I go there with a couple of my friends and he's there dancing away and I'm trying to ignore it because it was going to bother me if I focused on him. He disappeared for a while and then I never saw him, so I sent him a text asking if he left and he said yes. He later then texted me "I just don't know what I want. I wanted to dance with you tonight but I couldn't lead you down a path I wasn't sure where it was going and I didn't want to make it any worse."
I asked him point blank if there was anything there or not and he wouldn't answer. It drove me crazy so I walked from my dorm to his house and asked him and he said "I think so". We then just talked for a while and then decided we needed to sleep because neither of us had been getting much of it lately.
I then talked to him today and I said I just wanted a true answer and that's why I went over there Thursday night when I got back. He was sorry he couldn't give me a straight answer. We talked for a while and I later mentioned how it wouldn't make sense if there were no feelings there and it bothered him so much that he had to leave when he was at the same place as me. He then admitted that there were feelings there but he wasn't sure how strong they were.
I also forgot to mention how he earlier said how he didn't feel like he could give me his whole heart right now, hence some of the reason why he broke up with me.
It is so frustrating and confusing and I hate to see him like this because he's not himself lately and when he wants to go out and have fun he leaves because of me (even after I tell him it's okay).
The whole thing is going in circles in my mind -- he cares but he's scared and won't admit to it, but yet he was scared before about where the relationship would go and breaks it off himself. If this whole thing bothers him (as he is acting) - why would he deliberately hurt himself?
Ironically, I talked to his sister's bf or ex bf (whatever you want to currently call it) a couple days ago, and his sister seems to be unable to make up her mind about their relationship too. She wanted it done so she could have her job at Disney, but then decided she missed him to much and.... what not.
It's so confusing and frustrating and I just want him to be okay, but he's making it so difficult.
Advice, suggestions, ANYTHING would be helpful!!