NaNoWriMo, Boys, and Catching Up
Well, there went November.
For the first time since my first attempt four years ago, I actually made it to 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo. I found myself passing the deadline exactly a day in advance, on midnight as the 29th rolled into the 30th. They story isn't quite finished, and I hope to keep up this kind of a pace until it is, which should only take another few thousand words, really. I want to edit this, after I've let it sit for a while, if for no other reason than having a finished, readable novel under my belt.
In unrelated news, I think I relate to other men in a strange way. I know I act differently towards them because of certain freedoms being female has allowed me. I don't have the same personal space rules towards other males as bio-boys do. I have no issues with leaning against them, hugging them, etc., and most of them don't have a problem returning the gestures, even those who know I'm trans. But on more than a physical level, I think I've wired myself incorrectly for male friendships. I have this strange pattern: if I become close friends with a guy (close enough to not feel awkward leaning my head on his shoulder or telling something reasonably private), my brain seems to label this as a crush. When I really think about this, I'm not infatuated with them. Doesn't infatuation have something to do with desire? Because when I think about these boys, I have no physical desire for them, and the thought makes me go ick. But I feel affection for them, and I think years of trying to be normal (in this case, liking boys more than just the little bit I do) has made it so, to my mind, affection = "crush". There were people in high school, thinking back, that I told people I had a crush on, but I never really would have wanted to sleep with, or even date, them. I just felt an affectionate friendship for them and didn't know how to label it. I shall have to fix this.
So, with NaNo and all, I haven't been keeping up with my flist like I should. A month is a lot of backlog, so please tell me if I've missed anything, especially holiday card posts and the like. I should put one of those up...
For the first time since my first attempt four years ago, I actually made it to 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo. I found myself passing the deadline exactly a day in advance, on midnight as the 29th rolled into the 30th. They story isn't quite finished, and I hope to keep up this kind of a pace until it is, which should only take another few thousand words, really. I want to edit this, after I've let it sit for a while, if for no other reason than having a finished, readable novel under my belt.
In unrelated news, I think I relate to other men in a strange way. I know I act differently towards them because of certain freedoms being female has allowed me. I don't have the same personal space rules towards other males as bio-boys do. I have no issues with leaning against them, hugging them, etc., and most of them don't have a problem returning the gestures, even those who know I'm trans. But on more than a physical level, I think I've wired myself incorrectly for male friendships. I have this strange pattern: if I become close friends with a guy (close enough to not feel awkward leaning my head on his shoulder or telling something reasonably private), my brain seems to label this as a crush. When I really think about this, I'm not infatuated with them. Doesn't infatuation have something to do with desire? Because when I think about these boys, I have no physical desire for them, and the thought makes me go ick. But I feel affection for them, and I think years of trying to be normal (in this case, liking boys more than just the little bit I do) has made it so, to my mind, affection = "crush". There were people in high school, thinking back, that I told people I had a crush on, but I never really would have wanted to sleep with, or even date, them. I just felt an affectionate friendship for them and didn't know how to label it. I shall have to fix this.
So, with NaNo and all, I haven't been keeping up with my flist like I should. A month is a lot of backlog, so please tell me if I've missed anything, especially holiday card posts and the like. I should put one of those up...