Ten day meme: Days four through seven
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.
Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
1. Money. Money seems to forever be on my mind. Will I have enough to pay all of these bills? How on earth do I manage to save money to have some in the future and still cover everything that needs to be paid now? It's not even that I'm in a tight and scary place but I grew up having things tight financially. Of course, I was always upset that the kids on free lunch always had the latest toys as well while we didn't but only now do I understand the why behind it.
2. Love. I often think about love and relationships. I'm actually okay being alone but there's this part of me (yea biological urges!) that wants to pass on not just my genetic information but my family history. I often wonder what will happen to all of it if my sister and I are the last of this line.
3. Death. I want to know what happens after we die. I know everything dies but where does it go? Do we get to finally rest or is there more? Do we wake up from this dream? I don't know and I'm often freaked out about it. When I'm not freaking out about it, I do think about it more philosophically.
4. I'm constantly making note of different natural lighting "effects" and wondering how I could recreate them on stage. I like figuring out how things work and will wander around looking at displays and then figuring out how they were lit.
5. Music is always on my mind. I usually have several "channels" playing in my head at the same time. There's always some song that is describing how I feel or how I want to feel as well as something to go with whatever it is I'm doing. Often times the only reason I need an external music player is because I want to hear something different or I want to hear the complete song.
6. Family. I miss those who have passed on and I sometimes wish the ones who were still around were better at communicating but I think about them a lot. I see something they might like or hear a story to pass on and am constantly thinking about it to remember it.
7. The labyrinth. My mind wanders a lot and seems to have it's own twisty labyrinth. I frequently follow the random path of thoughts and see where they lead me. Tends to confuse everyone else when I speak a section that is related (in my mind) to explain something. I have no better word for it though than the labyrinth.
Six things you wish you’d never done. This one is a bit harder as it's taken a long time for me to stop regretting the decisions that I made that have made me who I am especially since I *like* who I am these days. So consider this more of a list of things I wish I'd done differently.
1. Pretty much my entire senior year of college. I wish I'd learned to say no to projects and that I didn't go through such a long period of hating myself. I miss that time I could have spent with friends and family because I was such a mess.
2. Growing up, I wish I'd told my grandparents thank you and I love you more often. I know that they knew but now I can't tell it to them in person. Nor can I hear their stories anymore. I also wish I'd been allowed to know my dad's side of the family better. He kept us from them for whatever reason and now it's always a bit awkward.
3. The first time I went to a counselor, I wish I'd been more open and that my depression had started to be treated then. That was actually back in high school but even starting freshman year would have done a lot of good for me. If nothing else, knowing what it was would have helped the path to fixing it.
4. There are a few relationships that I wish I would have ended sooner. It would have been nice to have acknowledged that it wasn't working and to have stayed friends then to have had all kinds of drama and then years before friendship could be attempted again.
5. An honest regret: I regret the times that I decided that I didn't need to take my anti-depressants.
6. I wish I'd not been so depressed while in London and Paris and went and did more things. Both times I was in a bad place and spent time and money on things that weren't the best choices. Specifically, I spent a stupid amount of time online trying to keep connections that I needed to let go of instead of enjoying being in a different country.
Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
1. My family both blood and chosen. They are the people who are there when I do something stupid and will love me regardless.
2. My derby/skating friends, especially the one who got me out on skates. She is so full of awesome and I'm glad that she hasn't given up on me even when I'd given up for a while.
3. My counselor.
4. A certain Australian who always seems to know when I need a random hug even if it's virtual.
5. My Gramps. He may be gone but he still means the world to me.
Four turn offs.
1. Codependency. Nothing gets me in a fouler mood than being told that I'm responsible for how someone is feeling or that they must be with me every minute for the rest of time.
2. Lack of showering. Yes, I went with someone like that once. Yes, it was gross.
3. Having no drive. I don't mean being passionate and excitable all of the time but having motivation to do something and be someone is important and the lack of it is a huge turn off.
