Real Life Update
My house is more or less under control at this point. I hope. For at least a little while. So I should be able to return to recommending and ranting and whatever other things people hope to find here.
( Status report, for those who like detail in their real life updates. )
( Status report, for those who like detail in their real life updates. )
Comments 26
*Nothing* but sympathy.
Although...
Unanswered Questions: Will we get the County tree guy to remove the tree - or even answer his voice mail - before the ficus uses its Underground Tentacles of Death to crush our main line in its evil, ficus-y embrace?
Really, if it's a ficus that's causing the drama, it might be cheaper to just fly me to wherever you are and tell me to try to keep it alive. At which point the ficus will -- as all ficuses do in my presence -- spontaneously wither and die.
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How long do you think it would take you to "take care" of a very robust ficus the size of a two-story building, with a root system that is not only destroying our plumbing but also our neighbor's, and that has been detected as far away as Nebraska?
Oh, and I hereby grant you all responsibility for keeping the thing alive. Seriously. The ficus is now yours to do with as you will. It's Te's Ficus that is destroying our plumbing, and so shall it ever be known. Perhaps I will get a small sign made for it, so that our neighbor can know who is responsible for it, too.
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But. Suburbs of L.A., hmm?
If time was less of a concern, I'd recommend a large amount of acidic, impure water of the sort which is positively abundant here in the verdantly corrupt NJ suburbs.
*many hugs*
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And you may be the only person on Earth with the power to kill this tree. God knows others have tried and failed. I mean, seriously, the gardener took a chainsaw to the root system and only made it mad; he was lucky to escape with his life. So I was thinking in terms of Hercules, but we all know Te is just as good as Hercules. Ficusbane, work your magic!
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And I would not say that I have my life together, no. I would say that I fought the law and managed to get a temporary injunction. So feel free to send me porn; your time isn't up or anything.
Still, while my life might not be together, I am pretty proud of the current state of the Refrigerator of Doom. I'm almost afraid to clutter it up with actual food.
I offer you extensive sympathy on your current crampy state, and the following wisdom from Saki:
"And now Amanda is seriously ill."
(Love, hugs, and porny goodness to you, my sweet, and feel better soon.)
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And when the time comes to pack, you will have my total sympathy and moral support. And I'd offer to help, but, see, I'm all the way in Los Angeles, so, um, well, I've got other things to do. You know. Um. Vegetables to peel, and so on.
Actually, I imagine I'll still be recovering from all this when you get your job offer. Turns out hours of refrigerator scrubbing and box unpacking and book reshelving have a terrible effect on a woman.
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Just reading about your house makes me tired. You have my full sympathies.
Like the Gay Ken Dolls collection, about which the less said the better.
I disagree. I for one, would like to hear more about this intriguing doll collection of yours.
Here's a short story. It's not fanfic, but I think it's hot and you might enjoy it.
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Well, OK. Once upon a time, lo these many years ago, a young and innocent lass wandered into a certain aisle at Target. This is an aisle that is shelf-to-shelf shocking pink, yet inexplicably does not have a sign warning casual visitors about eye damage.
In between the sarcastic remarks about the girl dolls on the shelf, this lass - whose innocence was rapidly waning - found some "boy" dolls. (And I put boy in quotation marks because said dolls clearly explain the current vogue for gayboys and gaysex amongst women; they were less boylike than I am.) And she didn't just find the "boy" dolls; she found them deeply, deeply amusing. And so, after much deliberation, she purchased one who appeared to be dressed as a member of the Village People ( ... )
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So what are you going to do now? I mean, what will there be for you to do if you don't have to fight the creeping hordes of vegetables bent on world domination?
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I'm going to Disneyland!
No, don't be silly. I'll read porn, rec porn, and write about porn. I might even fulfill some of my non-porn-related writing obligations, though god knows that's a slippery slope.
Unless, of course, the vegetables attack. Oh, god - I - I think I hear them massing for ground assault. I'll see you ere nightfall, or not at all. 'Tis a far, far better thing I do...
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OKAY. *shakes it off* Anyway. AS I was saying, hee! Thanks for picking up on my soft set over the net for you. And (b), if the vegetables are launching a ground assault, the best move for you is an aerial defense, preferably through the judicious use of frying pan fighters and bombers made of vegetable graters and peelers. Give it a shot. I bet they sue for peace.
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