4. Bad humor.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.
Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
1. Money. Money seems to forever be on my mind. Will I have enough to pay all of these bills? How on earth do I manage to save money to have some in the future and still cover everything that needs to be paid now? It's not even that I'm in a tight and scary place but I grew up having things tight financially. Of course, I was always upset that the kids on free lunch always had the latest toys as well while we didn't but only now do I understand the why behind it.
2. Love. I often think about love and relationships. I'm actually okay being alone but there's this part of me (yea biological urges!) that wants to pass on not just my genetic information but my family history. I often wonder what will happen to all of it if my sister and I are the last of this line.
3. Death. I want to know what happens after we die. I know everything dies but where does it go? Do we get to finally rest or is there more? Do we wake up from this dream? I don't know and I'm often freaked out about it. When I'm not freaking out about it, I do think about it more philosophically.
4. I'm constantly making note of different natural lighting "effects" and wondering how I could recreate them on stage. I like figuring out how things work and will wander around looking at displays and then figuring out how they were lit.
5. Music is always on my mind. I usually have several "channels" playing in my head at the same time. There's always some song that is describing how I feel or how I want to feel as well as something to go with whatever it is I'm doing. Often times the only reason I need an external music player is because I want to hear something different or I want to hear the complete song.
6. Family. I miss those who have passed on and I sometimes wish the ones who were still around were better at communicating but I think about them a lot. I see something they might like or hear a story to pass on and am constantly thinking about it to remember it.
7. The labyrinth. My mind wanders a lot and seems to have it's own twisty labyrinth. I frequently follow the random path of thoughts and see where they lead me. Tends to confuse everyone else when I speak a section that is related (in my mind) to explain something. I have no better word for it though than the labyrinth.
Six things you wish you’d never done. This one is a bit harder as it's taken a long time for me to stop regretting the decisions that I made that have made me who I am especially since I *like* who I am these days. So consider this more of a list of things I wish I'd done differently.
1. Pretty much my entire senior year of college. I wish I'd learned to say no to projects and that I didn't go through such a long period of hating myself. I miss that time I could have spent with friends and family because I was such a mess.
2. Growing up, I wish I'd told my grandparents thank you and I love you more often. I know that they knew but now I can't tell it to them in person. Nor can I hear their stories anymore. I also wish I'd been allowed to know my dad's side of the family better. He kept us from them for whatever reason and now it's always a bit awkward.
3. The first time I went to a counselor, I wish I'd been more open and that my depression had started to be treated then. That was actually back in high school but even starting freshman year would have done a lot of good for me. If nothing else, knowing what it was would have helped the path to fixing it.
4. There are a few relationships that I wish I would have ended sooner. It would have been nice to have acknowledged that it wasn't working and to have stayed friends then to have had all kinds of drama and then years before friendship could be attempted again.
5. An honest regret: I regret the times that I decided that I didn't need to take my anti-depressants.
6. I wish I'd not been so depressed while in London and Paris and went and did more things. Both times I was in a bad place and spent time and money on things that weren't the best choices. Specifically, I spent a stupid amount of time online trying to keep connections that I needed to let go of instead of enjoying being in a different country.
Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
1. My family both blood and chosen. They are the people who are there when I do something stupid and will love me regardless.
2. My derby/skating friends, especially the one who got me out on skates. She is so full of awesome and I'm glad that she hasn't given up on me even when I'd given up for a while.
3. My counselor.
4. A certain Australian who always seems to know when I need a random hug even if it's virtual.
5. My Gramps. He may be gone but he still means the world to me.
Four turn offs.
1. Codependency. Nothing gets me in a fouler mood than being told that I'm responsible for how someone is feeling or that they must be with me every minute for the rest of time.
2. Lack of showering. Yes, I went with someone like that once. Yes, it was gross.
3. Having no drive. I don't mean being passionate and excitable all of the time but having motivation to do something and be someone is important and the lack of it is a huge turn off.
4. Bad humor.